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Friday, June 18, 2004

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I have always been an emotional person. Yes, I cried during the AT&T commercials but I think maybe I am too emotional. Yesterday when I went to pick up the kids from school I saw all the empty cubbies in my daughter's kindergarten class and I started crying. This is it. No more little girl who is with me more often than not. After the summer a new women will have her everyday. Her teacher. Gone are the days of picnics in the middle of the living room while her brother is at school. Gone are the "girlfriend" activities we do. This may sound ridiculous but my kids are my best friends. I feel like my best friend has decided to go be a part of a different crowd now. She has grown up so fast and I feel like I don't remember much of it. Sometimes I have dreams that one day I wake up and my kids are grown and I didn't get to see any of it. I don't know...I really can't explain this heaviness in my heart. Maybe the parents reading my blog can understand. It just happens way too fast doesn't it?

That said I know my kids still need me. At night before bed my daughter still hugs my neck and says she is never going to let go. My son still doesn't mind holding my hand in the schoolyard. They still want to sleep with me and would still rather hang out with me than with their friends.

I guess it comes down to the love I have for them. I thought I knew what love was and then I had my children. My capacity to love grew beyond measure. I am so afraid of losing them and that love being there but they are not.

I suppose crying when I see the empty cubbies is not a bad thing. This love I feel is so precious. It, along with my children is a gift that I never want to lose. So now I will go lie down with my daughter. I will watch her sleep before I have to wake her on this last day of an era.

1 Comments:

Blogger Katie said...

You have no idea how many times I've held Kelly and prayed, "Please stay this way for me forever." I'm not a huge fan of change either (I fight it kicking and screaming most of the time). Although the future will be different, it will still be good. Maybe even better. At least that's what I try to tell myself...

((hugs))

1:46 PM  

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