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Wednesday, March 31, 2004

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Click on the Mantis!
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This will be the last pictures for today. We went to the Bug Zoo on Monday and it was so much fun! We all were able to hold all sorts of bugs and arachnids. Boy-W decided to do his science fair project on the Chinese Praying Mantis. We now have an aquarium with a praying mantis egg in it awaiting the birth of up to 200 praying mantis babies! Fun, fun, fun! Here are a few more pictures of us holding different bugs and arachnids. Yes that If all goes well we will have up to 200 of these running around in about a month.
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I just received a picture by e mail that shows the havoc that was created by the storm last week here in British Columbia. Viewer discretion is advised and this picture is not suitable for children. Open here.
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I am going to try to post some pictures. I know very little about this so I hope this works. Thanks so much for your help Iggy!

Tuesday, March 30, 2004

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As a mom, I have no idea how a parent would not die from a broken heart after discovering your child had been abducted from her home while they slept then to be discovered dead 5 months later. This is what happened to an Ontario family.
Cecilia was a beautiful 9 year old girl that went missing from her home back in November. There was no apparent motive and no ransom requested. Gone! You get up in the morning, go to wake your child to discover she had been taken while you were sleeping. How do you continue on with your day? I can't imagine the hysteria. I only know that horrific panicked feeling when either one of my children disappears from my sight for a moment. How do they sleep the nights following knowing only God knows what despicable act is being done to your daughter?
How do you accept the police knocking on your door 5 months later and telling you that your child is dead? I only know I would wish I could die but I must continue to live for the sake of my other child. I do know a parent's heart can never recover from losing a child in this way.
I question at this time why God would allow this? If we praise Him for the blessings in our lives where does He fit into this? I question how another human could take a child from her home and murder her. I do not believe there is any love in people that do this. I will not go into the punishment I think they deserve but only that death is too good for people such as this.
I have no answers tonight. Every time I see her face flashed across the news my heart breaks and I can not stop the tears and the grief I am feeling. The only thing I can do is tuck my children in, kiss their heads as they sleep and allow the overwhelming love to flow in my heart. Though I question where God is in this, I will thank Him for the honour and privilege of having those two beautiful children to be a part of my life. All I can do is pray that Cecilia's family draws strength from the love that has poured in from people. It is this that keeps me going, the thought that the love in this world is still much stronger than the evil that took Cecilia.

Sunday, March 28, 2004

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Classes For Men - Please Sign Up

Classes for men at our local Learning Center for Adults - Sign-up by March 31.
NOTE: Due to the complexity and difficulty level of their content,
each course will accept a maximum of 8 participants.


Step by step, with slide presentation.


Round table discussion.


Group Practice.


Pictures and explanatory graphics.


Examples on Video.


Help line support and support groups.


Open forum.


Graphics and audio tape.


Real life testimonials.


Driving simulation.


Online classes and role playing.


Relaxation, exercises, meditation and breathing techniques.


Cerebral shock therapy sessions and full lobotomies offered.

Practice on developing skills of putting things back where they belong so that they can be easily found.
Upon completion of the course, diplomas will be issued to any survivors.

Saturday, March 27, 2004

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Further proof that I have mental problems.

