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Thursday, May 12, 2005

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and I had been talking about possibly working it out but the plot thickens. is going to Vancouver this weekend to see a woman. He says she is just a friend. I do believe him because I know he was friends with her long before we met but that is just the thing. It was before we met. We are a couple and there is no excuse for taking a whole weekend off to go see a person of the opposite s#x. Jealous? No. I just know what is acceptable and not acceptable to me in a relationship and that is not acceptable. I know in today's liberal relationships going out and even having s#x when you are in a committed relationship is ok but I am unable to see this as tolerable. I don't see us working this out at all with this new development. I am not going to give him an ultimatum because I feel in an adult relationship one is not needed. He knows how I feel. If he goes it will be over with no chance of reconciliation. Curious on everyone else's opinion on this issue. Don't tell me what you think I want to hear, tell me what you believe.

14 Comments:

Blogger ddddddddddddddddddddd said...

okay, I am first, so have no other comments to guide me as to what others are thinking, but what I THINK is that if it was a "thing" going on, it would have happened during this last year while you were dating right? and if it is just happening now, maybe it's just to go work things out in his head? I don't know him, but this sounds tough..... so you have to follow your heart.... if you think he's doing the chicken dance with her, then no, no second chances. but if it was just to talk, then I'd say give him a chance
hugs, love and prayers
joe

8:44 PM  
Blogger KT said...

This is just a theory, and obviously I dont have all the details, so take it for what it is.

Is there any chance he had a 'thing' for this so-called 'friend' before you came along that he never quite put in the past? I'm wondering if perhaps she wasn't available back then; he moved on to be with you -- and now that she is available, he wants to go 'test the waters' or something. (Maybe her sudden availability is why he 'all of a sudden' had a problem with you with the kids? That honestly sounded like an excuse to me.) I don't know, but that's what I'd be wondering.

In any case, good luck.

8:58 PM  
Blogger Bumbling Bav said...

Well, I am not a big fan of my husband having friends of the opposite sex. If he needs a female friend he has me, or his family. I have made this clear from day one and it has worked for us so far.

Go with your heart, and I agree with Joe.... if there is a chicken dance going on... then time to fly!

Big hugs.

Andrea

9:15 PM  
Blogger Keri said...

Maybe not my place to put my two cents in as I haven't been around for long, but if you have a feeling about something then I say trust your instinct. If his going to see her feels wrong to you, then there is something wrong about it. I truly believe that.

Trust yourself. If he knows how you feel and still goes through with it, then his commitment to working things out isn't where it should be.

9:57 PM  
Blogger thequeen said...

Hmmm this is a tough call. I understand the friends with the opposite sex thing because my VERY best friend in the ENTIRE world is a man. And My very bestest angel friend is a man. However if he knows how you feel about him taking a weekend to see her and he still goes, well that would certainly be a deal breaker if she is single, how ever if she is with someone that what would be the harm. Are you looking for a reason not to take him back because he made you mad when he left you?
I think you should follow your heart. Listen to your soul.I love you girl and I know you will make the right decision for you. i gotchya back!!!!!!

11:51 PM  
Blogger deni said...

Nope, I couldn't tolerate that either.

If she was part of a couple and he included you that would be one thing, but he is going off to see this woman by himself. I would wonder too what was going on.

I have one male friend, besides my hubby. The danger is in getting too close to that friend and becoming more than friends. When I talked to him on a daily basis, I started having deeper feelings for him than was proper, so now I only talk to him rarely.

Intimacy is more than just having sex with someone, it starts with sharing intimate thoughts from the heart.

So no, I wouldn't want my man to be friends with another woman, it is too easy to let it go further. Thankfully, I myself, pulled back before it reached that point and my marriage was ruined.

I don't know what's in Kevin's head, but it appears that he was just making excuses to break up with you so he wouldn't feel guilty seeing her.

3:58 AM  
Blogger Jezzy said...

You know it feels wrong, don't you. Go with what your gut is telling you.

5:04 AM  
Blogger Crazy Single Mom said...

I'm with kt on this one. All of a sudden he has problems with you having kids when you said he wanted to be around them before. I think that if there wasn't anything there before this weekend, he was thinking about it. Trust your instincts, we can give you all the advice we want to, but you have to be true to yourself!

5:08 AM  
Blogger David said...

That, my friend, is one HUGE warning sign. Be very, very careful. He is making a choice and he needs to be held responsible for that choice. There should be no reconciliation without serious counseling.

5:53 AM  
Blogger Kim said...

Well, ain't this a pickle?

If there's anything that I've learned from movies it's that the girl in your situation loses to the friend. Oh, except My Best Friend's Wedding. If it's like that you're in the clear.

Joking aside, I agree with KT and Crazy Single Mom. I think it's interesting that he breaks up with you and then wants to go visit this friend. On the one hand, maybe she really understands him and can help him figure things out. On the other hand, maybe he wants to bang her.

Go with your instincts babe and keep in mind I can fly to Canada and kick his ass if need be.

6:28 AM  
Blogger Jenny said...

I think it is an issue of respect. If he is unwilling to respect and understand your feelings regarding this, he probably will not respect your feelings in other areas as well. Why is it so important for him to see this friend against your wishes? I think that if he is serious about being with you that he would consider your feelings first.

10:19 AM  
Blogger Bella said...

Here goes - I am one of those "friends" that the boyfriend visits. Sorry, but I am. My best friend happens to be male. My friend and I have NEVER had a relationship, have never had sex or anything like that. Sure, we have kissed on the lips, never with tongue and we hug. That's it. We are very close and both of our better halves do have an understanding. What they don't understand is why we never ended up together. We are not attracted to each other. It's that simple.

I think I would wait until he comes back to see what happens before you make up your mind. Why? Because my best friend often comes to me for advice when his girl is unhappy or they are not getting along. I think it's great when people can have very close friends of the opposite sex because you can have that conversation with him/her when you are having problems with your b/f or g/f.

11:12 AM  
Anonymous Jaded Angel said...

I'm kinda on the opposite side of the situation as you are. I have a really good male friend that I want to go visit even though I am in a serious relationship. He lives too far away (California) to just pop in for a day visit. While Kyle is a little uneasy about it, at the same time, he realises that I've known Patrick for years and if there where any romantic feelings we would have acted on the before now, and both of us where Single and Looking for the first 2 years we knew eachother. Kyle trusts me not to cheat on him, and he trusts that if I thought Patrick was romantically interested I wouldn't go to see him.

However, two big differences are... I would never go if Kyle and I where having relationship troubles, and Kyle was invited to come with me, he just has no interest.

11:29 AM  
Blogger wanda said...

There are different ways to look at this but the bottom line is, you two are going through something right now. The last thing he should be doing is leaving town to hang with another friend. Especially if this friend is female.
I'm telling you Barb, once they start doing that restless dance, it's over. All that's left is to put an end to it. I know it's tough but prolonging it will only be putting off the inevitable.
I tend to agree with KT on this one. There's something rotten in Denmark and I think ole Kev is moving on. Like most men he is trying to avoid a confrontation.
Be strong, hon. You and Queenie need to get together and hold each other up!

12:55 PM  

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