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Friday, March 04, 2005

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I am feeling awful today. I have been coping so well. I don't know the reason for this sudden change. I am crying and feel so helpless against any of this. The only prayer that goes around and around in my head is "God please don't take her".

A number of you asked if I could ask someone for help. My sister lives out of town. My brother, though I love him dearly is not at all helpful. He lives about a block away from my parents. He called me when I was at my mom and dad's last week. I had worked all day and stopped by to do some cleaning. Before he got off the phone he said that he was tired and needed to go sleep but thanks for cleaning. He is 37, single and does not have any kids. He knew I still had about an hour of work to do and then go home and make supper and do homework with the kids. He is just selfish I guess. I don't even like writing this because I feel like I am being whiny. I am just letting you know that, no I do not have anyone to help.

Today everything feels so hopeless. My eyes are so puffy from crying and I am fearful. I just want to go back to bed but I have so many things I need to do here. My place is a mess. Laundry falling out of the hamper. Dishes from Tuesday in the sink. Ironically...I want my mom!

8 Comments:

Blogger David said...

Unfortunately I went through the same thing with both of my parents - a brother who lived 15 miles from them and I took care of them when I was 200 miles away. It can wear on you until you want to cry. Of course women can do just that and it is good relief for you to do so. Rest as you can.
David (txoceanlover)

11:27 AM  
Blogger wanda said...

I was here earlier and couldn't get blogger to let me post a comment.
I love those flowers up top.
In every family there's that one child who stands out as strong and reliable. He or she is everybody's rock to lean on. In your family that must be you. Have you come right out and ask your brother to pitch in an help? Maybe he thinks (because you appear to have it all under control,) you don't need his help. Don't let this build up into a big thing. If he doesn't volunteer, come right out and ask him for his help. Mind you don't just say "I need your help", be specific. Ask him to run errands, or vacuum, or wash dishes. Men don't know what you want unless you spell it out for them. Well, most men don't.
It's important that you allow yourself some down time. Even if some things have to go undone. Don't get so caught up in caring for others that you forget to take care of YOU!

12:54 PM  
Blogger ddddddddddddddddddddd said...

I agree with Wanda, do NOT let it get under your skin. You need to ASK him and then explain to him how it is making you feel. We men are not always so sensitive and really do need things spelled out for us. If he still doesn't see the need to help, perhaps he has his own issues to deal with over this. Get some rest, take some time out for you once in a while. It really sounds like you need a break.

1:01 PM  
Blogger thequeen said...

I want to echo what wanda has said.
Ask him right out, don't just let him think you have it under control. let him know you are weak to.You don't have to carry this burden by yourself. You are a person not a camel.Even camels will lay down in the middle of a caravan and refuse to get up until they have rested. Its called self preservation. Get some outside help if you need it and get some online support. There are online support groups with people that are going through exactly the same thing right now. Get some rest and worry about tuesdays dishes later.
Much love and prayers for you.:)

1:03 PM  
Blogger Gale said...

I agree with everyone (which is so unusual for me) ha ha ha. Just kidding.

Anyway, the only thing I would change with how you get your brother to help is to tell him, not ask him. Just call him up and say, (for example):

YOU: Tomorrow I have to drop mom off at the doctor, so I'll just swing by your place and drop you at theirs so you can take care of some of their laundry. Is 10am (or whatever) okay?

It may be a bit pushy, but hey, it's not like he's a stranger or your boss or something. Right? Good luck!

2:24 PM  
Blogger deni said...

It's overwhelming to have that much responsibility. Take a break, even a 15 minute breather. Take a short walk, or something.

I agree with the others, tell your brother you need help.

Also, make a mental list of priorities, just do the things that absolutely need to be done today.

4:34 PM  
Blogger Bumbling Bav said...

How about picking up paper plates and plastic cups? (less cleaning)

And do try and get some rest. Can I send you tissue?

Andrea

6:44 PM  
Blogger Leslie said...

I wish I could come over and look after all the things at your place that need doing to give you time to focus on what you need to do. You sound so overwhelmed and at your wit's end. I think there's been some good advice left behind here -- I hope it helps you. Such a rough time you're going through. :(

7:18 PM  

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