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Monday, May 02, 2005

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Update on my mom... She is doing well except from being sick from the chemotherapy side effects. She is in Vancouver today getting another treatment and I am expecting her back tomorrow. Her last CT scan showed clear from the Ovarian cancer and they believed that they got it all however there was a spot on her liver and I will not know until they get the results of the scan she is getting today if it is cancer or not. Thank you for each of you that has kept her in your thoughts and prayers.

I got a call at work today that Girl-N was sick at school so I had to go get her. I was so tired at work this morning I was thankful for the day off. I have not been sleeping well and I have been having nightmares. I don't know if it is all the worry and grief or I am just hormonal. I am not usually one to have nightmares. I have been so sad the last few days. It has been one year on May 6th that my Nana died. The pain isn't as raw but it hurts even more. ( I know that makes no sense.) People told me it would get better and I would start to feel better about losing her but I miss her now more than ever. One year means that I have not seen or spoken to her. And of course I am constantly thinking about my mom. Some days it feels like I will never be happy again.

As some of you know I am also going through a divorce and I found out last week there are some people spreading mean and vicious gossip about why I am getting a divorce. I mean really mean. I don't even want to say what people have said (and believed) and passed on to other people. I will never understand how someone can delight so in the misfortune of others.

So today has been a rather sad day. I just want to go to sleep.

14 Comments:

Blogger Kim said...

I know how you feel about your Nana. I lost my grandfather a couple of years ago and it hurt so bad. What made it better was thinking about the great times together. While it made me a little sad that we wouldn't have those times again, it made me appreciate having them at all. We have to look back on those memories of them fondly and be grateful that we had them in our lives at all.

As for the rumors, pay them no mind. You know the truth and that's all that matters.

Chin up sweetie. Things will get better. Your mom is in my thoughts.

6:10 PM  
Anonymous candytuft said...

I'm so sorry to hear about what you've been through. Just hang on tight and things will get better sooner and that sunshine will soon greet you with its sweetest smile.

Please don't worry too much what other people might say. No matter how good a person is..people always have something to say!

Take good care and thanks so much for visiting my blog :)

9:09 PM  
Blogger KT said...

Hi Barbara,
Let me tell you something a teacher told me once about those people (who are spreading the vicious rumors) -- basically, people like that are miserable, and the only way they can feel better about themselves is to either put other people down, or talk sh** about everyone else to everyone else. I dont know about you, but when I've had to deal with people like that - I've used my teacher's advice, and was then able to look at them for what they really were: pathetic assholes! What a difference that made. Sure, the trash talk can hurt, but it's more about them, than it is about you, so don't even waste any of your precious mental and emotional energy on those losers. You know what's what - period. Hang in there!

9:42 PM  
Blogger Territorial said...

So sorry to hear you've had such a hard time as of late.

I will never understand what fuels people to spread such crap. Does it make them feel better about themselves or what?

I don't get it. Sorry you have to endure it.

Keeping your Mom in my thoughts.

8:16 AM  
Blogger David said...

Glad to hear your Mom is doing well and certainly pray the spot is nothing to be concerned about.

You cannot do anything about what people say. I know it hurts, but you know the truth and that is what matters. They are only hurting themselves when the truth does come out.
Hang in there.

11:58 AM  
Blogger Bella said...

I'm so glad that your mom is doing good. I had a scare myself last year but I turned out fine. Now I go every six months just to be on the safe side. Hang in there! BTW - you've been tagged. GO check my blog. :)

4:11 PM  
Blogger Bella said...

WAIT! Don't check until tomorrow. lol Haven't posted it yet.

4:12 PM  
Blogger Jezzy said...

You're a lovely, sweet person, Barbara. Don't let anyone get you down. x

5:33 PM  
Blogger thequeen said...

I hate to hear that you are feeling sad again. It is hard to lose someone you love so much, Sometimes a year just isn't enough time to grieve. I know it sounds silly but when my cat Dakota died in 97 I figured It would feel better after some time went by. I still cannot look at pictures of him without tearing up.The point that I am trying to make is that everyone is different, each person handles grief in there own way.Don't think that you aren't supposed to still feel sad just because someone told you its been long enough. Who is to say how long is long enough..Anyway I am going to keep your mom in my prayers until she is better and then beyond just because!
Don't go to bed and go to sleep, you don't want to fall into that trap of hiding from the world and your own sorrows under the blankets. I have much love for you:):):)

5:46 PM  
Blogger deni said...

I am glad to hear the good news about your mom, and I hope that the spot is nothing. Chemo is hard on the body, I remember when my own mother went through that.

My mom passed away in 1988, she didn't survive the cancer, I hope your mom does.

And of course the loss of your Nana still hurts, and you are probably feeling it deeper because you are missing her emotional support during such a painful and stressful time in your life. I still miss my mom even after all these years, you can't just shut love off.

Take care and I hope you have sweet dreams tonight.

6:09 PM  
Blogger ddddddddddddddddddddd said...

I am glad to hear about your Mom, she is always in my prayers.

Regarding the grief over your nana, I understand that pain, it has been 8 years since my Grampa Joe passed away. I miss him as much today as then, but now the memories are all the happy, fun things we did, not the last six months of pain and hurt. It won't get any easier, but it will become less painful.

Regarding the divorce..... OH HOW I hear you on this one. Going through it now, too.

6:25 PM  
Blogger Catherine said...

You've been in my thoughts all day since I've read your post, just now had the chance to write something down. I hope that you're feeling better.

7:01 PM  
Blogger Faith said...

I'm thinking about you, dear. It's an awful time for you, and you're being sabatoged by evil gossip mongerers. Shoot them all!!

I know it doesn't help, the old platitudes about "what they think doesn't matter" and all, but you know one thing for sure...this too shall pass.

Take care!

7:01 PM  
Blogger Bumbling Bav said...

Your mom was so close to me.... we were only 1 hr from each other.

I hate rumors and the people who fuel them! (((( I know HATE is a bad word..... but rumors and words can hurt))))

Big hug and lots of prayers to you my friend!

Andrea

8:28 PM  

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