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Friday, May 13, 2005

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did go to Vancouver. And for me it is over. You all wrote some pretty insightful responses and I thought and thought and thought about each of them. The conclusion I have come to is he has had feelings for this woman in the past and now she is single again. He is going over to see her to test the waters. I won't be his back-up plan. He is 43 and has never really had a long term relationship so I am guessing that he is very immature when it comes to relationships. He is expecting the fireworks that every great relationship has in the beginning and he doesn't understand that all relationships move past that. That is when you find out if it was true love.

As I said to another blogger, I am hurt, angry and bewildered that he has done this. Come Monday I will let him know that the choices he made moved me to the final decision that I will not attempt to work it out with him. Like I said, I will not be his back-up plan. I deserve better. We have been dating for well over a year and this is not something you do to someone when you have been in a relationship that long.

So what now? I have no idea. I am tired and very emotional right now. Just going to hit the sack early tonight.

17 Comments:

Blogger amy said...

oh my gosh what have I missed? i'm sorry for not being there for you. i've been so caught up in my own drama right now.... i'll add ya to my list of friends to pray for tonight. goodnight. hugs, inky

9:04 PM  
Blogger amy said...

PS: I just got done reading the book "HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU" it's an amazing account of when to realize grown ass men are not that into you. It's brutal and honest AND ENLIGHTENING! I'm just offering something of a good read to help you out. Not to rub it in.

9:05 PM  
Blogger Barbara said...

My mom has been saying those exact words to me. He was really into me for a very long time. Just got cold feet I guess. I keep thinking about what he is doing with her right now and that upsets me some.
In the end I still have the things that are and always will be most important to me. My kids, my mom, dad, brother and sister (that is expecting a BABY in October) but most of all myself. I will be ok. Just may take some time. I am sure over the next few weeks you will be hearing a few hate posts!

10:16 PM  
Blogger thequeen said...

Sorry to hear this sweets. I know how it feels. I was hoping that things would turn out differently.
You are an amazing person and some day a REAL man is gonna snatch you up and love you forever. Some guys just don't have it in em to be the forever kind. Thats just who he is.
Journey over time for the next adventure:):)

1:00 AM  
Blogger Vickie said...

Barbara - I just went through the same kind of ending recently. You are right. You should not be a back up plan for anyone. You're either 'the one' or you're not - and one grows sick of sitting in the backseat and waiting. I know I did.

You are wonderful and there is someone who is out there for you. Someone who is willing to stay the course of love for the long haul.

I believe that for you and I believe it for myself.

Hang in there. It will hurt for a while and you will find your thoughts filled with him and his doings - but you know...it does lessen. And you find yourself thinking less and less of him and more about yourself and what you want.

**hugss**

Sorry if I sound like I'm venting a bit here. Perhaps I am. I just know this feeling all too well and I'm keeping you in my heart and thoughts.

Have a good weekend, sweetie - k?

6:41 AM  
Blogger deni said...

No, you don't deserve to be anybody's back up plan, you deserve total love and commitment. And if you feel that way, then you are doing the right thing.

It's not fair of him to keep you on the sidelines, "just in case".

I am sorry that he hurt you like this, but someday you will meet the perfect man for you, apparently he is not the one.

Take care of yourself, sweetie.

*hugs*

8:15 AM  
Anonymous Kismet said...

You are on the right track, you are not a 2nd fiddle, even to him! Hold your head up and don't let him make you feel less than #1.
I am sorry you are hurting. I hope things smooth over soon.

~K!

1:01 PM  
Blogger Bumbling Bav said...

You are setting a good example for your children.... did you ever think of that?

And do read "He's just not that into you"..... everyone I know that is single has been reading it and it has done wonders for all of them!

Hugs
Andrea

1:29 PM  
Blogger Faith said...

You're setting a good example for your children, and for ME. I let men use me and I let it happen over and over...your strength of character is admirable.

1:31 PM  
Anonymous Jaded Angel said...

You made a choice based on what is best for you and not based on what is easier, which isn't all that common these days. Also, you've been saying how hard it's been to juggle everything in your life lately, so look at it as one less thing to worry about. You deserve someone who is willing and ready to commit to you and be a help to you as opposed to something else to demand your attention.

3:50 PM  
Blogger KT said...

3 words: GOOD FOR YOU.

I'm with Bumbling B on this -- you are setting a great example for your kids of how to NOT allow someone to treat you, and that is a HUGE lesson for them. I know it's probably not much comfort right now, but you should feel good about that.

In any case, I'm sorry any of this has happened to you -- and although it hurts like hell right now; there is a light at the end of this looong tunnel. You will feel better down the road and you will be happy you got rid of that DEAD WEIGHT.

Besides, being the big d-bag that he sounds like, he'll probably come crawling back to you one day telling you what a big mistake he made. Just enjoy the moment when you can tell him what an even BIGGER mistake it would be for you to even consider being with him again.

In any case, chin up and take good care of yourself (I find that lots of girly pampering helps tremendously...) :)

5:28 PM  
Blogger Vince said...

Bottom line: You are a strong, responsible woman who knows when and how to make a decision.

Feel proud.

7:15 PM  
Blogger thequeen said...

I love you too Barbara :)
You are Beautiful, Fabulous, Amazing, and Marvelous... I would love to have lunch sometime since I am staying here so close by!! We should hook up for some vittles, drinks, and laughter!

8:01 PM  
Blogger tonyheartssarah said...

big hugs!

8:41 PM  
Blogger Christine said...

Oh Sweetie, I am so sorry. He is a fool. You are a strong woman, and though you are hurting right now, it will get better. (((many hugs)))

9:58 PM  
Blogger Jezzy said...

{{{{Barbara}}}}


You are so much better than that, hon. You are.

11:33 PM  
Blogger David said...

Sorry that he made that decision - it will be one that he comes to regret. Don't let him come crawling back.

6:30 AM  

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