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Monday, February 21, 2005

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E mail to My Mom
"My daughter, my precious child,I love you and I would never leave you.During your times of trial and suffering,when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you"
Mom
I know right now you are angry with God. He knows and understands! You ask how is God carrying you? You are being carried in the arms of each of your family members that love you. You have taught us all about love and support. We now in turn offer it back to you. You are being carried in the arms of your friends. Friends from as far back as you can remember. Friends too that love you dearly. You have always been a wonderful and giving friend. It is reap what you have sown.
Mom
You are strong. You are the one who taught me that! Your faith waivers for a time but I know you will rise above this! You will! You have always been my strength, my light, my courage and my best friend. I will be here for you. Now is the time to be carried...

Love with every ounce of love I have in me,
Barbara


I am tired of being the one to tell everyone. I can't be the strong one in this. Everyone tells me I have to be strong for my mom but I feel like when I was a little girl and I got lost in Sears and couldn't find her. Only a million times worse. I need her. I can't lose her. If she dies most of me will die. I know I will eventully have to lose my mom but I thought it would be when my kids are grown up and they could remember her. This is not fair!! I hate this! She is so scared and I don't know how to help her. How can I be her strength when she has always been my stregthth? How can I be her encourager when she has always been mine?

8 Comments:

Blogger wanda said...

It's time like this I feel so helpless. I don't know what to say to make you feel better. You have such a heavy burden to bear. Your example of being a lost child just breaks my heart. Your Mother must be a wonderful person to have a daughter who loves and needs her so much. I can tell you this much, being a mother myself, I know how much it must mean to her to have you to lean on. She has taught you well. I think doing just what you are doing is more help to her than you probably realize.

9:26 PM  
Blogger ellen said...

Hi Barbara, I found you via Wanda. I'm very sorry to learn of your mother's cancer. I think that, in so many ways, it's more difficult to be a caregiver than a survivor. Your burden is very heavy right now; if you would like to communicate online with people who truly understand, I invite you to visit this website: http://groups.msn.com/cancersurivorsonlinenow/generalbd.msnw

Here you will find information and support with a very active message board and live chat every evening. (My screen name there is puppycakes9.)

You don't have to do this alone. God bless.

5:45 AM  
Blogger deni said...

How well I know what you are going through, I was only 24 when I lost my mom, I still feel the empty place she left. But keep hope, and no, you don't always have to be strong, you are allowed to be weak and to cry. Sometimes, our tears can make us stronger.

5:59 AM  
Blogger ddddddddddddddddddddd said...

I don't have much to offer other than prayers and online hugs. My Dad was diagnosed with Parkinson's about 7 years ago, then a year after that with bowel cancer. Because of the Parkinson's they couldn't operate so they gave him hormone therapy and radiation only. It has been gone now for 5 years. There is always hope. Keep praying. Love, Joe

8:41 AM  
Blogger Leslie said...

I'm so very sorry to know you're in such pain and feeling as you are. I wish I could offer something helpful, something useful but I'm afraid it's only support, friendship, and as many hugs as you need.

9:35 AM  
Blogger Bumbling Bav said...

I just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you!

Andrea

2:39 PM  
Blogger Phyllis said...

Your letter to your mom made me cry! I gave my mom the prayer of freedom before she died, and I wrote my father a love letter a year before he died. It is so very important to tell people what you want them to know....now!
Keep letting her know you are there and Jesus is on the other side of her holding her hand. He is, you know! And he is also holding your hand!

6:37 PM  
Blogger thequeen said...

You have been doing it, you did it with that email.You are strong and it is showing.Love and God who is love will be your guide.When you are week God and your friends will carry you,( stretching out arms)
You are loved and supported.:)

2:13 AM  

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