Last night I went to Wal-Mart to replace the broken tiara. After I picked it up (at Wal-Mart) K#vin wanted to go into the mall. This is where my neurosis sets in. I absolutely hate the mall. I get in there and within two minutes I experiencing vertigo and I am nauseated.
Let me digress. The city I live has one of the highest amounts of shopping space per capita then anywhere else in Canada. People come from miles around to shop here as the largest mall has every store imaginable. In the last 10 years I have been in there about 5 times and only from absolute necessity.
Knowing how I freak out and get panic attacks I didn't want to go but up until this point had not discussed this with K#vin. How do you tell someone something as whacked as that? I take his hand like the good girlfriend I am and go anyway. Yes, it happened. I started getting panicky and needing to get out. I try to explain in a light way that I really don't enjoy shopping and we need to leave soon. We enter one store where I feel slightly more comfortable. I can handle the individual stores but the main area is where I don't do well. To make a long story short we left after about 20 minutes. I don't know how I managed it because I came very close to vomiting.
When there I can appear totally normal and nobody knows inside I am feeling like I am being mentally suffocated. There is no indication that I feel like I am spinning in circles and everything is whizzing by but at the same time my visual and auditory senses are in slow motion.
I do not and have not experienced this anywhere else. I can go anywhere and feel comfortable but something about the mall is too much for me. I know the fight or flight feelings I experience are not normal and with some sort of help I could overcome them. But for what? I have no need to go to the mall. The mall in my opinion is a recreational facility and there isn’t anything I “need” there. I can get everything I need elsewhere.
*Sigh* However, I know it is not right that I feel this way. I am going to have to explain to K#vin at some point soon how much the mall scares me but how do I tell him?

Thursday, March 25, 2004

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Girl-N and Boy-W were playing in the other room when I heard Girl-N scream and start to cry. Being the diligent Mama I am I ignored it. It wasn't one of those real cries. You mom's will know the "If I cry loud and hard enough I will get my brother in trouble" cry. This went on for a few minutes so she decided to bring her mournful wails closer to me so I could hear. She is standing right beside me. I look over at her and ask her why she is crying. She screams "I fell down and broke my crown!" (more crying) I tried very, very hard not to laugh but evil mom got the better of me. She was staring at me (still crying) wondering why in the hell I am laughing so hard and I try to explain the Jack and Jill thing. She stares at me like I am off my rocker. She cries harder and says "No! I fell down and broke my crown!" and runs off to the bedroom to get her tiara! She wasn't talking about hitting her head, she had indeed broken her toy princess crown. What could I do but laugh harder and tell her I would get her a new one.
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I am up again. It is 3:20 a.m. It would be so much easier if I didn't require sleep then I wouldn't have to try. I had a nightmare tonight and if I don't get up and out of my bedroom after having one I lie there scared and unable to fall back to sleep for hours. I did sleep fairly well the last few nights but that was because I was drugged up. I have strep throat so I was taking something for the pain. I suspected I had strep throat because K#vin had it. Went to the doctor's this morning and I am on more antibiotics. This will be the third time in a month. I haven't been on antibiotics that much in the last ten years.
I think I am having nightmares from watching T.V. I have been so sheltered from everything by not having television. Now every time I turn on the T.V someone is missing or murdered. I don't purposely watch the news but sometimes they do those newsbreaks. Yes, I am a big baby but these things scare me.
I did see something funny on T.V. tonight. In Monty Pythonesque there was a short film on the CBC. It had 9 naked men walking down the road singing "Nine naked men walking down the road would cause a heap of trouble for everyone concerned." Now this wasn't a nice film where things were implied. It had 9 middle aged men walking down the road singing and everything is flip floppin away. I wish I had a clip because it was one of the funniest things I had seen in a long time. Only on the CBC.
So here I am awake. I want ice cream and I don't have anyone to send to get me some. Just how insane would it be of me to wake my angels at this hour to go and get some? I wont actually do it but my fucking throat is sore. Maybe if I pray really hard some Haagen Dazs will be in my freezer when I go check. I have only had Haagen Dazs once and it was so yummy but I just can't justify spending $6.00 on that itty-bitty tub of ice cream.
Well I am even boring myself with this blog. I am going to go surf.

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

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What to say today? My tattoo. I said I would only get one but I am thinking another one might be fun. Right now I have Snoopy and Woodstock on my ankle. (If you hadn't noticed your cursor when you come to my page is Snoopy) I wouldn't mind getting a Canadian flag tattoo.
I am debating on whether or not to cut my hair. It is at that length where I can't do a whole lot with it but it looks so nice long. I had to get it hacked off when I had a bad hair cut. I looked like Medusa.
If you are bored (which you are undoubtedly are after reading this blog) try this test.
That's all for today. Au Revoir!

