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Thursday, February 24, 2005

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My mom was back in bed yesterday crying most of the day. I called 2 or 3 times from work and each time she was crying. I stopped by for a short visit yesterday. I wish we could just get the results to all the testing. This not knowing is agony.

Now I need to think of something non-cancer related. I got a new charm for my bracelet. (If you haven't heard about the new charm bracelets go here.) It is a pink butterfly. When my Nana died last May (*whispers* from cancer) I saw a huge Monarch Butterfly while coming into my house after the funeral. I came inside and as friend had e mailed me that every time I see a butterfly I will think of her. (She did not know I saw a the butterfly) How GOD like is that?! I took it as a clear sign of Nana saying "Hi BB!" The name she called me that I have only ever revealed to Girl-N who laughed and laughed when I told her. Anyway, it gave me a tremendous amount of peace. I now have a butterfly mobile in my bedroom where I think about my Nana every night. I tell her I miss her still a lot. I talk with her sometimes too. No...She doesn't answer; not audibly but I hear her loud and clear in my heart. So, added to my charm collection is a wee pink butterfly so I can think of her at work or wherever I am.

PS-I am typing this without my glasses on, in the dark with a cat on in front of the keyboard so I hope this makes sense!


Blogger deni said...

The not knowing is the worst part. I hope that you get the answers you need soon.

I feel really bad for your mom, I hope everything turns out ok.

5:15 a.m.  
Blogger David said...

Barbara - I may be stepping on toes but I have to ask - Why is your Mom stuck in her bed? Is it physical or mental? That cannot be good. She must have a positive approach to fight this disease. If she is physically able, do everything you can to get her out of bed.

My heart goes out to your whole family.

7:58 a.m.  
Blogger Keri said...

Barbara, I'm so sorry to hear that your mom is having such a tough time.

What a beautiful story about your Nana and the butterfly. I think it was clearly a sign of her telling you hello! May I add her to my inspirations list, too? :)

8:43 a.m.  
Blogger Leslie said...

Butterflies...what a beautiful way to remember someone you love. An old blog pal told a similar story about dragonflies once, so they serve as the same kind of reminder to me as butterflies do for you.

And funny you should mention the bracelet -- I picked up four charms for my sister last night to add to hers as a birthday gift. They were on sale, so I was able to get all four of them.

One was a dragonfly.

9:19 a.m.  
Blogger wanda said...

Oh my goodness, I haven't had a charm bracelet in ages. Like back durning the teenages! I remember how much I loved mine back then. I don't even remember what happened to it.
That is a lovely story about your Nana. How wonderful that you keep the mobile in your room and think of her every night.
I'm sorry your Mom is having to go through this. I don't think there is such a thing as having an easy time in these situations. How can one not worry about something so serious. It is normal that she's crying. Even a good thing. At least she's not keeping it all bottled up inside. How much longer does she have to wait for the results?

9:36 a.m.  
Blogger ddddddddddddddddddddd said...

My mom told me about the butterflies as something to tell my kids for when the divorce is final. It was given to her by her Dad, my Grampa Joe. He worked such long hours, he told her that ever time she saw a white butterfly that it was him thinking of her and then gave her a butterfly kiss. (eyelashes fluttering on your cheek). She said the white ones because white is purity the same as the love of a parent for their child. I told the kids any butterfly, because the white ones are actually moths and aren't out that often during the day. Hugs to you, love, Joe

10:25 a.m.  
Blogger Kris said...

Hi Barbara. I just wanted to say hello. I love your butterfly story. :) Best wishes for you and your family in this trying time. Sending out good thoughts for your mom,

3:28 p.m.  
Blogger thequeen said...

I know all about butterflys. I hope your mom can get out of bed soon, ups and downs are to be expected at a time like this. I am also curious as to how long it will take for results to be known.
Please keep us informed.
Sending positive energy and love your way.:)

4:54 p.m.  
Blogger pinksundrops said...

I love my bracelet like that. I've been slowly filling it up for a few years. Hubby put quite a few in my stocking for Christmas this year.

Many prayers that the results come back with good news.

12:30 a.m.  
Blogger Gale said...

I'm so sorry to hear this ... I haven't been by for a while and was worrying all this time about Angus. (((HUGS))) to you and yours.

I love the butterfly story, and was especially happy to read at the end that Angus was in front of the keyboard as you typed this.

Sending all good wishes from our house to yours.

11:15 a.m.  

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