My Insanity Written in a Blog

Free Hugs Campaign. (music by Sick Puppies.net album out)

2007-09-30T21:06:00.001-07:00

Please take a few minutes to watch this video. Tell me what it made you think and how it made you feel.

http://www.freehugscampaign.org/

2007-09-30T12:29:00.000-07:00

I am trying so hard to be a good mom. I am trying not to cover my ears and yell but I am about to lose it. My son has started band this year and he got a bell kit to help him learn to read drum music. There is only so many times you can hear Hot Cross Buns before you go insane. It is really loud and high pitched and sharp sounding. Arrrrrrr! Help me.

I also got it into my head to put the oven on self cleaning this morning because next week is Thanksgiving. I had to open the doors and windows and now it not only smells from the oven being on it is very cold as well.

I am cranky.

Update - The day is about over and I ended up making a roast beef dinner. It was so yummy! Roasted potatoes and carrots with peas and corn. And gravy. Lots and lots of gravy. Then Blueberry pie with french vanilla ice cream for dessert. Ahhh. Nothing a like an autumn day with a roast in the oven. It may be pouring rain with the wind blowing outside but it is plenty warm and cozy inside.

2007-09-16T10:58:00.000-07:00

THE CAT CAME BACK! It wasn't the very next day but 15 days. He showed up on my patio disoriented, filthy and a few pounds thinner but he is home safe and sound. He has not left my side since he came home which is very unusual for him. He is usually very independent cat that likes his space. He didn't even mind the bath I gave him to get all the dirt off! So, I wonder where he was and what he was doing for the last 15 days. I asked him but he refuses to comment. He just looks grateful to be home.

2007-09-08T14:22:00.000-07:00

That Cat aka Norbert. The cat at the top of my blog officially escaped and has been gone for over a week now. I have put up dozens of posters, put ads in papers and online and he is nowhere to be seen or heard of. We miss him so much. He literally just vanished. We got him as a kitten and he has never been outside before even though he tried daily to get out. We live close to a highway so letting him out was never an option. Anyway, he is gone. I keep hoping he is going to turn up but today I packed up his food dishes and litter box. Maybe he will turn up still. I miss that evil cat. :(

2007-08-30T22:16:00.000-07:00

BIG *sigh*

I have always had a knack for screwing things up. They are usually minor things and tonight is no exception.

I started waxing my own eyebrows several years ago. I have never had a problem other than not waxing enough. They have always come out just as well or sometimes even nicer than going to an esthetician. It also doesn't hurt as much and it costs next to nothing.

Well tonight, I screwed up. I um...over-waxed an area and now I have three eyebrows. It is awful. One eyebrow has a hunk missing out of it. I now have to walk around like this! I have long bangs and I wear glasses but it is still very noticeable.

I am going to have to draw on the rest of my deleted eyebrow but I don't have an eyebrow pencil. I am going to have to use a brown Sharpie Marker. :(

2007-08-20T22:01:00.000-07:00

A New Post...

I thought I would take the time to post something for the first time in over 2 months. I have been reading your blogs but I have been not doing anything worth posting about.

I am still working at my new job. It is ok. You know. Work's work.

Still seeing John (not his real name). We have been together almost 6 months now. It has gone by so fast and yet it seems we have been together for always. Today he surprised me with a dozen roses. 10 red and one pink and one white. I was wowified.We are both very much in love.

I am remodelling right now and everything is in a huge mess. I mean it. Stuff everywhere. I am hoping to finish painting my bathroom tomorrow but anyone who has ever painted knows it always needs more work and more coats and more touch-ups!

Kidlets are great. Norbert (the cat on the header at the top of my blog) continues his reign of evil. He becomes more evil everyday. He enjoys jumping on my stomach while I sleep and making vain attempts to escape to the outside world. He enjoys attacking feet and darting in front of me in the middle of the night if I get up. His purpose is to kill me. Yes, I may kick him accidentally and hurt him but he feels it is worth it for a greater purpose. He could eat for weeks if he manages to kill me.

The weather has been really bad. The worst summer I ever remember. We have had 3 hot days and that was it. Global warming. It is a scary thought.

With the thought of global warming I have made some small attempts to make my footprint smaller. We are no longer accepting plastic bags at the grocery store. In the USA alone , they are going through one million bags a minute. Those bags will never go away. They will never decompose. We have also stopped using all cleaners with the exception of vinegar, borax, salt, baking soda, lemon juice, washing soda and occasionally ammonia. I don't even use dishwasher detergent anymore. We have been using a mix of half borax and half washing soda. It actually cleans better than any other detergent I have tried. For laundry I use an environmentally friendly soap and also no longer use any shampoo or conditioners that harm the environment. (From a place called the Soap Exchange). In addition we have always recycled everything. There are such small steps but it makes a difference!

My mom is finished chemotherapy and had her first follow-up visit today and had a clear scan. Very good news. She goes back in three months. Praying.

That is all for now. Thanks for stopping by.

2007-06-09T20:52:00.000-07:00

I have had enough. As I said in my last post I am working 45 hours a week and going to school in the evenings. In addition, my mom is still battling cancer and is going through more rounds of chemotherapy. Right now her hemoglobin is so low she has been forbidden to even be around family. Life with my children as always is very, very busy. Life with John (not his real name) continues to move forward and we fall in love more everyday.

However...

Blogging used to be therapeutic. Now it just exhausts me to even think about posting. I am NOT deleting my blog as Insanity Written in a Blog is my home. But, I have to stop. You all likely know I have been having problems with my heart that are stress related and I have been having symptoms again. I need to slow down.

It makes me very sad to think about losing the friendships I have gained here so I will continue to visit all of you.

There are three of you that I have come to know outside of blogging. You have been a very special part of my support system and I doubt you know just how much you mean to me.

Catherine

Jill

Kelly

You are three of the most fabulous women I have had the honour of meeting through blogging. I will be emailing you to you posted of what is going on. You are all women of strength and courage. You inspire me.

So for now. I am leaving. Forever? Maybe.

Thanks for being part of My Insanity Written in a Blog.

(((hugs)))

Another turning point;

a fork stuck in the road.

Time grabs you by the wrist;

directs you where to go.

So make the best of this test

and don't ask why.

It's not a question

but a lesson learned in time.

It's something unpredictable

but in the end it's right.

I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs

and still frames in your mind.

Hang it on a shelf

In good health and good time.

Tattoos of memories

and dead skin on trial.

For what it's worth,

it was worth all the while.

It's something unpredictable

but in the end it's right.

I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable

but in the end it's right.

I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable

but in the end it's right

.I hope you had the time of your life.

2007-05-28T21:57:00.000-07:00

My attempts at blogging on a regular basis are failing. Even now I am just sitting down for a moment to post.
After 3 years I decided to pack it in at my job as I was going nowhere. I gave my notice and started a new job working in the health care field. It is Monday to Friday 8:30 - 5:00.
I am also taking night school classes from 6:00 - 8:00.
I am trying to work in a meal or two, laundry, dishes, housework and spending time with the kids.
No time right now for John (not his real name), exercise or anything fun.
That is all.

2007-05-19T16:19:00.000-07:00

John (not his real name) and I had a terrible argument last night over birth control and today I feel sick to my stomach. I had no idea he felt the way about certain methods of birth control. The problem started when I had and IUD inserted 3 months ago and major problems arose. Because of my age and familial history with cancer I am no longer able to have any medication type of birth control. That leads us to two options. I get my tubes tied or he gets a vasectomy. He basically that he was not "gung ho" about getting a vasectomy. That would be cool if he was 27 and still wanting kids but he is 47 and does NOT want kids. I am 36 and there is still a "maybe" hanging in the air.
I am tired of the responsibility always being put on woman for birth control. I had been on the pill for 20 years. After my kids were born I used a diaphragm. Now that I am past 35 I am no longer able to use the pill so I had to use an IUD. Anyway...I guess you think you know someone huh? If I was a guy I would say, "Don't worry about it. I will get a vasectomy!" I guess I judged him wrong.
So anyway. I have not been able to put anything in my stomach all day long. I am feeling week and very tired and my eyes are puffy from crying. I can't believe he is the type of man that would be that self centered.

It seems my post has brought some mixed responses. First of all, I did not give him an ultimatum. It was simply a discussion. Previous to having the IUD my periods were moderate and lasted 3 - 4 days. Since I had the IUD inserted my periods have been off the chart. I now use one super tampon about every two hours and my periods last 11-12 days. I can't walk at times from the cramps and I get more anemic with each period. With my familial history of ovarian and breast cancer I simply cannot every be on an type of medicinal contraceptive again. The other forms of birth control have too high a failure rate to consider options. At no time did I tell him to get a vasectomy nor have a told him we won't be having sex if he doesn't. I just asked him if this would be something he would think about doing since he does not want kids. His response of leaving the matter of birth control in my hands is what bothered me. It simply makes sense for him to do this whether he stays with me or not. But since he refuses I, the woman will be the one to take care of the matter of birth control.

2007-05-11T12:23:00.000-07:00

I know. I have all but disappeared haven't I? I have been really busy just doing "stuff". I haven't even been doing anything that is worthy of blogging about. I have not been at the computer a whole lot so I have not been following what is going on in your lives either. I do try to stop by once or twice a week so even when I am not commenting I am thinking about you.

I do have something noteworthy to say. I have now lost 26 pounds at SparkPeople. I am in a bit of a slump because I have been having wicked problems with asthma that turned into a sinus/ear infection so I have not been doing any cardio. I am finally starting to feel a little better and hope all the medication will kick in by next week and I will be back on track. If you are interested in joining me click on the link over to the right of my page and it will take you there. This is a totally free plan. It is not just a diet but an entire lifestyle change to becoming a healthier person. I was leery when I first joined that there would be strings attached or they would try to suck me into some multilevel marketing or it would be some culty thing but it is not. You don't have to "buy the book" or recruit anyone or anything weird. (The image you see is my actual weight loss tracker.)

Things are going just great with John (not his real name). He has gone away, all the way from Vancouver Island to Nova Scotia and back again, to take his mother's ashes to a cemetery there. He left this evening and will be back Monday morning. That is a loooong way in such a short amount of time! Anyway, I miss him already. And I hope he is going to be OK. He lost him mom and his sister within 3 months of each other. I wish I could help him in some way but sometimes words just don't cut it.

2007-05-08T22:18:00.000-07:00

Hello my Canadian friends. Remember when Canada came out with this beautiful coin a few years ago to honour and remember our veterans? Do you remember being excited and proud that we were the first country in the world to use the colour red in a coin? Well, apparently some thought it was a ploy against the Americans. Read this.

