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Monday, October 24, 2005

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I seriously think I must lead the most boring life of anyone I know. All I did today was clean the kitchen and do laundry. For dinner I made a roast. Could it get any less exciting? I think not.
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In case I haven't mentioned this site before. It plays meditation music around the clock. It is unwind.com. We can all stand to unwind a little can't we?
~
And yet again I am going through the tired of being single phase. About once a month I get that lonely feeling. It always goes away but it sucks going through it. The thing is I do get asked but I just can't get myself interested in "dating" again. You know, shaving my legs and wearing clean non-granny style underwear. I would have to actually keep my house tidy. And I would have to pay attention to another human-being and I don't have it in me right now. I don't feel depressed, in fact I feel quite happy but I am not interested in anything right now. I suppose it has been a tumultuous year with my Nana dying and my Mom having cancer. Then Kin broke up with me. But I got through all that stuff. {sigh} Ok maybe not. I am glad Kin is not in my life anymore but I still miss my Nana even more than when she died. Everyone has told me that it gets easier but as time goes on I just miss her more. I always have the underlying worry that cancer will show up again in my mom. I don't want to go through that again. I don't want her to face that again.
I don't know what is wrong with me. When I was dating I was at a point where I felt I needed a man in my life to validate me. Now I am single and I don't want any part of dating and I don't know why I feel this way. What is wrong with me?

14 Comments:

Blogger Kim said...

Nothing's wrong with you silly. I've been feeling the same way! Being with a guy was alright but now maybe you just need a break, some "me" time. There's nothing wrong with that. When you're ready, you'll know it.

9:45 a.m.  
Blogger Richard said...

Barbara wrote: "I seriously think I must lead the most boring life of anyone I know."

I think most people think that about themselves. We should compare notes one day. I consider myself a serious contender for boring guy (my wife will concur - when we compare our youths, her comment is always, "You were really boring." ;-)

Barbara wrote: "...shaving my legs and wearing clean non-granny style underwear. I would have to actually keep my house tidy."

Hmmm ... I have never actually done those things - whether single or married.

Barbara wrote: "What is wrong with me?"

Probably nothing. Society does its best to try and convince you that unless you are exactly like everyone else, wearing the same brand of clothes, drinking the same cola, enjoying the same sunny beaches, engaging in the same risque activities, then you are not having fun.

Do what Kim said, enjoy your "me" time.

11:54 a.m.  
Anonymous Margaret said...

I agree with Kim and Richard that there is nothing wrong with you!

12:34 p.m.  
Blogger J.J. said...

Honey there is nothing wrong with you. I agree with Richard, we all think our lives are boring. I think it's the usual...it's typical..it's life. Hang in there and smile, when it's right with someone you'll know it.

4:30 p.m.  
Blogger lamberrymer said...

aww you're human! nothing is wrong with you - i think you seem very cool :)

ps. all i did on sunday was laundry. i didn't even cook!

7:17 p.m.  
Blogger thequeen said...

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you! Dingleberry!!!
It is wonderful to be single. Enjoy this time. It won't last too long before some irresistible man comes along and fucks everything up again:P

9:35 p.m.  
Blogger wanda said...

I've been going through a 'tired of being married' phase. Wanna swap?

10:10 p.m.  
Blogger Colleen said...

IT is actully so liberating to hear that you are such a stong woman I wish I had about half the strength that you do. Amen.

5:56 a.m.  
Blogger Anna said...

There's nothing wrong with you : ) It's just a time of change. You were used to having someone around and it takes some time to get used to not having someone around. It's good that you don't need anyone else to "complete" you. Be who you are without anyone else, because if you part ways, you've lost a piece of yourself. And if you ever decide that you do want someone else in your life, just see it as you already have everything you need, he will just be "icing on the cake."

9:28 a.m.  
Blogger deni said...

I don't think there is anything wrong with you either, I feel like that sometimes and I am married.

Maybe I need a break from hubby. :)

Just kidding there, but seriously, I think you are going through a process, a lot of changes in a little time, sometimes we just need that break.

12:05 p.m.  
Anonymous Keith said...

Basically echoing everyone else's comment. There is definitely nothing wrong with you for having those feelings and we all feel that our life is pretty boring at times. If you and your kids enjoyed the pumpking maze that is the main thing.

1:30 p.m.  
Blogger Ms. Q said...

What's wrong with you is that you think something is wrong with you!! I am guilty of the same thing! I know I try to make my life "sound" interesting, but it is really, really boring most of the time.

Welcome to the human condition! It's fabulous here! Won't you stay awhile? The best part is, as soon as you get comfortable with this situation, it will all change again. Guaranteed!!

So sorry about your Nana. I didn't ever say that earlier - I don't think I knew you then. What a huge loss. Enjoy your mom being well. It's a gift. We think you are special Barbara, and I hope each day you find some small delight that you didn't expect.

The best part about you sharing this is that I think we can all relate. So, therefore, you aren't alone at all. None of us are. How cool is that?

*mwah*

2:10 p.m.  
Blogger awomanchained said...

I think it's awesome that you're doing exactly what you want to do. You're coming out of a period of massive change. Go easy on yourself and let yourself heal! I impressed that you cooked a roast - something that I don't know how to do! So you see, you're not boring at all - you're skilled! ;-)

9:10 p.m.  
Anonymous Joe Cool Cowboy Poet said...

It has to be the right time, the right person and the right frame of mind. Just go with the feelings, you'll know when it's time to put yourself out there again.
Keep smilin, it does happen eventually for all of us.

12:54 p.m.  

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