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Wednesday, April 06, 2005

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I am so sore today it hurts to even move my computer mouse. If I sit very still I am ok but the minute I move my right arm I am in pain again.

I have a question. Why does Angus insist on standing right in front of me while I type? I think I know the reason. Cats are evil and they need to create small problems in our lives. I think Angus feels like he has accomplished some greater plan when he does small things to slow down the natural progress of my day. He likes to stand in the bathroom doorway so I can't shut the door. He places himself on the bathroom vanity when I try to get ready in the morning. He wakes me up early and keeps me awake in middle of the night. The rest of the day he spends sleeping on my favourite places to sit. I have heard stories about your cats and they are similar. We allow them to bite and scratch us for goodness sake! If it was a dog we would have him put to sleep. However, we keep loving the beasts and buying them kitty treats.

Sometimes I think my cat is smarter than I. Think about it. He doesn't have a job but he has never seen the bottom of his food dish. He sleeps all day, stays up most of the night playing and creating havoc. He isn't expected to do a single thing!

I have posted this before but I think it bears repeating.


DAY 752 –My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 761 –Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.

DAY 762 –Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.

DAY 765 –Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm.... Not working according to plan.

DAY 768 –I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid? My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 771 –There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 –I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and may be snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait. It is only a matter of time.................

14 Comments:

Blogger Bumbling Bav said...

I always find days 2 to 4 the worst after a fall!

My answer.... meds.... oh ya any kind that will take the pain AWAY!

2:14 PM  
Blogger thequeen said...

Have you by chance seen a Doc about your arm and shoulder. You could have torn or broken something and may need a sling or cast. Don't wait to long. If it heals wrong the pain will last a life time.
I love the feline view point you wrote. That was too cute and too funny:)

5:40 PM  
Blogger Sleeping Mommy said...

Oh I have a couple of cats like that. And love the cat perspective. I hadn't seen that yet. So totally true (as I listen to my husband telling one of our cats to move and quit putting her cold wet nose on his arm). :)

8:28 PM  
Blogger Jezzy said...

lol! You're funny! They are cunning creatures, cats.

8:50 PM  
Blogger Kim said...

I know my cat's smarter than me. It's something I've come to accept.

9:40 PM  
Blogger deni said...

My kitten insists on being on my lap when I am on the computer, and then she bites my fingers when I try to type. Another is when I try to read, she has to lie right on top of the book.

4:32 AM  
Blogger wanda said...

I'll say it again. Cats have staff. I'm certain they consider themselves duty bound to conduct training excercises daily, sometimes even hourly!
I'm sorry your in pain. Is this the right or left arm?

6:14 AM  
Blogger cursingmama said...

Hope you feel better soon -

6:55 AM  
Blogger Thumb Monkey said...

I'd like to echo thequeen's comment: you really should see a doctor. Really.

7:30 AM  
Blogger David said...

If you are that sore you do need to see a doctor. Just slap the cat out of the way - it works for me.

9:47 AM  
Blogger Serra said...

There's a one-word answer for cats who think it's their turn to use MY computer:

Catnip.

I sprinkle a little on the floor and suddenly I don't have a gray tiger striped monkey trying to play MY pool game.

1:22 PM  
Blogger Gale said...

Kitties get in your way, and lay on the book you're trying to read, and stand between you and the monitor, and on and on and on ... because they want to be adored. And loved. And stroked and petted. Anything preventing that must be blocked from your view. :-)

I absolutely loved the captive kitty thing too. And I would highly recommend a chiropracter. Doctors only give pain meds, chiros heal the problem. Good luck whatever you decide.

2:39 PM  
Blogger Phyllis said...

Ah yes, you are owned by the cat!
I resent mine when I struggle to get out of bed and she isn't ready! She usually weighs 12 pounds, but trying to move her off my bed, I swear she weighs 50#!
Ah but they return such sweet love when they want to!

6:48 PM  
Blogger Vickie said...

That whole cat thingee cracks me totally up. Hehehehe.

My dog likes to lay on me whilst I lay back in the recliner. Sweet? Yes. But does he lay on my lap? No. He wants to position himself on my tummy/chest, so he can stare into my face. Thus, blocking most of the tv screen across the way.

If I try to look around him, he leans into my vision path.

I suppose he thinks he should be the center of my universe at all times.

And he does crack me up....

However, I watch all tv through the Pom hair of his wee person.

What do you mean? All tv personalities are NOT white and fuzzy?

8:35 AM  

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