A glass of wine (or 2) can do lots on a girl's outlook on life and so I come up with my new dating profile if I was to ever go back on Lavelife or Match.com (which I won't).

I am not interested in your sorry ass if you...

live with your mom, do drugs, drink too much, don't own a vehicle, are out of work (other than for health reasons), eat fast food more than once a week, treat you mom like shit, don't pay child support, want me to swallow, have long hair, will let your dog watch us have s#x, don't say please or thank you, don't hold doors for old people, ignore your kids, watch lots of TV, are into thr##somes (sorry I am not b!s#xual), are into "dom!nating" me, want me to "dom!nate" you, are always late, don't take care of your body and eat crap all the time, have anger issues, have a prison record, think you are God's gift to women, want to spend every waking minute with me (I need space!), live in a pig sty, are mean to animals, think it is ok to go see another woman for the weekend while you are dating me even if you are just friends, lie, steal, want me to serve you dinner after I have worked all day, don't want kids, have a problem with spirituality, are rude to waitresses and don't tip. Furthermore, you better be able to handle a woman that "knows what she wants" (Note- that term seems to be a favorite among men in dating profiles) because I know what I want! So don't piss me off because I will dump your sorry ass because I am very happy with the person I am. It took forever but I am never going to change for anyone (not just a man) again.

Oh yeah. You better like bald women becuase I am going to be one.

Note-The above post may or may not reflect the true feelings of Barbara. Her kids are away for the night and she has had a little to much wine.