And just when you thought you could be friends with a Canadian.

2007-05-01T23:29:00.000-07:00

So I am driving down the road today in my piece of crap called a car and I hear a noise. It was a gawd awful screeching/scrapping noise. (EEEscleeezzzeeeeerrssshhhreeee) Something is wrong with my car people and it is not good. It is also overheating. I sit at traffic lights and watch the temperature gauge climb higher while I blast the heat and pray that the lights change quickly. My car is not well folks.
Did you know that you can have great sex in less than 12 minutes? That is the time John (not his real name) and I had this afternoon before someone was to come over. I won't supply you with details as I am sure you could well imagine what went on.
I am off to bed. Why do I stay up so late anyhow?

PS- I hate my blog template more everyday.

2007-04-30T15:25:00.000-07:00

My posts are getting fewer and farther between aren't they? ~sigh~

I have been really busy. I went with John (not his real name) to Abbotsford this weekend. We had so much fun! We didn't do a lot except just go for walks and fall in love even more. And we ate! I ate like a pig. I went off my diet and had about 2000 calories alone for lunch on Saturday. However, we worked it off. (wink wink)
I have been having problems with asthma again the last few weeks but my doctor is away so I have to just keep coughing and wheezing. It is getting annoying. My inhaler is almost empty so I might end up going to the drop-in clinic where I get to wait for 3 hours to see a doctor.
I am getting really bored with this blog template. Everyone else has such fun and exciting ones and mine is so dull. I would change it if I could find anything that interests me. Be on the lookout for a new look. Out with the cats!
Not much else going on here.

2007-04-19T10:28:00.000-07:00

I realize the days are passing and I am not blogging. I can't believe that while not working I could be so busy.

I was mistaken about Spring in my last post. The weather has changed and it is cold and rainy. I am sitting here in my slippers and polar fleece jacket and I am going to put warm sheets back on my bed. *sigh* Serves me right for getting too excited about an early Spring.

Everything is still going great with John (not his real name). We have so much fun together. Mostly we just sit and stare at each other and smile. Then one of us gets a thought and then...while then...you know. Yes. It is fun!

I have lost 22 pounds with Spark People. I went about 2 weeks of not logging in and wasn't losing so I realize I have to continue to go there everyday for now. I have 8 more pounds to go to reach my goal.

Oh yes. I bought a new bed. John (not his real name) gave me a brand new box spring and frame that had belonged to a family member that couldn't use it so I just had to buy a mattress. I first went to Sears where I was treated like a lower class citizen. I always seem to get that there even though my family has been shopping there for years. They make assumptions based on how I look and know I don't have $3000.00 to spend on a bed. Anyway, I got angry this time and went to Sleep Country. The lady there was so helpful and understanding. I told her right from the start that I didn't have a lot of money to spend. She went and did some research and found me a very nice mattress leftover form a previous sale. It is so comfy. I can't wait! My previous mattress is 16 years old and needed to be replaced. So say it with me...Sleep Country Canada! Why buy a mattress anywhere else?

2007-04-10T14:33:00.000-07:00

Nice to be home after a long weekend and get caught up on housework. I really have no idea how I ever worked full time and pulled off the rest of my life. My house is clean for the first time in 3 years! That is so nice. I even got my bathroom painted!
Life with John (not his real name) is going so well. We had our first disagreement on the weekend. Bah. It was awful but we managed to get through it and come out the other side stronger. I fall in love with him more everyday. I am a lucky and blessed woman.
I am seeing an employment counselor this week to try to decide what the heck I want to do with the rest of my life. I am optimistic and excited at what is ahead of me.
Spring on the Island is here and everything is so beautiful. We have hung up our winter coats and put away the flannel sheets for another year. I am doing a thorough Spring clean and have the windows open. Ahhh...Life is good.

2007-04-03T18:56:00.000-07:00

Another update because I have been terrible about posting lately! Things with John (not his real name) are going so well. I cannot believe I could ever feel this way about anyone. I am even more blown away that someone feels this way about me! I mean how crazy is that?

The rest of my life is going OK as well. I am so very glad that Spring is here. Winter seemed to just drag this year. For those of you that live in BC you will know just how beautiful it is here right now. (In BC, winter is a very dark and grey time and it affects your spirit if it is an especially long one.) The sun is shining and everything is blooming. Adding to the beauty are the glorious mountains that surround us. Many are still snow peaked. I tell you. It does not get any better. I love living here.

I don't have all that much to say. Life with John (not his real name) has been all encompassing. I am happy. Happy like this has been a long time coming.

You know I am in love when I purchase all new underwear! hee hee

2007-03-29T12:04:00.000-07:00

I have been terrible with the updates here and after reading you will know why. Let me start at the beginning.

I started having problems with my heart back in July as most of you know. It has become progressively worse and started to get quite bad at the end of February. The heart specialist told me I needed to quit working. NOW.

I didn't and my heart problems got worse very quickly. I was not able to stand at times and experienced vertigo as well as a resting heart rate of 180 beats per minute. In the beginning of March I could no longer handle it so I had to quit. I have not said anything here because I have been so embarrassed and humiliated. I have never not been able to care for my family.

So now what was I supposed to do? I was feeling fine with a lot of rest and I had obviously a lot of time on my hands. I was able to go meet with girlfriends for tea and enjoy things for the first time in a very long time. I also had time to start dating.

Enter John (not his real name.)

I met him at Plenty of Fish. I had met some men previous to him which ranged from disaster to "nice". When I met John my entire world changed.

You guys, I am in love.

Yes. I said it. How you can fall in love in less than 3 weeks is beyond anything my brain can wrap around but it has happened.

He is the sweetest, kindest most gentle man I have ever known. He has been single for a number of years while he has raised his daughters alone. Last week I was at his house and was so tired I was going to go home but he asked if I wanted to rest there. I fell asleep and do you know what he did? He made me a chocolate cake...from scratch! hee hee

He has very old fashioned values and so far we have not got very far from just kissing. When he kisses me the entire world spins and I totally lose focus of everyone and everything. *sigh* Even thinking about him kissing me sends me reeling.

And here is the thing. My racing heart has slowed down considerably and last week it was the lowest it has been since July of last year. I am so relaxed around him! He totally mellows me out and calms me.

This is good guys. I am so happy. This whole thing is way beyond anything I could have ever imagined. I can't stop smiling.

Things on the work front are looking up. I qualify for retraining so things are looking good.

(PS- Thank you to Curtis and Ellen for making me never stop believing that this was possible)

2007-03-25T11:37:00.000-07:00

What?? In my dreams maybe!

Thanks Susan for the giggle!

2007-03-20T03:33:00.000-07:00

You are going to have to click on this to inbiggen it. This is one of many creations of Girl-N. She made this for me while I was having a bath last night. Notice the label that has been taped to the plate. If you look closely you will notice it is a happy face. Now what more could I ask for? Girl-N is the sweetest.

Let me tell you a short story about Girl-N and her obsession with tape. Ever since she was old enough to use art supplies she has loved two things above all else. Envelopes and tape. She would toddle up to me and look at me with her big chocolaty eyes and say, "May I bowwo a wittle bit of tape pwease?" She also used to use up "embawopes" by the dozen.
As her love for office supplies grew so did her need. I would catch her at my desk pulling off 159 pieces of tape for her latest project. She would stealthily go into my desk and take envelopes as well. It got to the point where I couldn't keep either in the house because Girl-N would find them and use them up.
Last Christmas I thought I figured out a plan. I went to Costco and bought her 16 rolls of tape and a gigantic box of envelopes. I would never again would have to share. Yeah right. She has now started to hoard. She will not use anything from her supply. I continually ask her where the 16 rolls of tape are and she looks at me and tells me she doesn't know. I know they are hidden in the depths of her art desk along with the envelopes.
And just in case you are wondering she still comes up to me and says, "May I borrow a little tape please?" I just hand her the tape dispenser and walk away.

2007-03-18T10:15:00.000-07:00

I know it isn't just me who is feeling this way. I am reading in a lot of posts that Spring is coming! Outside my window a crow is calling. I think she is excited about Spring too. I bet she is tired of the rain and wind. She must feel so happy on a day like this. Maybe she found a great big worm in my garden. At any rate, she sounds happy!

Today is our Spring Fling. Today is the day where we go through the house and get rid of old boots, coats and clothes we don't wear. I am getting rid of the tacky Lava Lamp even though I secretly like it. I am going through the bathroom and tossing old make-up and hair products. It isn't a day to clean. It is a day to fling. Everything that can be used will go to charity. Everything that can be recycled with go to the recycling depot. Everything else will be thrown in the garbage.

Anyone want to play? How much junk can you get rid of?

Update - I filled boxes, clear recycling bags and garbage bags. I think I likely got rid of close to 100 pounds of junk today! Isn't that insane? (This place isn't called My Insanity Written in a Blog for nothing!) It took a good part of the day. Tomorrow will be more purging of crap and putting everything I have decided to keep back where it belongs.

2007-03-14T15:22:00.000-07:00

Look! Look at the wonderful gift I received in the mail today! Do you know how long I have wanted this? Thank you Jill. I have seen this woman grow in leaps and bounds. Thanks you for being a part of my world Jill.

And..

While walking around Value Village this afternoon I found these guys on DVD. $4.00! I love a deal. (OK I am cheap.) Wanna come over to my place and laugh?

Good things came in threes today. I have been smiling since lunch. And that is all I am going to say about that.

2007-03-11T18:36:00.000-07:00

I remember my mom telling me that she remembers when JFK was shot. I remember wondering why that event would make a difference in her life. I thought it more odd that she would remember exactly where she was when she found out. I didn't understand why she wouldn't just try to forget.

I know I will never forget where I was when I heard about the Challenger and Princess Diana. I will never forget the images that were played over and over on the TV. Sometimes I wish they could be erased from my mind. I also remember 9/11. I know where I was. Where were you? I would be surprised if you told me you didn't remember. We all have the same movie of the second plane that will plays over in our minds.

Now that my kids are getting older I wonder what events will be a part of their lives. I don't even want to guess. I want them to know about resiliency and that though these events cause our spirits to crumble for a time, they also cause us to unify and we gain strength through our unity.

I have been honored by the people that God has put in my life to pull me through periods of personal grief. I have deeper friendships because of them and thankful for these events because they have caused a greater good.

Don't let me ever forget the bad times. I am stronger because I have fallen.

