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Monday, January 24, 2005

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I think this is one of the more personal posts I have written. Personal in the fact that I am writing a letter to a cat. In my sane thoughts it seems silly and illogical. In my heart I needed to do this.
I brought Harriet home because I was diagnosed with Post Partum Depression, hence Harriet's real name; Harriet the Post Partum Depression Recovery Cat. My daughter had just been diagnosed with a genetic disease and I needed something that had nothing to do with sickness and fear. I woke up the night before I got her and knew I needed a cat. This may not sound like much but I have never been a cat person. I had never even owned a cat! Something told me to go and get a cat. (Sheesh, even as I read this over I think I am nuts) Anyway, I brought Harriet home because we needed each other. Here is my letter to her over at www.petloss.com

Harriet

When I got you as a young cat of 6 months old I knew fate brought us together. You were meant to be my cat and I was meant to be your human.
I woke up the night before I got you and knew I had to get a calico cat. When I walked into the SPCA you stood up and meowed at me. I picked you up; you put your head on my shoulder and started to purr. I walked out with you in my arms; I didn't even look at any other cats. We were supposed to be together. I am sure of this, as I am sure my kids were meant to be mine.
I brought you home and you were so sick but you were pure love from the start. I never knew a cat that would be so gentle, loving and patient. All you did was give love. You never minded a crazy 4-year-old boy chasing you around the house or a 3-year-old girl that carted you around, your legs dangling. You taught us all about creatures that are smaller than us. You taught us about unconditional love. You taught us how top be gentle and caring.
I am going to miss you so much Harriet. It is quiet around here without your big 'ol bell ding-a-linging away. I want so bad to go into my bedroom and see you waiting for me near my pillow. You would come under the blankets and purr you beautiful purr while I fall asleep.
I don't know why your life here on earth had to be so short. I never considered for a moment that you wouldn't be here for at least 15 years. You were only 6. It doesn't seem fair that you are gone. We need you.
If you get lonely for us know that we are thinking of you. Nana is in heaven and she will take care of you. Please tell her I miss her. The kids do too.
Harriet I am sorry I couldn't spend the money to make you well again. I just didn't have it. I feel very guilty. I don't want you to be mad at me or think it was because I didn't want you. I am angry with the vet because it seems they are just out to make money. Anyway, I love you and hope you can understand why I chose what I had to do. I knew you were in a lot of pain too and I didn't want you to go through all those awful tests. Harriet you were my first pet that I loved so intensely and deeply. You were a wonderful cat. I love you. Rest well my beautiful calico girl.



9 Comments:

Blogger ddddddddddddddddddddd said...

Barbara,
That was beautiful. My kitty is just like that. I am going to go home and give her a hug for you and Harriet. I have to go dry my eyes, can't be crying at work.
Love,
Joe

7:38 AM  
Blogger wanda said...

Barb, that's so sad. Try to remember that at least here last few months on earth were spent with people who loved her and cared for her. You gave her so much.
I know what you mean about vets. I would recount for you the story of our poor dog that got sick back a few years ago. He died a painful death because we were so broke we couldn't afford medicine for him. I can remember watching my daughter as she sat and held him while he was dying. It was pure agony for all of us. I know how you feel.
I would like to add you to my blogroll, would you mind?
Wanda ( Just Breathe...)

10:55 AM  
Blogger thequeen said...

Oh that was the most beautiful letter barbara!I can feel your grief as if you sent it through the cyber waves, it is pallpable like this keyboard I am dripping tears onto.I have lost enough beloved pets to know exactly what you are going through.I am going to go hug them all, even the damn fish..I send you a hug too, know that there are folks out here sharing your grief with you.And Harriet does not blame you for your choice, she is happy in Nannas and Gods arms and sending you puurrsss in your dreams...Tread softly on yourself, you did what you had to do.much love to you<3

2:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wanted to send you a card but I can't find your email address.
please email me mskajunkitty@yahoo.com

thequeen

2:38 PM  
Blogger ddddddddddddddddddddd said...

Barbara,

here is the ticket. .. 012520354014760
You know what to do with this.
Love
joe
:(

5:42 PM  
Blogger David said...

There is nothing insane about your post or your letter. Our pets become almost as important to us as our children. They become members of our family. I am sorry for your loss.

12:08 AM  
Blogger KT said...

That was such a beautiful, loving tribute. Well done.

Glad you liked the 'dove' story. I know it may seem silly, and like a pure coincidence - which it may have been. But I thought it might help to share it, so you'll know to keep an eye out for the 'signs' from your wee one. :)

ktspot.blogspot.com

7:43 AM  
Blogger Blessed75 said...

Oh hon, I'm so sorry for your lost. I've been there before myself. My animals are my children and losing them is tough. What a beautiful letter. I even teared up and could really relate. Hugs and many good thoughts, Nikki

8:07 AM  
Blogger Me said...

I'm sitting here, just clicked and was checking it out, about to go to bed, and now I'm bawling and emotionally spent. When I got my cats (they are 5 and 4) I thought, "they are going to die in 15 years and I'm going to be in pain." And that was almost unfathomable. But to lose one of them after 6 years would be inconceivable to me. That was so touching.

9:18 PM  

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