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Friday, January 21, 2005

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Bypass reading this post. It is just a one long whine session.

I think this is the longest of run rotten days I have had in a long time. My cat is very sick and the vet doesn't know what is wrong. I don't have the money for tests. She will not eat or drink so I have to force warm kitty mash down her throat every hour so I am not sleeping. My car is broken. The transmission is gone and I have no money to get it fixed. My ex is not paying child support. Everyone is on me about this which doesn't help. They say I should not let him see the kids if he won't pay. I can't do this. This is only hurting the kids. They love their dad.
My place is a mess. I have no energy for housework. Work sucks and I am tired of having Friday and Sunday's off. I want two days off in a row!! I have been doing this crappy shift for 7 months now and I keep getting promised that I will get two off together soon but it never happens.
I get called every single day about my student loan. I owe $14, 000. I can't afford to pay them either. The list goes on. Everything is shitty right now. I have eliminated everything from my life in order to just make ends meet. The only "extra" I have is the internet.
I am sitting here with tears streaming down my face hoping the kids don't see me. I feel like I am on the edge of a breakdown but I can't do that. I have a mortgage and bills to pay.
I am tired.

3 Comments:

Blogger ddddddddddddddddddddd said...

Barbara. My heart is breaking for you. I am sending you a HUGE hug. You know for the last three weeks, that is all I have wanted. ONE BIG HUG ! But you need it way more than me. I thought the tranny was gone, but it was just the cruise control stuck. I feel so bad for complaining about my unproductive day. I'll tell you though, you are right about the Dad thing. If they love him that much, keeping them from seeing him is only going to rebound on you. I will say a special prayer just for you and The Queen's daughter tonight. Know this too. There are people who care. Here comes your hug, catch. . .
Love,
Joe Cool

7:17 PM  
Blogger thequeen said...

I sooo understand exactly what you are going through.My exes do not pay child support either,my oldest NEVER sees her dad and that is his choice not ours,the dad she was raised with and the Father of the younger two sees the kids as often as he can I would never dream of keeping them away from eachother.I am flat ass broke,waiting for L&I to come through again,no job, and bills collecting and threating to turn things off,I am about ready to lose my car insurance and have already lost my cell phone.I have less then a quarter tank of gas and have a zillion places to go to try to get things done,I finally got around to housework today after toooooo long putting it off.I cannot sleep at night and have HUGE rings under my eyes and I am crying.I totally know where you are coming from on the ready to have a breakdown thing.
I am so close it is scaring me.I will be praying for you and I send you a tearful hug...

10:56 PM  
Blogger wanda said...

Sweetie I'm right there with you! Broke and disgusted. I wrote a check at the grocery store today that I know the bank will overdraw my account to cover then charge me thirty bucks for covering it. But hey you gotta eat. It seems like we have more and more bills every month.
I don't have small kids anymore but I do have a precious grandson who's father refuses to support him or even see him. Which breaks my heart. Especially knowing his father is MY son! I don't know where I went wrong with that boy. He's an adult, won't keep a job, drinks and parties with people who don't give a damn about him, his child or his family. I have Zach every other weekend and every time he's here he ask me if I will call his Dad for him. We both know it will do no good but we do it anyway.
My daughter who's currently living at home AGAIN, is sick and needed to go to the emergency room today. She has no job and no insurance and I could only get half her perscription filled.
When I say "I know how you feel", you can bet I do.
I'm sending you a big hug too. Don't know how much that will help, but hey if trouble loves company, then we're in great company!
Wanda ( Just Breathe )

3:07 AM  

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