Monday, March 22, 2004

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Sleep eludes me once again. I am getting sleepy though. K#vin and I had our first confrontation today. (sob) It wasn't a fight , far from it. It was one of those he hurt my feelings and didn't know it and I was to afraid to tell him lest he think I am insane. (He hasn't figured out yet that I am) Anyway, we worked it out and he is in the next room asleep in my bed and I love him more than ever. I am so happy .
I know all this sounds so pathetically, sickeningly sweet but I have come from so many abusive relationships. The last relationship I was in I was called a f**ing b**ch, c**t, useless, stupid and pathetic regularly. He yelled at me, cheated on me and was doing Coke. He would come here and get drunk and smoke in my house knowing Girl-N has respiratory problems. I would tell him to go outside and he would say I was overreacting. What is the sickest of all is I took it thinking I didn't deserve any better. When did I become that woman? Before meeting him I had very healthy self esteem. I had always wondered why a women take abuse and I see now that it happens so gradually she does not even know it is happening. When I finally realized how deep I was in this dysfunctional relationship my self esteem was so low I felt like nobody would ever want to be with me. (Yes, he told me that too) To make a long story short I left him after he had me up against a wall one night and I had to call the police. He did not hit me but it was physical abuse. I called a woman's shelter the next day and received counseling from them. The odd thing is the guy blamed ME! For the first few days I was calling and apologizing. I e mailed him begging for his forgiveness. After one of the e mails it hit me like a lightening bolt that I had once loved the person I was and now I was groveling for an alcoholic/user and physically abusive man to take me back. I was at my lowest point.
I did eventually say goodbye for good. He has since contacted me saying he loves me and he wants me back. He says he is the one with the problem (Ya, no shit Sherlock) and I didn't do anything wrong but I have not and will not respond.
So yes. You may want to barf when I talk about K#vin but he is someone I have been looking for, for a very long time. He is the first man I have been with that loves me.
I am still embarrassed that I allowed myself to be treated in the way that I did and accept someone like that into my home. The woman's shelter told me that women always blame themselves and I need to realize he is the one with the problem but I just have not arrived there yet. I know he is the one with the problem but I feel like I should have known and been stronger.
I eventually want to work with women that are in abusive relationships. It isn't always the women that walk around with bruises. When we see women that are with the assholes, we often blame them and ask ourselves what is wrong with her and why is she with a man like that? Having been there I understand now.

Friday, March 19, 2004

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Time 4:16 am. That is a really good sleep for me. I went to bed at 9:00 last night because the power had been out for more than 12 hours. I did wake up every two hours but I haven't slept that well in a long time. I think it has to do with the Ativan. My doctor prescribed it a long time ago but I never take it. I was in such a state I took it before bed last night. I was worried about K#vin. He has been really sick for the last 5 days and I called him 4 times throughout the day asking him to call me and let me know how he was feeling. By 8:30 I was freaking out convinced I was going to find him dead. I drive over there and he had been asleep. He knew I was wasn't pleased. I even told his dog to get lost and yelled at it for barking. I was just so stressed out by this point the bark of loud German Shepherd was more than I could take. Anyway, he (K#vin not the dog) e mailed me this morning to apologize. To top it off he is going into work! The guy can barely stand up! Grrrr!
K#vin's dog. That dog is so jealous! If K#vin touches me the dog has a fit. He tries to push his way between us and barks at me. If we are making love he has to be put in the other room where he howls and barks. I get kinda loud (Yes I know TMI) and the dog goes berserk at every noise. So now I have to be quiet when having s#x at K#vin's place and mine because of my kids. Damn! It is very distracting trying to focus on keeping quiet.
Had the kids home from school yesterday because of the power outage. I don't ever remember school being closed because of no power. It was cool. I like having them home. I did sleep a fair amount while they played. I think having this infection in my body for so long has taken a lot out of me. I think these antibiotics are working though. The doctor wants to see me in 2 weeks again.
Boy-W is invited to another birthday party. This will be the 6th birthday party in 4 weeks for Boy-W and Girl-N. I have decided that Girl-N will just go to the girls parties and Boy-W will just go to the boys.
Listening to Loreena Mckennit right now. Lady of Shallot. I have almost memorized the poem. It makes me cry.
I am going to turn on my electric blanket and hopefully get a little more sleep. Have a super weekend everyone especially Katie!