2007-03-06T19:02:00.000-08:00

Why I am a Bad Parent

Has your child ever said something so shocking that you couldn't help but laugh? First let me say I am a very strict parent and expect both of my kids to be very respectful of adults. They use the terms Mr. and Mrs. When they meet an adult the are expected to stand up and greet the person and shake hands. They are not to interrupt. They say, please, thank you and excuse me. So when my child brazenly cuts down an adult I am supposed to become serious and discipline the child appropriately. Yes. I am.

Tonight my son was telling me about his substitute teacher. As we were chatting he lowered his voice and said,

"She's an old bag".

I just stared. If he had told me his teacher did handsprings while playing a ukulele I could not have been more shocked. And then I started to laugh. I gasped between the laughter and double checked that I heard properly. (I had.) I had to go into the bathroom where he heard me double over in fits of laughter. It was so funny! OK, I know it wasn't. But it was. (I did eventually tell him how disappointed I was but I think the lesson was lost.)

2007-03-04T17:18:00.000-08:00

I am feeling better today than yesterday. I am working on the One Day at a a Time principal. Today is my day off so I slept in, got up and had something to eat then went to have a nap! After I got up I did 30 minutes of cardio and now I am back at the computer.

You know what is strange about losing weight for me this time? I think one of the big reasons I am doing so well is it is the only thing I can control right now. I can control what goes into my body and how much I exercise. I am physically feeling better and this week I got rid of two pairs of my "fat pants". I am now at a healthy Body Mass Index. I still have a way to go but I am headed in the right direction. For the first time I am using food in a healthy way to deal with my depression. In the past I would eat anything that was set before me and lots of it. I sometimes still crave the junk but now I have way smaller portions and less often.

I have been called for a job interview but I don't know much about it at this point. It has to be a step up financially and I have to be happy doing it. I am trusting God on this one. I am sure He doesn't want me to be continued to receive the abuse I currently am receiving at my current job.

I am off to read a magazine and see if dinner somehow magically appeared in the oven.

2007-03-03T16:01:00.000-08:00

I don't know what is wrong with me. I wish I could just be happy. I am told by everyone that happiness is a choice but I just seem to go further into depression. I feel like I have so much against me. My mom is terminal. I am broke and at a job that I hate. My daughter's future is uncertain. I am tired all the time because something is wrong with my heart but I don't know what it is yet. Quite honestly, if it wasn't for my kids I would not want to go on. I cry all the time. I am tired of hurting. I used to be such a positive person and so happy. But now I wake up each day and have nothing to look forward to.

I try to come up with positive posts so I am not such a drag all the time but I can't seem to come up with much.

I miss my mom because I can't go visit her while she is getting chemo. Each day I wake up and wait again to go to bed. Sleep is my only escape right now.

I just want all this pain to be over and to smile again.

2007-03-02T20:17:00.000-08:00

Not much going on this week. I have been coming up empty when it comes to posts. Nothing in my head. Nada.

I see the specialist on Monday regarding my (always) racing heart. Work still sucks very badly and I am just putting in time. I am sure even the bosses see how little my heart is in the job. I still do my job well and finish all the work that comes before me but I have lost my smile and often end up in the bathroom choking back tears.

I went to the Maple Sugar Festival last Sunday and had a blast. I kind of thought it was going to be a huge drag because well, it is french. I know. I am Canadian and it isn't very patriotic of me but if you are Canadian you might understand. Anyway, it turned out to be a lot of fun and we will be going again next year. It has renewed my faith in French Canadians.

Not much else is going on. I have a sore throat and think I am getting a cold. I don't mind because it gives me an excuse to slow down and sleep.

I have lost 14 pounds now and got rid of two pairs of my fat pants this week. That felt great. People are also commenting on how I look and that is nice too.

2007-02-19T20:06:00.000-08:00

I went to the heart specialist today and did the treadmill test and sure enough, as I suspected something is amiss. He doesn't know what it is exactly yet but my heart is accelerating like that if an 80 year old. He assured me that it isn't heart disease or anything really serious but it does need to be investigated further. I have the holter monitor on right now and there are sure a lot of wires! I think I have a sensitivity to the glue as well because the places they are placed feel hot.

I guess it is wrong of me, but I have not told my mom and dad about this because the last thing my mom needs is this stress. She is going for another round of chemo tomorrow (my birthday) so I don't want to cause her worry. I must say it is a little tough going through this without any support.

2007-02-18T19:41:00.000-08:00

Today I bought one of these. It is called a Rebounder or a mini trampoline. It cost almost $300.00 but place I bought it from has allowed me to make payments on it until it is paid for with no interest. I was so grateful!

So far I have lost 13 pounds! I have only been counting calories so far making sure I get lots of fruits & veggies and whole grains as well as drinking lots of water. I have been eating All-Bran and Brown Rice! Oh, yes I have! And I have been enjoy it too! I really haven't felt deprived at all. Last week I had fish & chips but I had the seniors portion. This week all the staff at work had chicken and fries. I chose chicken with a side salad & raspberry vinaigrette dressing (a total of 60 calories compared to 500 calories for a small fries!). I am so proud of myself. I am hoping the rebounder will make the weight come off faster but more important I am hoping to get in shape. If you have been frustrated with diets in the past I highly recommend SparkPeople. (It is free!)

2007-02-15T22:46:00.000-08:00

Well, well, well. Just when you think you have done all the medically embarrassing things that can be done they throw another into the picture, Having two children was nothing really. I can't say I minded strange men looking at my private girl and make assumptions about her. "Oh yeah, that baby will fit through there!". My body is my NOT a garage and this sure isn't your sports cars and you had better find a way to get this baby out and GeT Me A DaMn EPidURal WhiLE YOu"re AT it Or I will RIp off YouR ArMS ofF! (at this point my head spins in continuous revolutions until an get epidural)

No this way nothing like that but It was the description of it. Because of this ongoing tachycardia I am going through several dozen tests. The one I am speaking about has a clinical name but I will call it "Pissing in a big orange jug for 24 hours". And get this, the doctor thought I could just do it while at work! Sure. Shared staff bathroom. Large Orange Jug between the toilet and wall. Or worse, leaving at the end of the day and carrying the thing out sloshing. There are just some things I will not do. And if you knew the men I work with! They would probably think it was a new urinal and use it! So I will be waiting for my day off and staying home that day. I am not carrying that Goliath anywhere. Worst case scenario. It is a little too heavy and I drop it. KeRRRRplloosh! Urine everywhere, There are some things you just can't explain away.

2007-02-14T19:55:00.000-08:00

I try very, very hard to remain positive but some days (weeks) it is so much harder than others. My job is discouraging me beyond words. I have come to hate my job. Yes. Hate. It is a pretty strong word but that is how I feel right now. It has been three years of working hard, going above and beyond the call of duty and still having nothing to show for it. Last week I was told that I was passed up on a promotion. Why? Because I am female. Yup. I was told by the owner of the company that because of the type of business it is they want to promote men. According to statistics men have higher sales. Even though I have the highest inside sales they are hiring a man to do the job.

I have been crying off and on for over a week now. I am angry, sad and very frustrated that I have been told for three years that when my time comes they will promote me. It was all lies. The General Manager has told me she wants to but the owner doesn't. So it ends there. I am staying until April to receive my bonus then I am leaving. I won't be giving two weeks notice. I won't even give them a day. I intend to give them my resignation on a Friday afternoon and walk out the door. I am not normally a spiteful person but I really don't think they deserve any better.

2007-02-11T13:59:00.000-08:00

Ahhh. I love Sunday. It is 2:00. I am still in my robe. It is so nice to just do whatever I want! Today I washed the floors and cleaned the garbage can out. I am thinking about going to bed to read a book and just maybe fall asleep.

I am feeling quite content today. I feel like a cat. I just want to curl up and purr. I have so much going on but I look at the state of the world and I know I don't have things too bad. My kids are healthy and happy. I have people in my life that love me. I have food in my cupboard and clean water to drink. I am happy being single. (really!) And I have nice new 100 percent cotton jersey knit sheets (tee shirt sheets) on my bed. I am off to curl up.

2007-02-10T19:09:00.000-08:00

So I am back. I forgot to say in my last post that I have been blogging for three years. (I despise the word blogiversary for some reason.) Three years of writing. I look back and most of the time I wonder this. What the hell was I thinking? I mean seriously. I am supposed to be grown up but I continue to make stupid and immature decisions.
I was going to write an enlightening post but I am too tired. All I have to ask is this. Do women still wear slips? You know what I mean. A slip. That stupid thing you wear under a dress that always "slips"down and everyone can see it. Then everyone tells your slip is showing. I am sure proper ladies like the Queen wear one but what about everyday women? I think I have one that I wore to my grandmother's funeral. Yeah. That is all you are getting from me tonight.

2007-02-06T20:56:00.000-08:00

Well I am back. I decided that if the ex-boyfriend decides to stop by I will tell him to stop reading or I may let his wife know that he looked me up within a week of marrying her. So there!
Lots has been happening. I think I had already let you all know my mom's cancer is back and she is going through chemo. This time though we were told that this round will not get rid of all the cancer. I am not really dealing with this all that well. Just sad a lot of the time and I try not to think about it. Most of the time I just feel overwhelmed and sad. I hate that I have no control over any of this but this monster has me on the palm of it's hand and is waiting to destroy me. I know, this is not about me but there is one relationship where we are always the child. I am trying to be strong for my mom but I am doing a terrible job of it so I just stay away. I know, she doesn't need that either but I can't deal with this. I don't know how. There is no manual in how to watch your mom die 101.
Work has been lousy. Nuff said. I am waiting for my bonus in April then will see from there. I think it is time to move on.
Kids are doing well. The Girl won fourth place in Highland dancing this weekend. I was SO proud! She looked so beautiful up on the stage. So poised. So confident.
The boy is doing well too. He is in acting classes and having a lot of fun. He is also finally taking an interest in school.
I have been losing weight by using this website. It is going well and so far I have lost 10 pounds. I want to lose 22 more by June. I highly recommend Sparkpeople. The first two weeks are just an introductory to their site and can be quite confusing but once I go the hang of it it was easy.
Cats are good but still HATE each other and I am wondering if they will ever get along. I think they are doing it on purpose just to drive me crazy. I bet they are all snuggles and cuddles with each other when I am out.
That is all for now. I am glad to be back. Writing is always good for the soul.
Will get all the links and sidebar stuff put up later.
(Kevin I would advise you to stop coming to my site..unless you think your wife would be ok with it!)
I love you all and have missed you!

