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Friday, February 18, 2005

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A night of terrible dreams. Dreams of losing someone close to you. I have woken up to the realization of serious this is. This is not a small tumour. It is about 8 inches long and 2 inches wide. My physical heart is aching but it is nothing compared to the ache in my soul. Why her? She has never said a mean word to anyone. She is the type of person that stops and talks to old people because she know they are lonely. Everything good that is in me is because of her. She just retired a few months ago. This is supposed to be the best time of her life. I am asking God why but I know there are no answers. I don't want my mom to go through this. I don't want her to lose her hair and lose weight from the treatment. I don't want to watch her die. I love her too much. I need her still!!!!!! I want my kids to know her not just remember this vague picture of a Nana that loved them more than they will ever know. This can't be real. Maybe I will wake up from this nightmare.


Blogger wanda said...

Sane people DO think this way. Everything you'd said has been said and questioned by those afflicted with a serious disease or ailment. Or by their loved ones. I don't know that there is a comforting, realistic answer. Only God knows why.
I can only offer you my promise of prayers and to be here when you need to vent. Hopefully the knowledge that there are so many who care will give you some small comfort.

9:56 a.m.  
Blogger Bumbling Bav said...

I am with Wanda!

Can I send a box of chocolate and a box of klenex with a big hug?


10:05 a.m.  
Blogger ddddddddddddddddddddd said...

I'm with Wanda. But prayer does help. Busy Mom is going through this with her mom and the prayers coming in for her is amazing. God has reasons for everything, we cannot expect to understand, but we can ask for his love and guidance in this time of fear and grief. He (as all of us) is there for you. Prayers and love to you and your mom.

10:26 a.m.  
Blogger deni said...

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this. My mother lost her battle with cancer in 1988, but the medical field has really made a lot of tremendous advances since then. Also, if it's on her ovary, they can probably get all of it. I will pray that she has a full recovery.

Don't give up hope, sweetie.

12:19 p.m.  
Blogger Crazy Single Mom said...

My heart goes out to you and your mom, as do my prayers.

6:15 p.m.  
Blogger Busy Mom said...

It's going to be OK. Just take one thing at a time. I can relate to all the thoughts going through your head, they're all OK to have, don't worry about it. I don't think anyone can answer why. Your mom will go to the doctor and they'll make a plan. Things look up when there's a plan and you feel like you are doing something about it. E-mail me.

9:07 p.m.  
Blogger Kym said...

I had a grapefruit tumor on my ovary and and elevated CA125 test. My tumor was not cancerous. I wish the same for your mom.

Has she gotten her CA125 back? What was the number?

You guys will be in my prayers.

9:36 p.m.  
Blogger Christine said...

Busy Mom sent me over. I'm so very sorry for all that has fallen into your life all at once.

Busy Mom is right. It's going to be okay. Once there is a plan you will take it one step at a time, and you'll get through this. I will keep your mom in my thoughts and prayers. Lots of people beat cancer. I will continue to pray that your mom is one of them. Hang in there!

9:39 p.m.  
Blogger pinksundrops said...

Oh my gosh. I am so sorry. I can't imagine the pain you are dealing with right now. You have amazing support here, I hope you can draw from it. Busy Mom sent me over.

9:45 p.m.  
Blogger Paul Chenoweth said...

Busy Mom mentioned that you were having a tough time...BTDT with parents and am more than willing to include you in prayer.

Grace & peace,

4:40 a.m.  

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