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Sunday, March 06, 2005

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I got a Costco membership today. It was paid for by my place of business. I seriously wonder how people come out of there with money still in their bank account. Who doesn't need a 250 piece screwdriver set? Or Tylenol in a box of 5,000? Who could pass up 2,000 paper plates? Sheesh! All I got was stuff that I actually use everyday like a drum of mayo that had to be rolled out to my car. I also picked up a case of pudding that needed to held down with a bungee cord to the roof. Honestly, I don't remember what I got. I just remember seeing great prices and knowing there was no way in the world I could pass up on Oregano in a barrel for $6.49!

I steered through the isles that are 30 feet wide but you still can't get your buggy through.
I waited behind people mesmerized by the lady cooking sausages on a stick. As she put them out the entire store converged on her. I would have slapped their greedy hands with my spatula!

Oh the cashier was a pleasant man. Ha! The Costco Nazi is more like it! He frowned when I did not have the coupon ripped out of the coupon book as he rung through facial cleanser that I will be using until I am 85. He "reminded me for next time" that they only accept one coupon per household for all items in the coupon book. I could tell I had pushed his patience to the limit when I slid my bankcard through the interact machine backwards.

As I headed for the door with my cart overflowing I snapped at my boyfriend and kids to hurry up before I freaked out. I thought I was home free! A man with a grim look stopped me. I felt like confessing something but I didn't know what. He looked at my cart and me. He eyed it suspiciously as he ripped the receipt from my 100 pack of facecloths. He waved us on but I think he suspected I had a wide screen TV hidden in my purse. I walk out. Freedom! Not so fast you Costco virgin! You have to load all this shit in your car now. No bags! I load it all into my car. My kids jump and grab the Goldfish and break the bag open in the parking lot. I say through gritted teeth "GET....IN...THE...CAR" They knew by the steely tone that they should do as bidden. Driving away I can hear 45 cans of chilli rolling around in the trunk. I am happy to be home. Am I going back next again? Hell ya!

PS-My Mom came home today! She is very tired and just wanted to go to bed so I will go see her tomorrow. Yay!

18 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh my god too funny but oh so true. I do the same thing at Sams club when I have booku bucks to spend on stuff I always use like 8- rolls of toilet paper for just $15!

Kat

7:11 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

that should have said 80 but I missed the 0 and hit the -...lol

7:11 p.m.  
Blogger Carmi said...

You have completely hit the Costco nail on the head: I could almost see myself doing the same thing - and indeed, I HAVE done precisely as you just described, more times than I can count.

For these reasons, Costco is the most dangerous shopping environment known to humankind. My wife lets me go only with a well-defined list. Heaven forbid I return home with any speical surprises. I'll be walking them back to the store if I do.

Still, where else can you basically feed the family by bouncing from one sample stand to another? It's a little piece of heaven, I tell ya!

7:43 p.m.  
Blogger Jezzy said...

Yay for your mummy!

Oh and nice to hear you wont be shopping again until 2050.

10:01 p.m.  
Blogger ddddddddddddddddddddd said...

Okay, that is frustrating, been tryin' to post comments (this is the third time here and five times at DL's Time to Tell site) argh....

You're gonna be gettin' a call from Costco asking you to remove your post before their nefarious scheme is exposed. LOL

But seriously where else can you have lunch, dessert, drinks free of charge, just for emptying your wallet?

Glad Mom is home, now some rest and soon back on her feet. Keep smiling. (hugs)

8:48 a.m.  
Blogger David said...

The key to those kinds of places is to go for a special item and to watch for real bargains. Not all things in there are good deals just because of quantities.

I HATE that being checked at the door after just paying for my stuff. It is insulting and I have told them so. made me feel good but did no good at all.

11:36 a.m.  
Blogger Peaches said...

omg - I am DYIN' with laughter over here - the first time I went to Sam's Club I went through a similiar experience. Lol.......

On a side note, I'm relieved that your mom is home. I've still got you and yours in my thoughts and prayers -

Hugs, Nikki

11:57 a.m.  
Blogger Bumbling Bav said...

Yahoo for Mom coming home!

As for the "C" word.... lol, I have now made myself a limit. $100 each time (and only once a month) because this girl gets in there with her husband and we go hog wild! Ya it is not perdy at all!

Andrea

2:41 p.m.  
Blogger Gale said...

I've only been to Costco a few times, but I can totally relate! The "Costco Nazi" ... HAHAHA!

It amuses the heck out of me when I see the industrial size of Salsa and Cheez Whiz my dad always brings home from there. For just him and my mom. I figure they're (not so secretly) strung out on Nachos. ROFL

How awesome that your mom is home and have her laugh go back to some semblance of normalcy. And why was I thinking you were in Vancouver? If you're practically my neighbour, I shoulda been helping you instead of flapping my gums!

5:02 p.m.  
Blogger Gale said...

Darn it! I MEANT life, not LAUGH. oops.

5:03 p.m.  
Blogger Kim said...

My mom isn't allowed to have a Costco membership. My dad won't let her. The woman will buy anything that's on sale or for "a good price" whether she needs it or not.

5:13 p.m.  
Blogger Keri said...

we don't have costco here. There is a Sam's club, but I don't think they are nearly as cool as costco. :)

Glad to hear that mom is home. Thinking of you and prayers still coming!

6:43 p.m.  
Blogger deni said...

We don't have a Costco here, and the nearest Sam's club is nearly an hour from here.

The last time we went to Sam's, my hubby bought dog food, it turned out to be the same price as if we would have bought it here in town. It certainly wasn't worth driving an hour for.

6:57 p.m.  
Blogger Darlene said...

That was totally funny, I will definitely be back. I noticed your name sitting in my comment box and it wasn't until tonight that I realized you were a different Barbara than I usually see at my site on a regular basis. I thought you were 'Being Barbara, Being Mom'

To think I almost missed out on this wonderfully hillarious blog! Well done.

7:13 p.m.  
Blogger Leslie said...

That's so funny -- we were just talking about Costco at dinner tonight. I asked Carl why we hadn't renewed our membership and he informed me he's had one all along (also from his employer). Pitter patter, let's get at 'er! Everyone needs 45 cans of chili and face cream 'til they're 85! :)

I'm so glad to hear your Mom's coming home. Yay!

8:36 p.m.  
Blogger lamberrymer said...

great news about your mom :)

8:42 p.m.  
Blogger Special K said...

Costco is the Devil, but where else can you get a free Saturday brunch and a 5-gallon bucket of pickles? It's a beautiful thing.

9:19 p.m.  
Blogger thequeen said...

Okay I am going to try this one more time. I too love costco, I don't have a card though and I won't get one soon, I would spend WAY to much money there!:) Glad to hear that your mom is home, have a great visit with her and remember what I said about hair!:)

12:20 p.m.  

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