I guess I have PMS because my bad mood continued today. This morning work was so crappy. I was almost in tears at one point but managed to pull it together.
Crying at work = Not a good thing.
After lunch the day improved somewhat. Blah.Blah.Blah.
Last night was difficult too. I was reading a story where the grandfather died and I started missing my Nana and then I started crying. I miss my Nana so much. It has been 8 months since she died and I have not got to that place of having happy memories yet. They are still just deep longing to see her and get a hug from her. A longing to sit with her and talk about anything that comes to mind. I guess I haven't really accepted that she is gone yet. I know she is dead but it is as if I can call her she will pick up the phone. As my blog says, sane people don't think this way.
One thing I am learning is that when I have day's such as this I need not fight it. We are always told to keep our chin up, don't worry be happy and things could be worse. Then I start feeling bad about having a bad day! I then try to be happy but inside I feel sad. I am learning that we don't always have to feel better. We all have bad days and they are just that. Bad days. It is ok to feel sad. It is ok to feel lousy. It is ok to want to crawl back to bed. I have found that since I have come to this realization and just be where I am at and not try to fight it I am more content. No, the bad day does not go away but the guilt does.
That is all. I need to go make supper. Stew. Boring stew.
Crying at work = Not a good thing.
After lunch the day improved somewhat. Blah.Blah.Blah.
Last night was difficult too. I was reading a story where the grandfather died and I started missing my Nana and then I started crying. I miss my Nana so much. It has been 8 months since she died and I have not got to that place of having happy memories yet. They are still just deep longing to see her and get a hug from her. A longing to sit with her and talk about anything that comes to mind. I guess I haven't really accepted that she is gone yet. I know she is dead but it is as if I can call her she will pick up the phone. As my blog says, sane people don't think this way.
One thing I am learning is that when I have day's such as this I need not fight it. We are always told to keep our chin up, don't worry be happy and things could be worse. Then I start feeling bad about having a bad day! I then try to be happy but inside I feel sad. I am learning that we don't always have to feel better. We all have bad days and they are just that. Bad days. It is ok to feel sad. It is ok to feel lousy. It is ok to want to crawl back to bed. I have found that since I have come to this realization and just be where I am at and not try to fight it I am more content. No, the bad day does not go away but the guilt does.
That is all. I need to go make supper. Stew. Boring stew.
posted by BarbaraMG at Tuesday, January 18, 2005
1 Comments:
The loss of a loved one affects all people for a different amount of time and you never totally get over it. I still miss my grandparents and they have been gone for decades.
Keep the good memories in your fore thoughts.
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