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Monday, February 06, 2006

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Do you know what today is? It is my 2 year blogging anniversary ! Here is a part of my first post...

"Well what do you know about this? A place to write where people can sit and read the thoughts that tumble around my head everyday. This could be fun! Ok then. I left my husband a year and a half ago. Turned out I am pretty screwed up and am attracted to alcoholics. So my mom talks me into going to al anon at which point I think "Ya right mom". Well my life back then really could not have been more shitty so what harm could come from going? So I go. I cried the entire first meeting. Cried at every meeting for about a year actually. All these years of thinking I was a nut case and it is was just that I was raised in an alcoholic environment! I don't get to meetings as often as I should but this program has turned my life around."


It seems things have come around full-circle and I am needing to get back to Al Anon again. I feel I really haven't grown much since I stopped going. Being a unhealthy co-dependent is a slippery slope and I have fallen back. My self-esteem has slid down that slippery slope and with that comes depression.
Life can throw you curve balls when you don't expect them.
So much has happened in two years. These last two years have been made up of mostly sad memories. Would I change them if I could? I want my Nana back but not if it meant pain and suffering for her. Would I change my mom's cancer diagnosis? That is a hard one. I think she is glad for it because it changed her so much. But that is her story to tell. For me it brought on the fear that I will one day lose my mom to death. That said, her battle with cancer brought us closer than ever. So bitter sweet.

Two years. I am hoping the next two years brings happy memories. I will get back to Al Anon because my recovery depends on it.

To all of you that have been with me for the full two years and to all the rest of you I thank you for your words of wisdom, compassion, humour and unconditional support.

22 Comments:

Blogger ellen said...

Happy Blogiversary. You're a remarkable woman who gives good sound advice.

5:04 a.m.  
Blogger Colleen said...

I know I have not been with you for the last two years but I do find your words on your blog very uplifting to me and they have ment the world to me. I will continue to read your blog and leave comments. Happy Blogging Anniversary.

7:03 a.m.  
Blogger ddddddddddddddddddddd said...

Happy Blogiversary sweetie. Thank you for being here. Thank you for your words of support on my page too.

You do what you have to do, to keep yourself going. We'll always be here to send you hugs, love and prayers.

7:32 a.m.  
Anonymous Sleeping Mommy said...

Happy Blogiversary.

We all need some kind of support for different things. You know it helped sounds like it's time to go back?

8:46 a.m.  
Blogger Richard said...

Happy blog anniversary!

It is amazing how much time passes and how little always seems to change - despite our most earnest desires.

Hope the next two blog years bring you lots of postive things and stuff ...

Don't worry about being screwed up and a basket cae ... we all are. I have never met one person who can lay claim to have had a perfect life.

9:41 a.m.  
Blogger happyandblue2 said...

Happy Blogiversary. Wow. Two years of blogging is a long time.
Looking forward to the next year..

11:45 a.m.  
Blogger wanda said...

"Unconditional support"

Yep, that's our blogging family. Thank God for them eh?

Congratulations on your blogiversary.

I'm sorry your feeling so down. I've been where you are and I know how it feels. I hope getting back into Al-Anon will help.

1:16 p.m.  
Blogger Sammi2u said...

Happy Blogversary! I hope everything works out for you, I've been in a simalar situation and it's not easy, but you will get through it.

Take care of you~

1:48 p.m.  
Blogger OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

Happy Anniversary, my dear!

It sounds like you know exactly what you need to do....Back To Al-Anon---A wonderful place to help you 'know' what you need to do NEXT.

And, though I have not been here through Thick & Through Thicker, I'm here now, and I wish you ALL the Best, and, the Happiest Of Anniversary's.

6:08 p.m.  
Blogger Ms. Q said...

You go girl! Happy Blogiversary! You have been a delight and an inspiration, you know! I think you are one of the most honest people on the internets. Thank you for sharing your life and your thoughts and feelings with us.

8:05 a.m.  
Anonymous Margaret said...

Congrats on your 2nd Blogiversary! Yay! You totally rock, Barbara. Here's to an enjoyable 3rd year! *clinks glasses with you*
:o)

9:23 a.m.  
Blogger J.J. said...

Happy 2nd Blogiversay! What do you get for this one I wonder......a new modem? maybe some new fancy mouse?
I hope you have a great day and thanks for your great words.

4:16 p.m.  
Blogger ldjay said...

Happy Blogiversary to you.
You are a Queen and Scholar. This next year is going to be GREAT! :)
I just know it is!
Keep the positiveness flowing thru you and soon it will be spilling out and getting on everyone!
Great Big Hug to you.

6:02 p.m.  
Blogger oopseedaisee said...

Barb,
Happy boggiversary. I havent been blogging for even a year yet, and I have made so many good friends thru blogging, and I am proud to count you among them.May the year ahead bring happiness.

6:22 p.m.  
Blogger lamberrymer said...

happy anniversary - i look forward to reading your next 2 years and wish you only the best :)

7:25 p.m.  
Blogger Jezzy said...

Congratuations. I'm glad I found you. I'm glad you're around. You're truly a Special One. x

4:01 a.m.  
Blogger Sarah said...

Happy Anniversary!

5:56 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

xHappy Bloggiversary! : )
Chana
www.bunnyburrow.com

6:17 a.m.  
Blogger Muddy, BloggingCat.com said...

May you have the best two years of your life (so far) coming up! Meow to you.

4:47 a.m.  
Blogger thequeen said...

Happy bloggerversary Barbara!!!
You are loved and appreciated!!!!

5:34 p.m.  
Blogger kelly said...

I've been right here with ya for *almost* two years, I started blogging at the end of February two years ago and found you not long after!

Keep on keepin' on, you're a remarkable woman, and I love your insight on life.

11:09 p.m.  
Blogger Shephard said...

Barbara,

I came over to your site from Joanna's. :)

I am trying to let people who care about cats know about a commercial that advocates negligence for cat owners. I'm not a crazy political person, I just really thought it was irresponsible of them. If you're interested, I left a short post about it on my blog here:
http://shubertalleyshephard.blogspot.com/2006/02/show-you-care-about-your-pets-expedia.html

And if you are inspired to share with others, so much the better.

If not, that's okay too, and sorry to bother you.
Best Wishes,
~S

9:23 a.m.  

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