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Sunday, May 08, 2005

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My boyfriend and I just broke up. I don't know what to say but I know I needed to write. He has been single his whole life; never married or had kids. I, as you know have two kids. I come home from work everyday, make supper, do homework with them and do housework. I fall into bed most nights. My days off consist of doing housework, running the kids back and forth to school, paying bills, and running errands. My boyfriend wants me to be able to spend more time with him. We have been having this problem for several months now. I have told him that is isn't that I don't want to spend time with him it is just that I don't have time. I don't really even have time for myself with the exception of this blog.
Anyway, I told him today after he took off all day without discussing it with me that I was not going to be able to change my circumstances. I said he needed to make a decision about what he wanted. Did he want the single life or did he want the life of a girlfriend with kids. He choose the single life.
How do I feel? Like one more thing has fallen apart because I can't manage things. I have tried so hard to be there for my kids, my mom and dad, the kids school, my work...the list goes on and on. When you are juggling 30 balls one is going to drop. Today one of the balls dropped.
I am tired of having "a lot on my plate". How much does one person have to take? Why can't things just go well? I want to be able to spend more time with my kids, I want to be able to spend more time at my mom and dad's helping them out so my dad can get a break, I want to be able to volunteer at my kids school. I am so close to burn-out but there is no end in sight. I feel so lost and out of control. But I have to keep going; have to keep juggling the balls. I can't let one of them drop.

25 Comments:

Blogger deni said...

I am so sorry this has happened.

But if he can't except the fact that you are a package deal then that is his problem not yours.

I was once a single mom of three, I still have two at home, although they are older now. My husband had to accept that I came with kids, they are my first priority.

I hope you find someone who will love you and your kids.

*hugs*

6:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am so sorry this happened. I know exactly how this is though. (((hugs))

Kat

7:04 PM  
Blogger KT said...

I'm so sorry to hear your news; but on the other hand -- (at the risk of sounding totally cliched) it actually sounds like you're better off without him (although I realize it probably doesn't feel that way right now). Please don't even start blaming yourself -- this was HIS problem - it's not your fault!!!

Try to be happy to be rid of someone like that; and do not blame yourself. Besides, you are superwoman and he's an idiot who doesn't seem to have a clue what he has given up. [And who wants to be with someone so stupid? :p] You deserve way better than that, so don't ever settle for less.

Things will get better! :)))

7:17 PM  
Blogger Jezzy said...

Awww, Barbara, I'm sorry to hear that. xx {hugs}

11:52 PM  
Blogger David said...

I am very sorry for your loss. But you know full well your kids are the most important thing in the world. They need a Mom who loves them (as you certainly do) and will put them first. That sounds like what you are doing.

The boyfriend should have seen that quality in you. It is a GOOD quality.

Frustrating as hell for you, but hang in there and keep your chin up.

6:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Barbara,
I know you are juggling, I know this is one more loss for you. But you know you are doing the right thing by making sure your children are a priority and they are taken care of. You are a great mother and they will thank you for that...I know it.

~K!

P.S. I don't mean to sound trite, but better to have found out now....where would the kids be if he'd made this decision after a wedding??? Ack!!

Kismet.blogs.com

12:47 PM  
Blogger Bumbling Bav said...

Hey, do ya want me to come kick his ass?

Andrea

12:54 PM  
Blogger Kim said...

Sorry to hear it babe. If he can't see how great you are and what he's giving up then he's not worth your time anyway.

You can always email me if you need someone to talk to. My email box is always open. ;o)

*hugs*

1:12 PM  
Blogger Ms. Q said...

Ditto what the others said. I know about the juggling (too well). If you have only dropped one ball, you are doing way better than most people. You are awesome.
And he's a fool for not seeing that! =)

2:00 PM  
Anonymous Susan said...

How appropriate that this happened on Mothers Day!
I know you feel bad right now. But you are right to put your kids first. When you find a man who understands that your kids are part of your life, He, will want to love them too. A man who really loves you will love all the pieces of your life.
In the meantime get your hugs from your friends....>HUGGGSSSSS<

2:22 PM  
Blogger kelly said...

Barbara, my stomach dropped when I first opened up your blog today and read that first line. I remember how fondly you talked about him when I first started reading your blog a year ago.

I'm so sorry...

5:33 PM  
Blogger lamberrymer said...

so sorry to hear this - hang in there - you're doing the best for your family and that is very admirable.

6:48 PM  
Blogger ddddddddddddddddddddd said...

