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Sunday, November 06, 2005

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I have been thinking about this upcoming promotion at work and I have decided something. I don't actually want it! I know it sounds crazy because I have been working my ass off and a promotion is what most people work for. This is not the direction I thought my life would go. I am the farthest thing from a 'career' woman. I went to college to become a nurse and now I work in an office. I had always pictured myself as being married and my income being the secondary income. Now I am the only income and raising two children on my own. I had always seen my life with a partner. I grew up where everything was done by both my mom and my dad. It was all 50/50. Now everything is done by me. I had pictured my life differently. I feel like I walk around in a fog. I am so very, very tired all the time. I never get a break. So do you understand why I don't want this promotion? It isn't me. I want to put my time and energy into my children and not into someone else's company. It is frustrating to have so few choices about what happens in my own life. Alright. I will stop whining. It will all be ok. I get a week of holidays on another month and a half. I just need a break.
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6 Comments:

Blogger J.J. said...

Good for you....It's a difficult decision putting your life first. I've realized that too....you're not your job. Hold your head up high and do the best for you.

7:53 p.m.  
Anonymous Leslie said...

"You're not your job". How I've clung to that bit of advice for so long now. Sounds like you're a nurse in an office worker's body and I'm a who-knows-what in an office worker's body.

Hang in there 'til your break. It'll do you good.

9:08 a.m.  
Blogger Anna said...

Life doesn't always turn out how we expect it to no matter how hard we try or how much we plan. But sometimes when everything goes to the wind, we find that happiness comes in many other forms. You'll find a way to balance eveything--it's still new and takes some getting used to. And it sounds like you already have your priorities straight. Do what's best for you and your children, not what you feel pressured by others to do. Hang in there : )

9:48 a.m.  
Blogger Bumbling Bav said...

Holidays... ah yes that will be nice for you and the kids.

3:58 p.m.  
Anonymous Joe Cool Cowboy Poet said...

Oh sweetie, I so hear you. That is exactly what I thought my life was going to be too. Well, except I was the Daddy part. Sigh. Sometimes we don't get to choose though, so we make the best of it for the kids. In the meantime, until Prince Charming comes along, here I give to thee, a gift.
Hugs: Three for you and one for each child.
Love: May it find you in it's many forms, the hug of a child, the smile of a stranger, the call from a friend.
Prayers: from my heart to yours and full of hope, light and love. May peace fill your heart as you come home each night to those little arms wrapped around you.

4:21 p.m.  
Blogger OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

I really admire you and I know what you are doing alone is just an incredible feat! Good for you! Came your way cause I saw a comment you made and thought I'd check ouyt your blog. Glad I did. You deserve 10 medals!!!

4:42 p.m.  

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