Thursday, March 18, 2004

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I was asleep. Woke up. Here I am again. 2:20 am. I think one of the reasons I don't sleep is anxiety. I have been feeling fairly stressed lately and I don't sleep because I lay there and worry instead.
Here is something interesting I saw on TV. As some of you know I just had cable installed about a month ago. I am considering getting it uninstalled again because there really isn't anything worth watching but that is not what I wanted to discuss. You have all likely seen this before but it is an infomercial for married people to find someone to have an affair with! I think it is for an online dating service. I am so out of the loop. I had never even heard such a thing. I will say it reinforces my desire to never get married again.
I am not against online dating. I met K#vin through Lavalife. I think it the best way to meet someone. I talked (on MSN) to a lot of creeps and was glad they didn't have my phone number. I e mailed several back and forth. Some made it to the phone call stage and some I even met. All together I think I corresponded with around 50 men. Out of those I met about 15. Some there was a connection with and some were downright scary. One man talked for an hour about how much he hated his ex wife and her boyfriend and how much he would kill them both if he could get away with it. Unresolved rage and anger issues. I think so. He divorced her 5 years ago. Strike him off the list. Next!
6:00 Meet for dinner and drinks at a local pub. He told me that he could feel how much I wanted to sleep with him. He couldn't have been more wrong. As soon as I laid eyes on him I knew I wasn't attracted. But no, apparently I wanted him bad! Date ended 7:15. Next!
Another experience was dating a guy that hadn't had s#x in some time. He was a nerd to the core but decent personality. 5 minutes after we met he was begging me to come back to his apartment and f**k him. Sorry creep. Next!
I did meet some nice ones. One was a Newfie and they are the nicest people on the planet.
And then, enter K#vin. I knew the night I met him that he was the one. I know this sounds really silly and flaky but I started falling in love with him that night. We had planned to meet for an hour or so because he needed to get up for work at 3:30 the next morning. We talked 2 hours over coffee then another hour in the parking lot. We went home and talked on MSN for another hour then we laid in bed and talked for another hour and a half on the phone.
With K#vin everything has been so different. We actually managed to not have s#x for 9 days. This was hard! The s#xual attraction was off the charts but I wanted to be sure that it wasn't just the s#x this time. Yeah, 9 days is not much in the big picture but I am a hormonal 33 year old. I think 9 days is very good! If he would have kept his hat on and his bald head covered I would have been able to wait a little longer but as soon as he took it off (at my request) I was done. He looked so amazingly hot. I sat across from him and made a fool of myself I was so turned on. He was blushing which was absolutely adorable. point ( I did have one) Online dating is a great way to meet people. K#vin lives 3 minutes from me but we likely would never have met if it wasn't for Lavalife.
I am going to get a peanut butter sandwich and attempt to sleep. G'night!
I am so tired. I am going to reread this in the morning and have no idea what the hell I was talking about.

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

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First let me say I have never endorsed a product in my life. I am always receiving samples in the mail and most of the time I use them and forget about them. Today I received the Mr. Clean Magic Eraser. You have got to try it! I had marks on my walls that had been there forever. (Marks from when my kids started walking.) There was a stain on one of my cabinets that I had tried every cleaner imaginable to get out to no avail. I just rubbed lightly with this Magic Eraser and it was gone.
You can get a free sample.

Canadians click here.

Americans click here. (Update-Samples are no longer available in the U.S.A. Go and buy one anyway!

I am not sure if you can still get them free but worth a try.
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More Questions I Do Not Have the Answer To:
~Why can't I sleep at night?
~How long can insomnia last because this has been going on for 10 years. I have not slept more than 4 hours in a row in 10 years. Maybe I shoud go to one of those sleep clinics.
~Why is there a gold key on my desk and what door is it for?