Oh, hon, I am soo sorry that happened, I thought he was better than that. I know people who know people who can take of that... LOL, okay, it's not a joking matter. But I totally understand what you're going through. Nobody wants to date a single dad whose primary focus is his kids. But they are my entire life right now. That and work, so when it's the right one who can accept all that, it will feel better. Sorry hon, hugs, love and prayers as always.

7:38 PM  
Blogger Leslie said...

He SO lost on that one, Barbara. Maybe his leaving has opened the door to other things you need. I'm sorry to hear that you're so stressed and at your wit's end. It can't be easy walking a mile in your shoes and it would've been nice to have had the support of your boyfriend.

Sounds like he just wasn't ready and that sucks.

:(

7:56 PM  
Blogger tonyheartssarah said...

Wow I am so sorry.

8:20 PM  
Blogger thequeen said...

Honey that aint no man what left your life today. That was a selfish little boy. Someday he is going to look back and think to himself " wow I really fucked that up!" You are an amazing woman and you deserve so much better then that. Always thinking about other people isn't doing you any good right now. You absolutely MUST think of yourself, You MUST take time for you and do what is right for you, even if that means dropping all the balls that aren't linked directly to your heart. Volunteering at the kids school can be dropped to give you time to help your dad. The boyfriend ball dropped of its own accord, MAKE the time to do something for you now. Dont worry about that little things and don't make the little things into big things just so you can worry about them. Family, Kids, Your health....working.. thats it .Then the blog if it is what helps you get through the day.
I am so sorry that your boyfriend was a loser and all that. He should have been the one person to come to you and support you in your time of need. ((((hugs)))))

8:45 PM  
Blogger Crazy Single Mom said...

I wish I had an answer for you. But I too juggle many balls in the air, and a lot of them dropped this weekend and broke. So I may not be able to help, but I understand and sympathize. Hugs to you from another juggler!

9:15 PM  
Anonymous Curtis said...

Ok that took long enough. Sometimes I think they invented computers just to tick people off when they need it the least. After 7 attempts I finally got to where I can post a comment and now don't remember what the heck I was going to say. Bugger Snot!!
Anyway I hate to see situations like this but if it's meant to be then it will be. I believe in that saying and I'm sticking with it. You'll find someone, just remain calm and be patient. From reading your posts I can tell it'll be someone special so keep on doing all that you are and it will be there when you least expect it. Worked for me.

4:18 AM  
Blogger Ms. Vickie said...

I am new to visit you and will be returning often to over you support, love, understanding and friendship from afar. Your heart is heavy and hurts but you will be a stronger person and when the time is right and you are ready remember with the closure of this relationship so many doors will be opened for you it might not be in a relationship right now it might be in something else you need for you just be open and receptive to what comes your way.
Vickie www.alwaysvictoria.com

7:44 AM  
Blogger awomanchained said...

I'm sorry to hear about this update. Time wounds all heels, and he certainly qualifies. (Not sure why this corny statement keeps coming to mind.) My hope for you is that you find a partner who supports and loves your kids as much as they support and love you.

8:53 AM  
Blogger Vickie said...

I am so sorry, Barbara - and my heart aches for you. But I also know there's someone out there that will welcome you and your kids with loving arms. I truly do.

**hugss**

11:13 AM  
Blogger Keri said...

Oh hon. I'm so sorry. Bad timing. But is there ever good timing for relationships to end? Hugs to you.

12:27 PM  
Blogger wanda said...

It is so incredibly hard for single Moms to find a good man who's willing to not only accept their children but to actually embrace them and become part of their lives. I've watched my ex-daughter-in-law go through relationship after relationship with guys who are attracted to her but just can't quite get that she's a package deal. It hurts so much to see her and the kids get their hearts broken time after time. Men can be such jerks.
I'm going to tell you what I've told her. Just stop looking. Focus on the things in your life that you can control. Try to find joy and fulfillment in your children and your family. Yes, there will be lonely times, but I have to tell you, even married women go through those same times.
It would be wonderful if we all could have a Carl (Leslie) or a Curtis (Ellen), but there just aren't than many of them around.
Keep in mind that love can come at along at any time in your life. You are still a young woman. The time will come when your kids and your parents won't need you quite so much. Don't give up, just try to be patient. I know that's hard. Try to remember, for everything there is a season. Your's is still to come.

1:25 PM  
Anonymous Jaded Angel said...

*hugs* I'm sorry to hear about the breakup. If that's his attitude though, then maybe you're better off without him. I just hope he realizes that he made a huge mistake giving you up.

3:47 PM  
Blogger Ig said...

A man who wants to be a part of the family will, by the nature of his participation, create the slack in your schedule that will allow you to spend quality time together.
Ig.

8:40 AM  

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