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Tuesday, May 04, 2004

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I think I have P.M.S. I cried today because Girl-N told me she didn't know why her pants were rolled up. How stupid is that? She said she didn't remember why her pants were rolled up in this really snotty voice and she hurt my feelings. She didn't see me crying. I cried when I got home so I didn't make a total fool of myself. The real issue here? I know she wants to go live with her dad. Who wouldn't want to live in a place where bedtime is 11:00 on a school night and you get doughnuts for breakfast? Who wouldn't want to live in a place where the X-Box is played from the time they get home until bedtime? Who wouldn't want to live in a home where there are no rules and you can be mouthy as you want? Since we separated alomost 2 years ago Boy-W has never had a bath while at his dad's! They don't brush their teeth when they are there!!

I am tired of being the "bad" parent! I am the one that puts them to bed at 8:00 and makes them eat vegetables. I have very clear boundaries around what is allowed and not allowed. I don't even own an X-Box! I am frustrated that he is the hero while I am seen as a drag. It makes me realize even more why I left him. He was so irresponsible when we were married and still is. He can't co-ordinate breathing and taking a piss. It is partly my fault because I had delusions about what married life should be like when we first got married. I felt it was my job as a wife to take care of him. June Cleaver ya know? I made his meals and did his laundry and picked up after him. That sucks period but it sucked even more that I was working 50 hours a week and he was unemployed. I would get home at 6:30 from work and he would still be in his fucking PJ's on the computer! Of course it was "Hi dear! I will start you dinner right away". Well live and learn. I was wrong in a huge way.

So he is still Mr. Irresponsible and I am still getting the shitty end of the stick.


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