2007-01-04T17:45:00.000-08:00

Having a privacy issue. Someone I know is reading my blog. E mail for my new website. insanity_written_in_a_blog @ hotmail.com

2007-01-02T15:58:00.000-08:00

I did what I said I would do. I called the college and received some information. I have two appointments on Thursday to speak to Employment Counselors. I also dug up a copy of my resume.

In other news I did something today that I have been saying I would do for well over a year. (Don't ask what it was!) It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be and I will sleep better knowing that it is done. Yay!

The Secret is "Thoughts Become Things"

2006-12-31T18:23:00.000-08:00

I was in the grocery store the other day and I came across an ornament all by itself. It was simple and inexpensive. It was a chrome-plated word. It said HOPE. I bought it.

Last night I had a dream. In the dream I held the decoration and it came apart in my hands. It really sums up how my life has been the last two years. Hope. Broken.

Of course when I got up it was still in one piece. I have hung it near my computer and this little word is going to help me make some changes this year.

I am going to leave my job. They have been stringing me along for over a year now and I see now that they have no intentions of promoting a woman. I am not going to quit until I have other things well in place but I will be quitting.

I am going to stop closing doors on relationships. I have been asked out a lot but I always come up with an excuse as to why I should not be dating. I am just going to see where this leads.

2006-12-28T18:40:00.000-08:00

Every single one of your comments brought tears to my eyes. Thank you so much. I love each of you and feel honoured that you took the time to send encouragement my way.

I have decided one thing since my last post. On January 2nd I am going to call the college and make an appointment with the admissions counselor. The worst I can be told is no which will put me in the same boat I am in now. I have to do something. I have to at least try.

My concerns at this time is the inability to get a student loan after declaring bankruptcy after buying a leaky condo. There is no way around this one. I simply do not qualify. My other concern is how I can afford to live and go to school at the same time. The bank who holds my mortgage (they let me keep the leaky condo being the nice people that they are) and other bill collectors simply do not accept that I am working to improve myself and will pay when I am done school as a viable reason not to pay them. In fact, as of yet, I have never heard of a valid excuse to get out of paying bills!

However, I am going to talk to the college. I want to possibly take the Medical Transcription course. I am already a Resident Care Attendant but I am not able to do the shift work hours that they require. I graduated with a 4.0 in that course so I know will have no problems with being admitted. I have to trust God on this one. I know He doesn't want me to be this unhappy.

2006-12-22T23:23:00.000-08:00

I am thinking it may be time to give up blogging but something keeps me here. My posts are getting fewer and further between and when I do post it is lacking. Day after day I watch the cursor blinking at me.

Waiting.

It feels like I am waiting for my life to go somewhere. I am terribly unhappy at my job. It is so bad that I can't eat when I am at work because my stomach is upset from stress the moment I walk in the door. I want to go back to school.

Waiting.

I am going through another stage of being weary of being single. If one more person tells me that it will happen when I stop looking I just may smack them. That is a total bunch of crap because I wasn't looking for over a year. I didn't want to be in a relationship a the time so how the hell can it happen when I am not looking?

Waiting.

I can't seem to save even a few dollars from each pay cheque. It is hard to be unjealous of the people I know that have such big homes. My son, daughter and I grew out of this tiny 2-bedroom a long time ago. My kids needs a room to themselves now. There is no hope that I will ever be able to have that.

Waiting.

And I feel so wretchedly ungrateful to have any of these feelings. The world is a big place and my problems are insignificant.

But.

Waiting.

Waiting

Waiting.

The cursor keeps blinking...

2006-12-13T18:43:00.000-08:00

Flirting 101 or How to Get a Free Box of Ferrero Rocher All to Yourself.

This afternoon a Sales Rep came into the office. And you all know what time of the year it is! Yes! A time for Chocolate! He came in with a box of doughnuts (Tim Horton's!) and a box of Ferrero Rocher. He walked up to the desk and I said in a rather loud voice, "Ferrero Rocher! Mmmm!" He laughed and asked to speak to the manager. While he was waiting I told him I would marry him if he offered me a box. He laughed and blushed.

He left and came back into the office a few minutes later and called me aside. He handed me my own box Ferrero Rocher and quietly left the building.

2006-12-10T17:48:00.000-08:00

Someone sent me this and I thought I would share it. This isn't meant to depress you but I dare you to get through it without crying.
Lets just remember to pray for those less fortunate this year.

http://www.vidilife.com/video_play_143935_happy_Christmas_war_is_over_.htm

Will post about my staff party later. Still really tired from going to bed after 3:30!

2006-12-09T17:46:00.000-08:00

This little creature is a Warm Fuzzie. Why? Because I had the nicest compliment today. I ran into a girl I went to college with and she looked me up and down and said, "You look great!". (Me- stunned) We chatted a bit then she went on to say how well I aged. (Me- speechless).

It was so nice to hear that. I have been feeling rather haggard lately. I know, I know I am only 35 but I am nowhere as thin as I once was and definitely not as cute.

I was so grateful for her kind words. I am quite honestly walking on air tonight.

In other news. Staff Christmas party tonight. Pictures to come.

I will not get drunk.

I will not get drunk.
I will not get drunk.
I will not get drunk.

but I know I will...

Update
So very tired. So hungover. No post today,

2006-12-08T17:38:00.000-08:00

This last year has been financially tight. Don't get me wrong. I keep my bills paid and food in the cupboard. I was beginning to stress because I have less than $75.00 in my bank account right now. I thought I had finished Christmas shopping but I hadn't. When I went through the presents I had been stashing throughout the year I realized I only had one present for my son and a few stocking stuffers! How could I have been so neglectful as to totally overlook my kids? I didn't know what to do. I have been feeling embarrassed. I talked to the kids two days ago and told them that I just want going to be able to do a lot this year for Christmas. It was humiliating.

This afternoon at work I found a strange looking package in my pigeon-hole. When I unwrapped it I found this.

I am not sure who put it there. Whoever is was wished to remain anonymous. The nice thing is I work with so many truly amazing people it could have been one of several.

I am grateful today for gifts from 'Santa' but moreover, being loved by coworkers.

2006-12-06T21:39:00.000-08:00

I received word this week that my uncle died suddenly. He had been diagnosed with cancer in the summer but was going to the cancer clinic and doing well. He had returned to work but got pneumonia suddenly last Wednesday. He was admitted to hospital and was going to come home on Saturday. On Friday my aunt got a call that he had suddenly took a turn for the worse. She came to his side and surrounded by his family he died on Saturday.He was still young, in his early 60's. I had not seen him much in the last few years. Families grow and drift in different directions. But I remember a handsome man that always took the time to give me a hug and never stopped calling me Barbie. I am going to miss just knowing he was around.This is for you Uncle. You made my world a better place. I love you.

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

2006-12-06T21:37:00.001-08:00

2006-12-04T18:39:00.000-08:00

Is anybody able to tell me why my body feels the need to take the biggest shit of the month when I am at the mall? I'm just sayin'.

I don't know. Maybe it is just me that these things happen to.

2006-12-02T17:42:00.000-08:00

Aren't weekends wonderful? I work Tuesday to Saturday and have Sunday and Monday off. I love Sunday and Monday. I can be a lady of leisure. I sleep late on Sunday and shuffle around in my bathrobe most of the day. I don't answer the phone and I watch videos in bed.

I am feeling better since I started taking Thyroid medication. I am not 100 % but pretty close and that is saying a lot. My resting heart rate is still very fast and I will pursue this in the new year. Last doctors visit my doctor said she was hearing a soft 'click' but it was not a reason for a major concern.

I am now counting down to my holidays. Yes indeed folks! It is that time of the year again! Only 20 days until I am off, off, off for two full weeks! Yay! I get to spend two weeks with the two people I love the most. How can I ask for anything more?

Well, I am cold (sitting next to the window) so I am going to crawl into bed and just R-E-L-A-X!

2006-12-01T18:26:00.000-08:00

Because of the snow I took two days off this week so I am working from home to catch up. I now look at this pile of filing and I think maybe it wasn't such a good idea! However, we are going to put aside work for tonight and go a light-up festival! Yay!

Update - I am back from the Christmas light-up and working now. It seemed like a good idea at the time but now I don't want to be working. I am cold and want to go have a bath. There are two cats that want to be petted and I just can't ignore them can I? I guess I really shouldn't be blogging eh? OK..back to work!

Another Update- I am finished now and only got distracted once for the above post. I have a nice Hot Chocolate with mini marshmallows and it is warming my hands and tummy! Mmmm. It doesn't get much better than this.

2006-11-30T18:52:00.000-08:00

Just taking some time off to post. I am working from home today (sort of). The schools called another snow day and there was nobody to look after the kidlets so I asked my boss if I could work from home. I know I could quite easily do this everyday. I am in sweats and able to focus on my job without the hundreds of interruptions that I normally get at work.

Today I also paid bills and returned books to the library that that were overdue. It appears that the snow is slowly disappearing due to the rain and life is returning to normal here on our island. ~sigh~ I kinda wish the snow would stick around for a while longer.

My lower back is still very sore at times. If I stand up too quick or move in certain directions it takes my breath away. The doctor said if it wasn't better by this time to go back. I keep hoping I will wake up and it will be better. I will go to the drop-in clinic on Sunday if it is still sore. (bah. I really don't like going to the drop-in clinic. It is so germie!)

Oh. One more thing. If you are single and have tried online dating you may not yet have found Plenty of Fish. It is a totally free site. You can post and reply for free. The guy that started it was tired of being ripped off so-called online dating sites so he came up with Plenty of Fish. The site will never ask for money. It is worth checking out. www.plentyoffish.com

If you have someone go "get yourself some" right now. I will be here when you get back.

2006-11-28T18:05:00.000-08:00

The weather here has been totally nuts! Last week it rained so much we were put on a boil water advisory. This week it has snowed and snowed some more. The temperature has dropped way into the negatives. I would like to be out playing but my back is still crappy from the Angel Food Cake Incident. We have been staying home and watching Christmas movies that never fail to entertain. (The dad in "A Christmas Story" cracks me up!)

I am (thankfully) almost finished my Christmas shopping. Being a single parent on one income makes it tough to buy presents at the same time so I have been hoarding things away all year, I just have to get a few presents for the kids and then I am done. Yay!

Scut Farkas. What a rotten name. He had yellow eyes! Yellow eyes! So help me god he had yellow eyes!

2006-11-24T18:08:00.000-08:00

Good Answer!

I ask Boy-W to unload dishwasher. I go in a few minutes later to his check progress and he is spinning a pot lid made of glass on the counter...

Me - Boy-W, what are you doing?!

Boy - W - Spinning this lid.

Me - Do you know what that lid is made of?!

