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Tuesday, June 07, 2005

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A glass of wine (or 2) can do lots on a girl's outlook on life and so I come up with my new dating profile if I was to ever go back on Lavelife or Match.com (which I won't).

I am not interested in your sorry ass if you...

live with your mom, do drugs, drink too much, don't own a vehicle, are out of work (other than for health reasons), eat fast food more than once a week, treat you mom like shit, don't pay child support, want me to swallow, have long hair, will let your dog watch us have s#x, don't say please or thank you, don't hold doors for old people, ignore your kids, watch lots of TV, are into thr##somes (sorry I am not b!s#xual), are into "dom!nating" me, want me to "dom!nate" you, are always late, don't take care of your body and eat crap all the time, have anger issues, have a prison record, think you are God's gift to women, want to spend every waking minute with me (I need space!), live in a pig sty, are mean to animals, think it is ok to go see another woman for the weekend while you are dating me even if you are just friends, lie, steal, want me to serve you dinner after I have worked all day, don't want kids, have a problem with spirituality, are rude to waitresses and don't tip. Furthermore, you better be able to handle a woman that "knows what she wants" (Note- that term seems to be a favorite among men in dating profiles) because I know what I want! So don't piss me off because I will dump your sorry ass because I am very happy with the person I am. It took forever but I am never going to change for anyone (not just a man) again.

Oh yeah. You better like bald women becuase I am going to be one.

Note-The above post may or may not reflect the true feelings of Barbara. Her kids are away for the night and she has had a little to much wine.

9 Comments:

Blogger Catherine said...

I second that!

8:40 PM  
Blogger KT said...

ATTA GIRL! :)

9:27 PM  
Blogger Erin said...

Wine or no wine, that seems like the perfect set of requirments to me.
Now, you said no threesome because you're not bisexual... what if he wanted another guy to join? lol I'm kidding ;)

8:29 AM  
Anonymous Kismet said...

Ha! I guess you know what you DON'T want! That is usually me too, I always know what I don't want, rarely what I do.

~K!

12:24 PM  
Anonymous che (candytuft) said...

I totally agree with you ! Cool blog post! :)

1:48 PM  
Blogger Jezzy said...

I agree with kismet - it's a great list and it's easier to say what you *don't* want!

3:28 PM  
Blogger Faith said...

Oh my God, we could be twins. I'm just going to borrow that list, staple it to my genitalia, and make prospective boyfriends sign it in their own blood before removing it.

Hmm. Struck a chord, you think?

5:21 PM  
Blogger Amber said...

Okay so you could mass produce that list and market it in web and paper form and I'd bet you'd make a mint. Seriously, it's all the things I want to say in an add but can't bring myself to. Thanks for saying it for me :)

7:40 PM  
Blogger wanda said...

Wow! If you find a man who does NOT posess at least two or more of those traits, let me know. I wanna meet this guy.
I suspect no such animal exists.

11:47 AM  

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