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Friday, June 10, 2005

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When I think on the words people have used to describe me I know that they do not fit. Making the decision to shave my head was an easy one. But the words like brave, bold and courageous do not describe me. They don't. When my mom was diagnosed with cancer I lay on my bed crying like I had never had before. I begged God to spare her life. Why? Because I needed her still. Brave? Hardly. More like cowardly. I remember lying curled up and clinging to a stuffed bunny she gave me when I was pregnant with my daughter. Courageous? No way. Scared beyond belief that my mom was going to die and I was going to have to say goodbye to my best friend. The decision to shave my head was easy because cancer struck my family twice this year. It stole my Nana away from me and it hit my mom. It has hit your families as well. I know we must find a cure. The words that speak positive attributes don't belong to me. They belong to the people that are living with cancer and still get up each day with a smile; the people that allow toxins to be pumped into their body in the name of wellness. They belong to those out there that go each day for radiation; and the people that bravely allow they to be the "guinea pigs" for new treatments. This is why I am doing it. We need to continue to work our way to a cure.
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To make a donation to the Canadian Cancer Society click here.
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To make a donation to the American Cancer Society click here.

6 Comments:

Blogger Cori said...

That was very honest and brave of you to post. Thank you!

8:39 PM  
Anonymous joe cool cowboy poet said...

((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))

Love and prayers for you and mom.

5:16 AM  
Blogger KT said...

"...lay on my bed crying like I had never had before. I begged God to spare her life. Why? Because I needed her still. Brave? Hardly. More like cowardly." How is being a caring HUMAN in any way cowardly? Everything that you are feeling is all a part of being a caring human being and has absolutely nothing to do with your courage or bravery.

Quit beating yourself up! (that's our job! :p [Virtually speaking, of course])

7:00 AM  
Blogger Bella said...

The feelings you felt are natural feelings. Because someone is scared, does not mean they aren't brave or courageous and it certainly doesn't make you cowardly.

Those people out there living with cancer count on people like you to help them. And those who are in remission are cancer free because of you and people like you who refuse to give up on finding a cure. There may be no cure yet but scientists have worked damn hard to find ways to curb it. And why is that? Because you and all those other hard working people participate in events to help raise money for cancer. Shame on you for denying yourself those well deserving words - YOU ARE BRAVE AND YOU ARE COURAGEOUS JUST LIKE THOSE FIGHTING CANCER.

9:17 AM  
Blogger Erin said...

Bravery isn’t when you’re not afraid, bravery is when you are afraid but you press on anyways. Any of us who read your blog can see that that is what you did. As afraid as you where for your mother, and yourself without your mother, you still pressed on. You took care of your children, you still went to work, you did everything you could and then some, for you parents. You didn’t just shut down and let your life completely shatter around you. Of course you cried, you’re human and you where scared. You don’t see strength and bravery in yourself, but didn’t it take strength for you to wipe your eyes, get up, and take care of your family after you cried? You see yourself as weak and cowardly, but we read about everything you’ve been through, and most of us wonder how you did it as well as you did.

If I am ever faced with this situation, I just pray that I can be half the woman you are!

11:40 AM  
Blogger thequeen said...

You do not give yourself enough credit at all. Folks with cancer are not the only ones living with it. Folks with cancer are not the only ones fighting to find a cure.
You are an amazing woman, you didn't let your fear of losing your mother stop you from doing everything you had to do. I don't know how it is that you think you are not courageous. You are absolutely one of the bravest people I know.It is an honor just to know you. You amaze me and everyone else every single day. Give yourself just a little bit of credit. Just a little. Or at least allow us to do it. And then believe it when you read it or hear it about yourself. You are loved. ((((((hugs))))))))

11:32 PM  

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