Boy-W - Glass?

Me- Yes! Do you know what will happen if it falls?!

Boy-W - It breaks?

Me- Yes! And then what happens?!

Boy-W- You turn into the She Hulk?

I was going for something of no longer having a lid for the pot...

2006-11-20T13:43:00.000-08:00

My cat is pure evil as you know. Since the day he moved in he does this little routine over and over and over.

1. Hops on chair

2. Hops from chair to table.

3. From table to counter.

4. Along counter.

5. I tell him "No!"

6. I put him on floor.

7. He runs around and hops back on chair.

8. This repeats 12, 000, 000 times/daily.

9. I put him away in his crate that he thinks is a torture chamber where he cries and freaks out until I let him out again.

Infinite repeats...

Why?

1. He wants milk.

That Cat is no longer sane. He will do anything in his power to get milk. He knows he gets one spoon at night on a little plate. This is not good enough. If I just move my body and I look like I am going to the kitchen he runs and tries to trip (kill) me on the way. Try as I might to be stealth and sneaky he has become smarter than I.

One day you will come to this blog and you will no longer find me. It will be because Norbert won.

(I know cats should not drink milk but he has been having it since he was a kitten and it has never bothered him with the exception of making him rotund.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Please go over and say congratulations to Kelly. She just had a sweet and perfect baby girl. Kelly is my oldest blogging friend but I have no idea how we met! She had started a blog for her son called "Letters to Jake" when he was just a newborn and I have been tuning into this friend and stranger ever since.

2006-11-19T23:06:00.000-08:00

This little collage sums up my weekend. I got off Friday and came home and made a cake with my daughter. While putting it in the oven I did something to my back! I couldn't stand up and hobbled like an old lady to my bed. I spent the weekend in bed watching I Love Lucy on DVD. (Lucy Meets Harpo is not only hilarious and brilliant, it is also amazing to watch!) I digress. I was in bed with ice packs and Ibuprofen. The cake, I might add turned out superb and I am going to go eat the last piece right now.

2006-11-17T20:03:00.000-08:00

Some answers...finally. I have been back and forth to the doctor this week. I generally only go to the doctor when I feel sick but lately it seems as if I should have a standing appointment. My regular doctor decided to move to Australia so I was left to find a new doctor. If you live in BC you know this a near impossibility. Fortunately I lucked out and found a doctor that is taking new patients because she just came back from maternity leave. Anyway, long story short, She wanted to do some blood work and it turns out my thyroid isn't doing what it should. This would explain the incredible fatigue and other symptoms I was having. I just had my thyroid tested a few months ago and all was fine. My mom told me her thyroid just up and quit working when she was 36 so heredity plays a part. I will start medication tomorrow. Here is to feeling better!

2006-11-13T18:02:00.000-08:00

An Open Post

I have been working on a project on Prince Edward Island with Boy -W for a better part of the day. I am now tired and achy and just want to go to bed. But Noooo. I signed myself up as Secretary for Girl-N's dancing group. Why did I do that? And why the hell does it start at 7:30? All of these people have kids and kids go to bed at 8:30. Sheesh. I am only staying an hour then leaving!
I have injured by shoulder and it damn well hurts. I have gone to the Osteopath but it still hurts.
Oh yes. I have a damn Pap tomorrow. Joy. I hate that. You feel all creepy and gross for the rest of the day.

Update - Maybe it is just me. Do you all ever feel like everyone else in the world is "getting it" but you are just walking around clueless? I have felt that way a good part of my life. I am not meaning to be sarcastic or silly here. I really feel that way a lot of the time. I went to this thing for my daughter's dancing and all the other mom's know about all the dances and competitions and technical stuff and I have no idea what anyone is talking about. I try to understand and keep up but everything just seems to fly past me.

And I feel stupid in those moments.

"People like me feel little and lost and ugly and dispensable... It's like every morning I wake up and I fail, and I look around and anybody, anybody can pull it off, but somehow I can't. And I know, I know I have everything, and I'm still miserable and it's pathetic. I know it's pathetic. No matter how hard I try, something about me will never be enough..."

Michelle Pheiffer as Rita Harrison in I am Sam

2006-11-11T22:09:00.000-08:00

2006-11-09T18:19:00.000-08:00

Found this over at Territorial and Flower in the Breeze.

1] What is your middle name? May

2] What color is your mailbox? Silver

3] Are you available? Single but not really looking right now.

4] Have you ever hit a deer? No. I would feel terrible if I did!

5] Do you have to drive over a bridge to get home? Depends which way I drive home.

6] Do you get the paper delivered to your house in the morning? No. I have a "No newspapers" rule. I read it online.

7] Who checks the mail in your house? I.

8] Do you have a small driveway? No.

9] Do you know anyone with the same ring tone as you? I have just the basic ring so I suppose I do.

10] What do you do first in the morning? Try to invent a disease so I don't have to go to work.

11] What brand is your printer? Canon

12] Do you enjoy fighting with people? No. I avoid it.

13] Is your hair naturally straight or curly? Kinda kinky.

14] Who was your kindergarten teacher? Ms. Sandison.

15] Are you taller than your mother? Yes

16] Do you have a favorite word? "Mmmnnnyup" (It means Yes)

17] Are you God? No. (What kind of question is that?)

18] What do you do to get over a broken heart? Just give it time.

19] Do you have a deep dark secret? Yes.

20] Do you enjoy writing in colored pens? Always.

21] Does anything hurt on your body right now? My right shoulder. (going to the Osteopath tomorrow)

22] Do you often cry during a movie? Not often.

23] Do you hate your life? No. (Again, what kind of question is that?)

24] Do you get mad easily? No.

25] What is your biggest pet peeve? Bullying.

26] What is your away message? That is something to do with instant messaging right? I don't do that,

27] Do any of your friends have kids? Yes

28] Who should pay on the first date? Both parties.

29] How many years older than you are you willing to date? 10 years.

30] Do you have any friends? Again. What kind of question is that?

31] Do you have any mean friends? I used to. They go in the "I don't care to be treated this way. Goodbye" pile.

32] What is the ugliest color in your opinion? There are no ugly colours. Just ugly shades.

33] Have you ever liked someone who all your friends couldn't stand? lol Yes.

34] Have you ever felt like driving off a cliff? Yeah I suppose.

35] Do you itch your ears? I guess so.

36] What brand are the pant/jeans you are wearing right now? Santana (Work clothes)

37] How tall are you? 5'3

38]What is the closest green object? Green pen.

39] What is on your feet? socks and slippers. (I am freezing!)

40] Do you like watermelon? Lately watermelon has tasted like crap but if it is organic and picked at the right time it is delicious!

41] Do you want to have kids? I have kids and would like more.

42] What is the brightest color you are wearing? Wearing all dark blue (again, work clothes.)

43] Who is the friend you have that you would never have expected to have gotten to know? My book club friends.

44] What is your mothers middle name? May (same as mine and my daughter's)

45] Stupidest movie you ever saw? Shark Tale

46] Do you like your dad? I adore him.

47] Do you have any TV shows on DVD? Little House on the Prairie, Seinfeld & I love Lucy.

48] Are you wearing makeup? Not right now. It is all worn off.

49]Do you have a tattoo? Yes. Snoopy & Woodstock on my ankle

50] Do you know how to draw? No.

51] Who is your hero? My dad.

52] Who did you last IM? See # 26.

53] Do you work a lot of hours? Yes! 40 - 50 hours a week.

54] What do you do when you are stressed out? Sleep or EFT.

55] Who was the last person to call you? My mom.

56] Is there anything you regret? Yes.

57] Do you know where your family name originated from? Germany.

58] Is there an animal that creeps you out? Millipedes.

59] What was the last thing you did for fun? It is a terrible thing to say I can't remember.

60] Last time you cried? Last week.

2006-11-06T21:01:00.000-08:00

He's right...

I often have the "Life's Not Fair" discussion with my kids. After school today I rallied the kids to help with unloading the dishwasher, folding and putting away laundry, vacuuming and tidying the living room.

After an hour of work The Discussion started.

Boy W - "I am tired. I want to go watch a video."

Me - "The house is a mess and it needs to be cleaned up."

Boy W- "But I already unloaded the dishwasher and folded laundry."

Me - "You are not done yet. You need to go clean up around the hamster's cage. It is a mess."

Boy - "But that's not fair!"

Me - "Whoever said life would be fair Boy W? The hamster belongs to you! How is it not fair? Who else should be cleaning the mess?"