~Should I get married again? Seriously. I did it once, convinced he was the one. I don't want to go through another divorce but at the same time I love K#vin and want to be his wife. What to do, what to do.

I want to get this and this. Never wanting to pay full price for anything, I will go get the St. Patrick's Day one on Thursday when it comes on sale!

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

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My Nana is going to get chemotherapy but it wont get rid of all the Cancer. It is just going to be enough so she can walk without pain. I wanted to get to see her today but the kids can't be in that part of the hospital. I want to talk to the doctor because I know it will make her so happy to be able to see them. Maybe I will just bring them up there and hope nobody notices.
I did get to the doctor and was put back on antibiotics. It is always such a "treat" being put on antibiotics. Bring out the live culture yogurt. :-
K#vin dropped by today for about 5 minutes. His face is so swollen he can barely see. I miss him. I feel all empty without him here.
I am becoming very frustrated with Boy-W's teacher. She wrote in his report card that his spelling is getting worse this term. I have no idea what the hell she is talking about. He gets spelling tests every Friday and since Christmas he brought home one test with one mistake. Every other test has been perfect. In fact, she advanced him on to a whole new set of words because he is past his grade level. She said that his journal entries have spelling errors. For instance he wrote a sentence saying he fell on the "sument". (cement) WTF? He is in grade 2 and is spelling at the end of grade 3 level! Even if he is making errors he is way beyond where he should be. Sometimes I think teachers make shit up because they have to say something bad. Boy-W is a really smart kid but he is still just a kid. It is this sort of crap that makes kids hate school.

Will share two of his journal entries. Too funny...
Sometimes I go to the pool and sometimes I almost droun. Two times I did not come up for like half an hour and I did not know how to swim. It was scary too!

When I grow up I am going to be a thicutrith (psychiatrist) because they make lots of money.

Good Night!
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As I sit here thinking about the post from yesterday I think the student must have been a special ed. kid to write that terribly. I will continue to read his blog to see if my presumptions are correct. If he is indeed just an idiot it will be "grate" fun reading!
Going to the doctor today. I finally made an appointment. I don't get to see my doctor which makes going to the doctor worse. I always feel like a hypochondriac so I put off going.
Update on post about my kids and there constant reminders when getting ready for school. All I did this morning was wake them up. They were totally with it. The only reminder was for Girl-N. I asked her if she wanted to wear a coat today. She was trying really hard to remember and do everything in time so I felt one reminder was ok. Other than that they were both ready to go to school at 8:15. Both clothed, fed with lunch and homework in hand. I hope this lasts but as I said yesterday, it will take one time of going to school in pajamas and it will never happen again. Unless you are Bobbie...
Bobbie was a kid I went to school with 28 years ago. I am not quite sure what he had going on in his head but this kid would forget to wear shoes home. You would see him walking home in the pouring rain in just his socks. He was an odd little kid. He also used to lay on his stomach on his desk and spin in circles. Yes, he ate paste too. I think his mom and dad must have had to buy it in bulk because he ate it every time there was art class. I remember him eating paper too. But I digress. The kids did very well this morning.
Y'all have a terrific day!
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The pissy mood continues but I can't stay mad at anyone even when I try. I just start feeling selfish and feel like I am not thinking at all about what others want/feel. I am such a moron sometimes. I was acting like a whiny spoiled child and spent a good part of the afternoon crying because of an earlier post (which I deleted) where I was bitching about something. When will I learn?
I think I need to get back to the doctor because my tummy is so sore. I hate going to the doctor! I had a fever earlier but it is down again.
I am so tired but I can't sleep. I lay down and my head starts thinking of a million things. I start thinking about everything that stresses me out and upsets me and I am awake for hours.
I didn't see K#vin today. He is sick too. We have seen each other every day since February 2nd. I want to call him right now but I am afraid I will wake him up. It is almost 1 AM after all. I miss him.

