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Monday, May 17, 2004

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Why is it the more I fall in love with n the more afraid become? I have always been so independent. I have always done everything on my own. I can do oil changes on my car and do the brakes. I have my own home and support myself and my children. I am doing very well on my own and I love it. Why am I afraid? Because I am growing more emotionally dependent on him. I am starting to see that I don't need to handle it all on my own. When I was married there was no emotional support at all from my ex. Because of this I just coped on my own. When Girl-N was diagnosed with Neurofibromatosis and needed physio/occupational/speech therapy I was the one that sat through every doctor's appointment. I was the one that went to the specialist appointments and learned about this disease. When my (other) grandmother died I worked through it on my own. All the difficult times I got through on my own strength. I know now that I can do the tough times. I guess I just don't want to do them alone anymore. The fact is I always wanted the support but I have become stubborn and push vin away at times. Though, as each day passes the front I hold up collapses a little more. I know I need him. I know now that I can do it alone, I just don't want to anymore. It is too lonely. So why am I scared?


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