Boy W- "The hamster?"

~~~

I got the above picture off the net. It came off a parenting site that said to ask your kids what they think is fair when the, "It's not fair" discussion comes up. Sorry to all you parenting experts out there but give it up. Life isn't fair. No boss in the world is going to deal with your child this way and you are not doing them any favours by discussing things.

Yup. Life isn't fair and best to teach them when they are young to suck it up and deal with it. The best way to be happy in this life is not to avoid the bumps along the way buy learn how to ride over them and still do your best. It is crap parenting like this that makes kids unable to deal with the real world.

2006-11-02T22:38:00.000-08:00

You know, I really hate my job. I love most of the people I work with and they are the reason I stay. But most of the clients are demanding, rude and selfish. So yeah. I hate my job. Most people hate their jobs. Well maybe not hate but I have never met someone who looked at the clock at quitting time and said, " I don't want to leave!" But tonight I had an Epiphany. I have decided to start liking the Universal Fact that we all think our jobs are a drag. And with that thought... (click the link for a little song)

http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v136/serenity_seeking/?action=view&current=My_Cubicle_0001.flv

2006-10-27T19:11:00.000-07:00

It is hard to keep a straight face when two sisters are looking at urinals for their dad and one sister says to the other, "I don't know if it will fit".

I started to giggle and realized what I was doing and bit my lip. Fortunately, they both saw the humour in the statement and started laughing too. What she was meaning is she didn't know if he would be able to use it since his stroke but it didn't come out that way.

2006-10-23T23:05:00.000-07:00

How to Find an AWOL Hamster in 3, 938 Steps and Clean and Organize Your Entire House in the Process.

Yesterday morning I woke up and did what I do every Sunday morning. I got out of bed, put on my robe and slippers and went and sat down at the computer. Within 2 minutes The Girl informed me that the hamster was missing. I don't know how exactly he knows it is Sunday but almost every Sunday he is missing. Weird. Usually I find him behind the couch or under the stove in the drawer. He always brings a huge mouthful of food along and dumps it in the drawer and plays amongst the pots and pans. Lately he is making a stop at the cat dish and hoarding that into his wee mouth and dropping it in the over drawer too. He is always happy to see me and is easy to catch.

Until yesterday. I searched. And I searched. I searched everywhere! I pulled out every piece of furniture and looked in every nook and cranny. I searched for hours! I was convinced he has either escaped into the building or That Cat ate him whole.

By the time 5:30 rolled around I was still in my pyjamas and needed to go to the grocery store. I called off the search and we got our shoes on.

And there he was. Sitting happy as can be in the bottom of my shoe bin. I think he smiled at me because he looked very pleased with himself. (He did!) I noticed that he chewed my best pair of black velvet pumps but the kids were so overjoyed at seeing him I only got a little teeny bit mad. After all, it is a hamster. Talking it out or punishing only makes them rebel more.

At the end of the day I had a giant box and a large bag for charity. I had 2 large bags of garbage and a large load of recycling. I cleaned out the shoe closet, pulled out and washed all the pots and pans under the stove and washed the drawer. I reorganized my living room and made some space for The Girl's dollhouse. I almost thanked the little thing but I don't want it to go to his head.

2006-10-20T19:51:00.000-07:00

Murphy's Plumbing Law- When something has been done wrong to begin with.... anything done to try and correct it... will only serve to make matters worse.

Anyway...

Last night one of the cats scratched me and this afternoon I went to put some antibiotic cream on it. I swear Murphy follows me around. I took the cap off the tube and life went into slow motion...

The cap slipped from my fingers and fell to the sink, bounced and in that moment I hoped it would not go in. It bounced again and I knew it was not looking good. I made a grab for it and it rolled halfway around the sink and I just missed it as it went down the hole. Down, down, down. I got a knife from the kitchen and tried to scoop it out but only proceeded to force it down the hole. Did that stop me! Nooo! I tried again and forced it further down. With my mouth set in a determined line I once more tried to retrieve it. It disappeared.

~sigh~

I pulled out almost everything from under the sink and started twisting pipes. I got one loose but the other wouldn't budge. I got out my trusty toolbox and dug out the wrench and turned thinking "righty tighty, lefty loosey". I finally got it loose and water poured everywhere. Gross! Brown hairy water was everywhere! (Gag) And the cap. The reason for all this trouble. I soaked it in Hydrogen Peroxide and washed my hands. Then I covered the cat scratches with the antibiotic cream.

2006-10-19T17:54:00.000-07:00

This is how I feel tonight. I am so tired! I came home and sat down and haven't moved. Some days I don't like being a single mom working full time. I admit I am envious of moms that get to stay home. I work because I have to, not by choice. When I get home I have as many meals to make, notices to sign and homework as a stay at home mom. All the laundry, dusting, vacuuming and cleaning doesn't get done until I get home. I am jealous of the stay at home moms chatting in the school parking lot over coffee in the morning when I drop off the kids and go off to work. I am resentful when stay at home parents don't understand why I don't volunteer at the school. The fact is I would love to be volunteering!

My kids get me at my worst time of the day. When I see them after work I am too tired to even sit down for a meal most nights. I am always running around doing laundry, cleaning the house and preparing for the next day. (And trust me when I say that I let a lot of housework go just so I can spend time with my kids.)

I do get the kids to help. At 8 & 10 they make their lunches for school, get their clothes out for the next day, empty the dishwasher, sweep the floors and do other household chores. Some days I feel like I am not letting them have a childhood by making them work.

I don't like envy and jealousy. They are ugly characteristics. I will feel better in a day or two. But right now I don't have a solution for my problem.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I just realized something. First I felt horrified then I felt awful! Laura, my dear sweet blogging friend, I apologize for not having you in my blog roll! It was a total oversight on my part because I already have a This is Me. I thought I added you long ago! I love you and I am so sorry if I have hurt your feelings. I have now added you to the top of my blog roll and there you shall remain forever. Know that you are one of my most favourite blogging friends. (((hugs)))

2006-10-15T18:56:00.000-07:00

Haiku

The kids are fighting.
The cats are fighting also.
I am going nuts

2006-10-12T19:49:00.000-07:00

First, I want to say thank you to everyone for your comments on my last post. I love you all, my blogging friends. Your words have encouraged to tell you a little about my story and recovery. Will be writing more over the few weeks.

Over here I have been sick like dog. I have been in bed for 4 days! Here is the sucky part. I took 2 days off at the end of the long weekend to make a total of 5 days. I haven't take time off since I started there 2 1/2 years ago. WHAT? Why do I get sick when I finally do take time off? I want to cry because I really needed this time off to figure some things out. All I can do is attribute it to being totally stressed at my job and my body crashed. Anyway, I am back tomorrow and I am nowhere closer to making decisions. I am very frustrated and trying to look at the blessing in this.

In other news... (This is good news!)

We got a new cat!

I have been wanting one for months and had gone to the SPCA several times but nothing clicked. We finally found our kitty on Friday. She is an older girl of 8. She is an itty bitty thing that loves to cuddle and be petted and she comes when she called. It took a few days to name her but we finally decided on Isabelle. Norbert (the evil cat at the top of my blog) likes her but she doesn't want anything to do with him. There has been no fights yet but a lot of hissing and growling. I am sure they are going to be best friends. Here are some pictures from her 7 month stay at the SPCA. (Nobody wants an older cat apparently.) We all adore her and she adores us. Isn't she lovely?

2006-10-09T00:12:00.000-07:00

I will let you in on a little secret. It is not one that I am ashamed of but it is one I rarely discuss. I suffer from Depression. And it really sucks sometimes. I have felt feelings of depression since I was young but it wasn't given a name until I was older. I hate the term "Depression". I feel even as I write this I am being judged. I feel like someone is going to tell me to "snap out of it" or to "give my worries over to god". Those judgements hurt.

Anyway, Depression is something I have learned to live with. Most days are good. Some days are great! Some days are horrible. One thing that helps me through the rougher days is my "Joy Box". It is a little tiny suitcase that belonged to my grandmother. It is full of pictures, poems, letters and greeting cards. When I am having a particularly sad day I open it up and spend some time looking through it and I don't feel as sad. Inside are reminders that I am loved and that tomorrow is a new day.

I haven't told many people that know me personally about my "Joy Box". Most people that know me personally don't know about the Depression. I just thought it was time I shared it here. I am going to print out this picture of the little foal and put it in my box. He makes me smile. :)

2006-10-07T20:56:00.001-07:00

Listen

with the night falling we are saying thank you

we are stopping on the bridges to bow from the railings

we are running out of the glass rooms

with our mouths full of food to look at the sky

and say thank you

we are standing by the water thanking it

standing by the windows looking out in our directions

back from a series of hospitals back from a mugging

after funerals we are saying thank you after the news of the dead

whether or not we knew them we are saying thank you

over telephones we are saying thank you

in doorways and in the backs of cars and in elevators

remembering wars and the police at the door

and the beatings on stairs we are saying thank you

in the banks we are saying thank you

in the faces of the officials and the rich

and of all who will never change

we go on saying thank you thank you

with the animals dying around us

taking our feelings we are saying thank you

with the forests falling faster than the minutes

of our lives we are saying thank you

with the words going out like cells of a brain

with the cities growing over us

we are saying thank you faster and faster

with nobody listening we are saying thank you

thank you we are saying and waving

dark though it is

W.S. Merwin, Thanks

I love Thanksgiving. It is my favourite holiday by far. It is a time where God gives me a little shake and gratefulness comes out of my soul.

We live in a prosperous country. My children are well nourished and are immunized against deadly diseases. I have a roof over my head and every night I sleep in a warm bed.

My children and I have never seen war. I have access to medical care. I am prosperous. (A computer. A TV. A car. A telephone. A DVD player. A Cell phone. A Cell phone! I have a bath every night in gallons of fresh water. The list goes on.)

As I sit here with my tummy full of food I say Thank You.

2006-10-05T20:00:00.000-07:00

Have you ever sent and e mail to someone in error? I have. I have sent people e mail telling them news that was not related to them in the least. Have you ever received and e mail that wasn't supposed to be for you? I have. One was an invite to a 25th Grad Reunion. The ones I have sent and received were no big deal. I just e mailed the sender/receiver and set things right.

Until today. I received an e mail that was not meant for me to see. It was from a long time friend of my mom's. I have known this lady my whole life. This woman and her husband separated a few years back and she has had a few boyfriends. That is where this e mail comes in. The e mail was to her boyfriend and about...pl//$ur'ng herself with a shower head because the batteries were low in her v//brt0r. I was horrified! The entire e mail was one short paragraph. Don't get me wrong. We are all se+uaI beings and I know we all do it! I just didn't expect to know the details of my mom's friend doing that. I don't think she has realized her mistake yet.

I deleted the e mail but I feel very weird about the whole thing.

How would you deal with something like this?

(Please excuse the weirdly typed words. This is the way to keep weirdos away!)

2006-10-03T20:21:00.000-07:00

For My Women Readers
I was going to write about how much it sucks having my period. (Yeah, yeah. Too much info. It's my blog. Get over it.) Anyway, as always I was going to post a picture and this is what I found when I did a search under "period cramps". WTF? Could I hate this woman anymore? I think not. What is that falling from the sky? Why is she lifting her hands in such a joyous response? Could she be any thinner? Where is the bloating and pimples? Why is she is a such good mood. Why oh why is she wearing white pants?
This is picture is how I look at this time of the month and I would like to snap Happy Woman in two.
(One last thing. Is it just me or are Happy Woman's hand enormous?)

2006-09-30T21:45:00.000-07:00

I know, I know. I post far too many pictures of my cat but this one is just a part of what can happen when you buy a dollhouse for your daughter and try to put it together yourself.
The box should have a warning like you see on the side of medications.

"The assembly of this dollhouse may cause fits of rage, hair loss, eye twitches, blurting out of obscenities, uncontrollable shaking, panic, blurred vision, vertigo, rapid heart beat, nausea, headache and extreme fatigue. If any of these symptoms don't subside do not smash the house into pieces. Seek medical attention. The manufacturers of this dollhouse accept no responsibility for your actions and accept no liability when you take a hammer to it."

I kid you not. This thing came with about 12,000 pieces. After about 3 hours I gave up and had a nap and slept for a solid 2 hours. I came back refreshed and it took about another 2. The kids and the cat (thinking it was being built for him) did not help. When I finally finished we had to go to buy 6 aaa batteries, not included of course to make the doorbell and lights work. There were a few leftover pieces but I just pushed them under the couch.

2006-09-29T17:05:00.000-07:00

This morning while in my car I was sitting at a light waiting to go through an intersection. The light changed and the lady beside me in the lane to turn left decided to go straight and almost side-swiped me. I was so mad that I yelled out the open window, "What the f*** do you think you're doing?" First, let me say I don't make it a habit to use words like that. Second of all, I have never used words like that in front of my kids. But there they were. Sitting in the back seat with their mouths agape. I was absolutely shocked with myself! I was quiet for a moment and pondered whether or not they heard me. (They had to, the entire intersection probably heard me.) I then meekly apologized to their innocent ears. I told them that was a bad word and not one they should ever use. I then rethought and told them that sometimes we do say bad words when we get angry or frustrated but we should try to avoid such language. They didn't say much. I wonder if they told this tidbit for Show and Tell?

2006-09-27T22:40:00.000-07:00

19, 997. That is how many hits I have had. Please say hi if you come by and I will let you know who is # 20,000! Weeeeee! (I know, I need to get out more.)

(Please don't ruin it by hitting refresh.)

This is a good time to come out and say hi if you are a lurker.

2006-09-25T10:56:00.000-07:00

*sigh* I saw the coupon in a magazine at the dentist office. I knew I didn't need more Tampax, I have not even opened the box I have! (See Tampax incident from a few posts back.) It was just silly to even think about getting more. But it was 2 for 1 and the coupon was expiring in 5 days. So I took it. (I asked the dentist lady first.) And I bought two more packages. I am now the proud owner of 180 (assorted absorbency) Tampax.

What do you think of the new picture at the top of my blog? I say it is proof that my cat is indeed evil and waiting to kill me! Look at those eyes! Look at how he lies in wait to pounce unawares.

You all know I secretly adore my cat. He is too cute for words and I adore him from his fuzzy nose to the tip of his stripey tail.

2006-09-24T21:14:00.000-07:00

I am still fighting a cold. I went to bed this afternoon to rest for a few minutes and woke up 2 1/2 hours later. I find I can take natural cold remedies and I never actually get the cold but get very tired. I used to take a lot of over the counter medications but they would make me feel so spacey that I stopped taking them. I guess tired is better than spacey.

OK! I am off for a hot bath then bed.

2006-09-23T17:02:00.000-07:00

I just received a very wonderful gift today from a beautiful blogging friend named Laura. Laura lives almost as far as one Canadian can live from another. (She is in New Brunswick and I on Vancouver Island.) She and I decided to do a gift exchange and she sent me the BEST sock monkey in the world! Her name is Adelia and she has on the cutest sock monkey dress and bloomers. She even has earrings!

Thank you Laura. (((Hugs)))

I haven't set her down since I took her out of the box. It was love at first sight!

2006-09-22T20:15:00.000-07:00

I am getting a cold. I have been taking very good care of myself but I feel it coming on. Sore throat. Achy. Weak and tired. I have loaded up on Echinacea, Vitamin C and Oil of Oregano. I am going to go have a hot bath and go to bed early. Sick be gone! Gone I say!

2006-09-21T23:29:00.000-07:00

This morning really felt like Fall. It was cold out. The wind from the north had a bite to it and I was thankful for a hot drink at work.

Mornings are always a fun time where I work as are lunch breaks. This afternoon we were all laughing so hard that I thought one guy was going to choke. I am glad to say that I don't hate my job. I kinda like it. I like my coworkers that know they can get a rise out of me by telling me off-colour jokes. I like the wonderful mother figures I work with that listen to me and tell me that I am doing a good job. I like that someone makes coffee around 3:30 and lets me know that 'fresh coffee is on' even though I rarely drink it. I like that the manager buys me post-its that represent the seasons. (hearts, trees) I like that the bosses listen to my ideas. I like even more that they let me be creative and I don't have to ask permission to make changes. I like the girl in accounting that swears and is rough around the edges. I like the guy in receiving that laughs at my jokes. I like the elevator guy who always has a joke to tell.

I know. It is just a job. But I spend more time with these people than my own family. I need to like what I am doing and who I am with. I am thankful. I am thankful.

What are you thankful for?

(The picture up there is off the web. That is yours truly on the right. I have blocked out the name of the company in case any psycho's want to attack me in the parking lot after work!)

2006-09-18T19:36:00.000-07:00

I think my life has come down to thinking about posts to write in my blog. Seriously. It is a sad state of affairs.

This moring while reading blogs I felt a presence that was not human. I was being watched. Sure enough I was. Norbert was staring at me. I looked over and he didn't blink. He just started. Weird cat.

Today I went to a place downtown that promotes literacy. It is in a rather seedy part of town and you have to ring a bell to get in. When the nice lady answered I felt like I was being let into a Speakeasy. Anyway, I digress. This place is the cornocopia of used books. They are not crappy books either! My eyes glazed over and I lost control as I loaded my arms with books. I left paying $25.00 for about 10 books.

Is it just me or does anyone else think these are adorable?

I found these dear kitties and liked them so much I bought 4 sets. If anyone likes them e-mail me and let me know and I will send them to you (free!) I have to know you through blogging and you have to be Canadian (too expensive to send across the border). I was actaully going to ask Ellen & Curtis or Leslie but I didn't want you thinking I was a freak. I have 3 sets. First 3 people get them. (Note- Dust (cough) on phone not included.)

2006-09-17T00:13:00.000-07:00

Do you want to know what I just did? I got so mad at Blogger I actually growled, closed my eyes and scrunched up my fists and shook them. (Not a normal Barbara reaction to rage.) This new Beta version is absolute garbage. I wouldn't have downloaded it if they would have told me before that I wouldn't be able to comment on blogs unless they had the Beta version too! I had to create a whole damn new account and that wouldn't publish. I had all sorts of words coming from my mouth. Let's just say it is a good thing the kids are asleep.