Monday, March 15, 2004

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Since I am in such a fvcking pissy mood I decided you get to go for the ride.

What the fvck is this? Are the public schools teaching kids how to fvcking spell? How does "every" become "evrey"? What the fvck? If you are old enough to take a fucking "jouralism" class for learn to spell fvck head!

I made Irish Cream coffee this morning but I am out of fvcking milk! Fvck!

~ this post is brought to you today by the word "FvCK(ing)". It was used 8 times~ ( 9 now)
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Do you ever wake up pissed off at everything? That is how I feel this morning. I think it started yesterday which I will get to in a moment.
The alarm goes off this morning and I call boy-W to get up. I wanted to lay in bed for a bit and accidentally fell asleep. I woke up ten minutes later to Boy-W in front of the T.V. I asked if he had eaten. No, he hadn't he "forgot". Here is the deal, with both my kids I have to give detailed instructions for everything and frankly I am tired of it. This is how the morning goes. Time to get up, go get dressed. Go get yourself some breakfast. Do you have your homework? Brush your teeth. Comb your hair. Put on your boots. Put on your coat. Anyway you get the point. After school. Hang up your coat. Put your boots away. Put your lunch bag on the counter. Put homework on my desk. Hang up backpack. Well this morning I flipped! I told both kids that if they didn't do what needed to be done every morning we would leave at 8:15 whether they were ready or not. If they don't get dressed with out me telling them they can go in their pajamas. If their lunch bags don't make it to the counter the night before they wont eat lunch the next day. If homework doesn't get to my desk (where we do it together) they will have to deal with the consequences at school. I feel both kids are old enough to know to do these simple things in the morning and after school and I am only allowing irresponsiblity if I continue the "reminders". I figure it will only take one day of going to school in their pajamas to make them never forget to get dressed. They will only have to go hungry one time and they will make sure the lunch bags end up on the counter. Am I being too harsh? Interested in what other mom and dad's think.

Found out my Nana has Cancer all over her body and they can't do anything for her now. I want her to be here forever. She has always been the cool grandparent. She smoked and painted her nails bright red and you could talk to her about s#x. She stopped smoking about 6 years ago but about 50 years too late. Anyway, this is making me cry so next subject.
Didn't make it to the Bug Zoo and I-MAX today as I said last week. Decided to make it next Monday instead for reasons of finance. Good thing I didn't tell the kids after all.

Saturday, March 13, 2004

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Girl-N is sick and wanted to sleep with me last night. This is what I heard all night long. cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough No sleep at all. I am tired today.

Boy-W and Girl-N managed to get into some toys that I had put away until they cleaned their room. That room is beyond help. I don't even try anymore so I just close the door. Girl-N tells me it isn't as scary at night when it is a mess. What she means by this is beyond me. All I can guess is any bogeyman would trip and kill himself over crap long before getting to her.

K#vin bought me a plant. I have never had a plant that has survived. Countdown to it's death begins now!

Friday, March 12, 2004

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OK. Can someone tell me what the hell is the deal with getting wrinkles and acne at the same time?! I wake up and have a freaking huge zit on my chin. I am 33! This is NOT supposed to happen damn it! I noticed the little wrinkles around my eyes about 6 months ago. Granted they are only visible when I get about 6 centimeters from the mirror but they are there! There outta be a law against the combination. The day my first wrinkle appeared the law should be that my face would be clear.
So it happened. I started crying the other day convinced K#vin no longer loved me. (You all knew it would happen didn't you? hee hee) I was convinced he had grown tired of me. I am sobbing away and he was all concerned asking me what was wrong and like a fool I told him. I am sure he was thinking get a grip you flake but he just gave me a hug and a kiss and told me there wasn't any truth to that and he loved me. Yes, I feel like an idiot but so happy that he does love me and he is in my life. By the way, I have this picture of K#vin and if you are interested I will e mail it. He is so freaking hot. Just looking at this picture gets me going. You can see for yourself why I talk about him so much!
Girl-N is home with a cold. I think she may have been able to go to school but I let her stay home because she did go to school yesterday when she was not feeling well.
Going to try to make it to the I-MAX theatre and the Bug Zoo in Victoria on Monday. Not going to tell boy-W because he would freak right out. His live revolves around bugs right now and he would be so excited he wouldn't sleep. We made a Critter Cage and he brings all manner of bugs home from school. All his friends look for them too but he is the only one with a place to put them. It freaks the hell out of me. I can hear them running around and I am scared they will get out and build nests in my place.
I think I have gone off the edge as a mom. I actually have made an "All Season Tree" It is the idea of a Christmas tree but you can decorate it according to the season. It is basically a miniature maple tree minus the leaves. (Branches stuffed into rocks in a coffee can with the lid on to hold it up) Right now it is decorated with shamrocks for St. Patrick's Day. I must say, even though I have become one of those weird mom's it looks cool. After St. Patrick's Day we will decorate it with Easter eggs, bunnies and ducks. The kids make the decorations and I just use thread to hang them on.
That be it for now! Au Revoir!