~~~~~~

In Other News/To Further Prove my Insanity

Have you ever had a dream that you were dreaming and in the dream you were trying to wake up from the dream? Yeah. I know. It was weird.

2006-09-15T21:06:00.000-07:00

The feeling of being small (3 or 4) and watching The Friendly Giant and Mr. Dressup. Of course it was always followed by Sesame Street.

If you have the time take, a walk down a part of a Canadian child's morning (10:15 - 12:00) in the 70's and 80's.

The Friendly Giant
Mr. Dressup
Sesame Street with The Alligator King, The Ladybug Picnic, and Number 9 Cutie were my favourites.

It was followed by a lunch made by my mom. (Campbell's Tomato Soup and a Grilled Cheese Sandwich.) Then the worst part of a preschoolers life. A Nap.
Tell me about your Canadian memories.

(Thank you to my Canadian friend Hillary for the link!)

2006-09-13T20:44:00.000-07:00

One of the many things I've learned in Al Anon was to never make a decision when I am feeling

Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired.

Tonight I am feeling 3 out of the 4 but I all it will take is for a telemarketer to call and I will be 4 for 4. When I feel this way I HALT!

I have never learned to deal well with some areas of life but I am glad I can at least recognize what I am feeling. For years I pushed emotions and feelings aside because I thought I wasn't entitled to feel a certain way. How silly is that thinking?

Tonight I am doing some self-care. I had a hot bath and I am going to be early with a snack. I am going to read until I fall asleep.

Do you do self care?

2006-09-11T22:11:00.000-07:00

I cleaned out my very messy closet today. It was my day off and I set my 'to do' list with only one thing. To clean out my closet. I found all manner of clothing in there! The most interesting was underwear from my th*ng underwear phase. I can tell you right out that I did not find it comfortable as the th*ng wearing population attests too. I did keep a cute red pair with matching br@ just in case I ever meet someone, fall in love and feel like sharing that part of me again. *sigh* Lately I don't think that will ever happen. A girl has to have hope I suppose.
~
I have a secret. An embarrassing one. My son is bringing homework home that I don't know how to do. It isn't hard stuff either. It is just Grade 5 math. However, I have a learning disability in math and I am horrible at it. I compensate for this in language arts. In college I received 100 % in the entrance exam. But I digress. I suck at math. I had to tell his teacher today that I am not able to help him. I have called a tutor and have an assessment next week. My son's very nice teacher gave me a book that goes over everything that is needed to get through grade 5. I am glad he was nice about it because I was mortified.

2006-09-11T21:48:00.000-07:00

I hate 9/11. My lack of posting about today is not because I don't care. On the contrarty. This day altered my life in so many ways. It is too painful to write about. I do remember. I wish I could forget.

2006-09-07T20:09:00.000-07:00

It seemed like a good idea at the time. Buying a huge box of Tampax that is. I brought the massive box that was too big to fit in a bag. I didn't care! I am a liberated woman and I am not embarrassed! Well...I am. Sort of. These babies are anything but discreet. My only problem now is where do I keep 100 tampons plus a free box of pantiliners?

Please! Anyone! I would like to know how I can move my sidebar over so it does not take up half the page! Grrr! I have been messing around with the numbers for an hour. I would like the side bar down right without that huge amount of free space to the right of it. I would also like my posts to be margined more to the left. Help!

2006-09-03T23:00:00.000-07:00

I don't know how many times I have spoken about my divorce. It still bring such unbelievable pain even four years later. When I speak to other people who have been through a divorce it seems to be a happy event torn with anger. For me it is a deeply sad event torn with times of deep regret and pain.

I made the decision to leave. I made some decisions that I did not understand at the time and I understand even less today. I know I hurt him deeply. And I hate myself for it. I just know that the love that was there had vanished and I was left feeling empty and lonely. When all the decisions were made and he moved out I wondered what I had done but I just did not have any feelings that a wife should have. I never wanted to get back together. For the sake of our children I tried but I couldn't do it.

It has been over 4 years and I still weep with regret and what could have been. I failed him and our children.

The best words that describe the ache that still constantly surrounds my heart are the words by Gordon Lighfoot.

If you could read my mind love

What a tale my thoughts could tell

Just like an old time movie

bout a ghost from a wishin well

In a castle dark or a fortress strong

With chains upon my feet

You know that ghost is me

And I will never be set free

As long as Im a ghost that you cant see

If I could read your mind love

What a tale your thoughts could tell

Just like a paperback novel

The kind that drugstores sell

When you reach the part where the heartaches come

The hero would be me

But heroes often fail

And you wont read that book again

Because the endings just too hard to take

Id walk away like a movie star

Who gets burned in a three way script

Enter number two

A movie queen to play the scene

Of bringing all the good things out in me

But for now love, lets be real

I never thought I could act this way

And Ive got to say that I just dont get it

Idont know where we went wrong

But the feelins gone

And I just cant get it back

If you could read my mind love

What a tale my thoughts could tell

Just like an old time movie

bout a ghost from a wishin well

In a castle dark or a fortress strong

With chains upon my feet

But stories always end

And if you read between the lines

Youll know that Im just tryin to understand

The feelins that you lack

I never thought I could feel this way

And Ive got to say that I just to get it

I dont know where we went wrong

But the feelins gone

And I just cant get it back

2006-08-31T20:44:00.000-07:00

Perfect Post Awards

In the beginning of August I read a post called,
"Why I Hate Horses".

Personally, I hate horses too. I hate the way they look, I hate the way they smell, I hate their big teeth and their hard feet that kick. I hate how they get "spooked" and run off. And that freaky noise they make with their lips while blowing out air. You know the noise. Go ahead and try it.

Most people love horses. I remember when I was a little girl all the other girls wanted to play "horses". I never understood the point. I thought I was alone in my hatred until I read Rocks & Garbage. When I read this post I laughed until I cried becasue there are not many that share my sentiments.

Please go over to http://rocksandgarbage.blogspot.com/ and scroll down to the August 9th post called, "Why I Hate Horses".

Don't forget to stop by http://www.suburbanturmoil.blogspot.com/ or http://www.petroville.com/ and see some other Perfect Posts!

2006-08-29T21:27:00.000-07:00

Even though today was a rotten day I am trying to think of things to be grateful for.

A friend I have known since kindergarten (30 years!) gave me a huge box of clothes her daughter had outgrown. It could not have come at a better time because my daughter desperately needed new clothes.
Both of my kids are healthy, safe, ate 3 meals today and here with me in my home this evening.
A job that pays the bills.
The co-worker that works to the right of my desk.
Norbert.
Running into 4 different friends today all at different times.
Days that come to an end.
Sleep!

That is all. Be well.

2006-08-27T16:59:00.000-07:00

The post in which I complain and whine.

I read in a book last night that complaining is part of being human. (";and thus was ever on their lips the countrymen's perpetual lament, so reasonable to the ear, but which recurs unfailingly: ")

I am so tired of the sameness of everything. I don't have anything to look forward to. I think if I were completely honest with myself I would admit that I am lonely. I miss the companionship of a man however I am not willing to be with just any man. I want to be in love. My problem is that I simply don't have time to even try dating. Between working 40 - 50 hours a week and being a mom there isn't time. The only night I have to myself is one or two Wednesday evenings a month when my kids are at their dad's.
I guess I am just tired and need some time to refresh but I just can't seem to slow down.

2006-08-22T22:20:00.000-07:00

I need some advice. Last month I took The Boy and The Girl to have their eyes tested. It turned out they both needed glasses. I bought two pairs and both kids were excited about them. The Girl is still excited about them but The Boy "hates them" and is refusing to wear them. He told me he won't wear them to school. (Oh, yes you will!) School starts in a few weeks and I feel bad for the kid! He is starting grade 5 and it must be hard to go back to school with glasses that you got during the summer. He has never showed such defiance before. He is usually very agreeable!

So these are the facts.

He hates them.
He will wear them.

The only thing I can think of to make this a little easier is let him start wearing them a couple weeks after school starts when it won't be such a big deal. I really have no other ideas. I would love to hear your advice. Any suggestions?

2006-08-21T17:11:00.000-07:00

I think it may be just me but I am sick of summer! It is too damn hot! You can't go outside because you either dehydrate or get sun burnt even with an SPF 30. I am looking forward to Fall. I love the cool crisp evenings. I love the rain (I do!) I love sweater weather. I love the leaves changing and coming home to a tasty stew waiting for us in the Crock Pot.
I went to the eye doctor today and my eyes are worse. I have a really strong astigmatism and need new glasses. If you are wondering what it is like to look on the world with an astigmatism it looks like this.
In other news, I think he may be trying to escape into the outside. All he does now is sleep, eat one piece of kibble at a time and try to get out open doors and windows. I have taken up using a spray bottle because I am too damn hot too chase after him!

2006-08-20T11:33:00.000-07:00

My toilet stared leaking a few days ago and since I can't afford a plumber, (I wouldn't get one if I could, I am way too independent!) I decided to do it myself. Thankful for the trusty internet I got online and found the problem. It appeared to be a simple repair. I bought the part which I will refer to as the pipe thingy. (I have no idea what it is called.) I got home and set to work but the area between the vanity and the toilet is about 15 centimeters wide and I am a lot more wide than that! Anyway, I wedged myself in and did the repair and managed to wedge myself back out. So far it has held and no longer leaking. All I have to do now is pray!

2006-08-15T23:54:00.000-07:00

Those who know me would probably use the words klutz and scatterbrained. I am! And I am ok in my klutzdom.

In the afternoon I work on filling out forms for the DVA. It is an easy job but tedious and exact and though I am all the descriptive words above, I do this job well.

I keep a sort of an assembly line going where I separate the forms then add the pertinent ones for signature, staple them then toss the binder clip into a small bin for the next time around. While sitting in my (borrowed) office (I am not good enough yet to have my own) I took a binder clip and accidentally threw it into my water. I stealthily looked out the door to see if anyone noticed and fished it out. Did I drink the water afterwards? What do you think?

~
In other work related news I presented an idea last week to the owner and the general manager. They were fully supportive and will even pay for me to take courses to get certified in the field. I am so excited! I am used to jobs where I am treated poorly and feel like they don't want me around. This job is different. They always listen to my ideas and 99% of the time I get to implement them. They even let me use the laminator! Since I am they only employee other than the owner that has been given free reign to use it I think I shall keep this job. I am the Laminator! It is like the Terminator only I don't get to kill anyone or have a really cool outfit or have a gun or...Ok it isn't at all like the Terminator but I do get to laminate things and the corners of the sheets do get really sharp but I always cut them off so nobody will hurt herself. (sigh)

2006-08-14T21:26:00.000-07:00

I got my results back today and the results showed nothing. Not exactly nothing but not anything that can be fixed. Yes, I have a racing heart but they don't know what is causing it. That is a good thing in one respect because it isn't going to require surgery. It is not a good thing because if nothing is "wrong" it can be fixed. My doctor wanted to put me on medication but after much discussion I decided against it. So now what? It is a wait and see and if does not improve he will send me to a specialist.
I want to thank you for all your comments. I really do love each of you.
In other news I decided to buy some "I Love Lucy" DVD's. The kids and I have been laughing a fit to kill. We just have the first two seasons but will be getting more! It does a heart good to laugh!

2006-08-12T22:51:00.000-07:00

I tried to take a break but I like to hear myself talk so I am still here. I wish I could rest. I think it would help but alas...I can never stop thinking and writing. It is therapy.
The heart situation is about the same. My entire chest wall aches all the time. It hurts to breathe sometimes. This evening I had to drive to the park. Walking back to the car I had to stop and rest. Bah. This is a drag. Last year I was running, biking, playing soccer, and outside everyday with the kids. This year I can't make it to the car. Results soon I hope.
In other news. I am thinking about getting another cat. Since I have no interest being in a relationship I am again considering becoming a single crazy cat lady. I just have one cat now but I need to get on this dream if it is to become a reality.

2006-08-10T23:42:00.000-07:00

My results have come in for my heart rate monitor testing. The specialist has reviewed the results. I called the specialist today and was told that the results could not be given over the phone. I expected and appreciate that. What I don't understand is why for the love of all that is good and true is it is going to take 6 days for the results to get to my doctor? It is across the street! There is even a button to press to ensure you make it safely to the other side. OK, I can also appreciate that they can't just be carried across the street all willy-nilly harum scarum. This is valuable and confidential information. God forbid a big wind come up and they blow away. I understand that a courier company has to pick up this important paperwork. But why, why, why is it going to take 6 days? Is it just me or is something not quite right here?
(There is a copyright on that nifty artwork of the intersection that I laboured over so don't get any funny ideas!)

2006-08-04T07:33:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone. I am going to take a blogging break for a while. I have no idea what is going on with my heart but it is leaving me very tired and with little energy. I am also finding this whole thing very emotional so I need some time away. (I will still be by to visit all my blogging friends)

2006-08-03T19:57:00.000-07:00

I am hooked up to the heart rate monitor today. I don't notice it most of the time but I am not sure how I am going to sleep tonight. The sticky tabs are itchy! It is going to take a week to get the results back. All the health care professionals tell me that whatever is wrong can be fixed. In my opinion that says there is going to be a knife involved. Usually when there is something wrong the word medication comes up, not "fixed". I will try not to borrow trouble but I must admit I am thinking about it. (My kids are watching The Wizard of Oz right now and I feel like the Cowardly Lion! I'm afraid there's no denying, I'm just a dandelion..."

2006-07-27T17:53:00.000-07:00

Last night my heart was racing again. It was frightening! Today I went back to my doctor who set my fears to rest. Whatever I have is not imminently serious. I am not going to have a heart attack or a stroke but it sure feels like it. He said it is likely tachycardia ventricular-some-name-I-cannot-remember. Worst case scenario I will have to go on heart medication which really sucks considering I don't smoke, drink, do drugs, drink coffee or do anything fun! I eat fairly well and exercise. However, heart medication is better than being tits-up.

2006-07-25T20:41:00.000-07:00

The last several months I have been having a heart arrhythmia and tachycardia. Other than the odd, "Hmmm that's odd" I have not thought much about it. This last week it has been happening a little more and last night it was quite bad. I went to see my doctor today on my lunch break who ordered a immediate ECG. He also ordered a 24 hour heart rate monitor for next week. My normal resting heart rate is at between 90 -110. That is high! I haven't received the results of the ECG but I am guessing it is normal ot I would have heard back. I realize a resting heart rate can vary according to ones fitness level but I am not that out of shape. He feels the problem may be electrical. Tonight I am going to take a rest from exercising and will talk to him tomorrow about what he suggests until I get the results back from the heart rate monitor.

2006-07-22T22:51:00.000-07:00

Just a note to all men. Don't wear Speedo's. We as women don't like it. (Yes, I am speaking for every woman on the face of the earth!) We think it is disgusting. You look like weirdo when you wear one! We are in no way attracted to you when you wear a Speedo. On the contrary. It freaks us out. Do I make myself clear? Good. Then I shall be safe from your image for now and evermore when I go to the pool! Thank you!

2006-07-16T17:13:00.000-07:00

Remember when I posted about letting my son keep some frogs that he found? It didn't turn out too well. Norbert (That Cat) took a strong interest in watching the crickets that were given to the frogs . He knocked the entire aquarium off the counter and the frogs and crickets are now nowhere to be seen. So that means somewhere in my house are 2 frogs and 10 crickets. Unless That Cat ate them.