PS-The Big Comfy Couch is on TV. Anyone interested in getting this show banned with me? Holy shit it is annoying!

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

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It is early. I am up. I am cold.

I had something I wanted to talk about but it has been purged from my brain because of the hour.
I will just talk about other people's blogs. I have about 10 I frequent and it feels strange to care about what happens in the life of a total stranger! I am lying there last night wondering if baby Jake is feeling better and hoping his mama is doing ok.
I wonder if Gina's hair will return to normal. Hope it does Gina! ;)
I feel bad that Joe didn't get his promotion because I know he had been working his ass off. I feel sad for someone that lost their kitty I am wondering how much Iggy is sleeping since he got his PS2.
Anyway, you get my point. It is part of my week now to check up on people I don't know just to see what is going on.

Tuesday, March 09, 2004

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Sleepy tonight so I will just quickly give my 2 cents on Todd Bertuzzi. There was no excuse for what happened last night. The Canucks planned to get back at Colorado Avalanche's players (specifically Moore) after the elbow to Markus Naslund 3 weeks ago. I am aware that fighting is a part of a very intense and physical game but in my opinion Todd Bertuzzi should be banned from playing in the NHL for his conduct. Sucker punching another player so hard that he is knocked out and has broken vertebrae can not be over looked. Bertuzzi was going in for another punch before he was jumped on by a Colorado Avalanche player. This may be the end of Moore's career in the NHL and more than just criminal charges need to take place.
I find all this practically difficult to write because I am a Canuck fan. Bertuzzi is one of their best player and losing him will make an already struggling team struggle more. I am sure there will be a lot more on this in the coming days.

Monday, March 08, 2004

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It is late. I can't sleep. Still feeling crappy; worse in fact. I think I need to go back to the doctor. If I don't and K#vin finds out he is not going to be happy with me. He knew I was feeling worse today because I was laying down for a good part of the day so he has ordered me to go. I hate being sick.
I had to close all my e mail accounts because I was getting so many viruses. Some dolt (He shall remain nameless.) kept putting my e mail address on his stupid e mails and forwarding them to all his friends who in turn forward them and on it goes. You know when you get those joke e mails sent to you and they have the e mail addresses of hundreds of people because people don't use the blind carbon copy feature? The Bcc feature is so you can send e mails but not the addresses of your friends and family! Use it! Do NOT forward e mails! Use the cut and paste. I only had 3 viruses in 3.5 years until he started sending me e mail. This last week I had received 70 at last count. I did not give him my new address.
That is all. Exciting huh?

Friday, March 05, 2004

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I am sick. It serves me right because I knew I was getting a UTI (urinary tract infection) but I ignored the symptoms. After boy-W was born I got a nasty UTI/kidney infection from the catheter. I was feeling lousy so I went to my doctor who ordered a urinalysis. The lab lost it. The doctor ordered another so I went to a different lab. They lost it! By this time I had a temp of 40 C and was hallucinating. My mom called the doctor because I wasn't responding when she spoke to me so she took me to the E.R. It had gone into my kidneys and my kidneys were shutting down. The doctor told my mom that in another 12 hours I could have died. Anyway, I was admitted to the hospital and put on IV antibiotics. Ever since then I seem to get UTI's easily. When I was feeling lousy this week I thought if I drank lost of water and cranberry juice and rested it would go away. I went to the doctor today on a different matter and I mentioned that I may have "a little bladder infection". He sends me for a spec. and comes back shaking his head at me. Oops. He said I don't have a little bladder infection and that I had a massive one. He told me the numbers were off the charts. He gave me a little talking to and prescribed antibiotics. So I learned my lesson. From now on when I know I am getting one I will go to the doctor right away. I just hate taking unnecessary antibiotics ya know? According to the doctor I will likely get lots of them because the first one was so bad.Yes, I could go to the stupid hall of fame for not taking better care of myself.
What else is new? I fall in love with K#vin more and more everyday and I marvel that he is in my life. He came for supper tonight and I never even considered that I wouldn't be making it. Yes, I am in pain and have a fever. With my ex I just continued taking care of things no matter how crappy I felt. Even with the first bladder infection my mom came. Well #evin comes tonight and got mad at me for not telling him that I had been feeling crappy the last few days and forced me lay down on the couch while he made supper. What did I ever do to deserve to be treated so well? It makes me dreadfully uncomfortable at times but I am learning that he loves me and this is all good.
Have yet another birthday party tomorrow. Call me cheap but hear me out first. I am tired of buying gifts for kids! Boy-W has 14 kids in his class and girl-N has 12. If I buy one gift for each child at $10 each that is $260 a year! Can you even but a decent gift for $10? No. What do other mom and dad's think of this? Has the birthday party thing gone to far? When I was a kid I was allowed about 7 friends. Kids today invite the whole freaking class. One kid in boy-W's class had invited about 30 kids. This is too much IMHO. I would love to hear your comments. Am I cheap or has it gone to far?
Oh...I have the answer to one of my "More Questions I Don't Have the Answers To" Why is Harriet (my cat) peeing on my bed.?" It turns out she has a UTI too! What a crazy ironic world I live in. Maybe my UTI is God's punishment for telling Harriet she was a very cat for peeing on my bed and sending her to bed in (horror of cat horrors) the laundry room. Ha ha.

Tuesday, March 02, 2004

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I have never met a person that is totally happy with the way they look. Understandable. My tits are so saggy after losing 60 pounds and nursing two kids they make pancakes look perky. Yes. I would like to have them done. But why is this become an obsession with so many people?
This Botox craze has me thinking that people have gone overboard. Do people realize the dangers? And as far as I understand Botox is only a temporary solution.
Here is what it comes down to for me. Teen girls are fed bullshlt from magazines about this constant drive to be thinner and prettier. Seventeen magazine was my starting point of realizing I was not perfect. It was there I learned my nose was too wide, my eye brows too bushy, my mouth too full. I learned I was too short and I should be wearing contacts, not glasses. I also learned what boys want in a girl. HELLO?! What the fvck is all this about? Forget about my inborn uniqueness and being myself! No! I was told to conform and to look a certain way. I never knew there was anything wrong with my nose until I read Seventeen and 16 years later I am still insecure about it. As for changing my personality to make a boy like me, this one burns me most of all. My entire teenage years revolved around trying to make boys like me and thinking that there was something wrong with me when they didn't. I am angry that magazines line grocery store shelves all selling the idea that I as WOMAN am not good enough. Not yet. But after doing this diet, trying this make-up or getting a Botox injection I will be better. If I try hard enough, I too can be beautiful.

What saddens me is I know there is no way to stop this destruction. I can't change what it is doing to millions of women. I can only let it begin with me.

PS- Just to clarify this is not coming from a bitter frumpy nerd woman that can't get a date. I look pretty great considering my age and that I have had two kids. Up until I met K#vin I was dating 9 different men. This is just coming from a woman that has figured out where real beauty lives.
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