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Tuesday, February 06, 2007

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Well I am back. I decided that if the ex-boyfriend decides to stop by I will tell him to stop reading or I may let his wife know that he looked me up within a week of marrying her. So there!
Lots has been happening. I think I had already let you all know my mom's cancer is back and she is going through chemo. This time though we were told that this round will not get rid of all the cancer. I am not really dealing with this all that well. Just sad a lot of the time and I try not to think about it. Most of the time I just feel overwhelmed and sad. I hate that I have no control over any of this but this monster has me on the palm of it's hand and is waiting to destroy me. I know, this is not about me but there is one relationship where we are always the child. I am trying to be strong for my mom but I am doing a terrible job of it so I just stay away. I know, she doesn't need that either but I can't deal with this. I don't know how. There is no manual in how to watch your mom die 101.
Work has been lousy. Nuff said. I am waiting for my bonus in April then will see from there. I think it is time to move on.
Kids are doing well. The Girl won fourth place in Highland dancing this weekend. I was SO proud! She looked so beautiful up on the stage. So poised. So confident.
The boy is doing well too. He is in acting classes and having a lot of fun. He is also finally taking an interest in school.
I have been losing weight by using this website. It is going well and so far I have lost 10 pounds. I want to lose 22 more by June. I highly recommend Sparkpeople. The first two weeks are just an introductory to their site and can be quite confusing but once I go the hang of it it was easy.
Cats are good but still HATE each other and I am wondering if they will ever get along. I think they are doing it on purpose just to drive me crazy. I bet they are all snuggles and cuddles with each other when I am out.
That is all for now. I am glad to be back. Writing is always good for the soul.
Will get all the links and sidebar stuff put up later.
(Kevin I would advise you to stop coming to my site..unless you think your wife would be ok with it!)

I love you all and have missed you!

13 Comments:

Blogger Susan said...

Barbara,
I am so happy to see you back!
YAY< YAY< SHES HOME!!!!!!

I am sorry to hear of this struggle you are having dealing with your Mom. I know it must be devastating. I am sure your mom wants whatever is best for you. She loves you and knows you better than you know your self. So she understands. Just accept that you give what you can.
Huge hugs. Thanks for coming back!

10:00 PM  
Blogger Susan said...

oh I wanted to try the Sparkpeople thing. You can win a prize by reffering me. If you email me your user name I can put it on my sign up and see if you win something!
I would love to see my weight drop .

10:11 PM  
Blogger LauraJ said...

How exciting to have you back. Don't let one weirdo keep you away from living your life to the fullest. I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. I'm sorry to hear you are having a difficult time with the diagnosis. I will pray for you that you can get through this. Join some online groups for the support they can offer. Prepare yourself mentally for what's to come. Big big big hugs for you and everyone in your family.

5:28 AM  
Blogger ellen said...

I'm really sorry about your mom's cancer, and I hope you find a way of coping with it that brings both of you comfort.

5:54 AM  
Blogger A Woman Changed said...

Oh Barb, I'm so sorry to hear the news about your mom. After having recently gone through this twice myself...I feel as though I should be able to offer some stellar insight. But I can't because I didn't go through either situation very gracefully myself. I tried, but the utter lack of control kept me spinning and constantly grasping for it. Prayer helped me, writing helped me and opening my heart to my parents helped tremendously. I used to rub my mom's forehead and tell her that I loved her, and I would spoon feed her peaches (her favorite). I'll never ever forget those moments.

12:27 PM  
Blogger Chickity China said...

Hey Barbara. Even though I don't comment much, I'm glad to see you're back in the land of bloggers.

Really sorry to hear about your Mom. It's tough when you feel so helpless against such a terrible disease. My Dad had cancer, was sick for 8.5 months, and died when he was 55. It's really tough to see them sick and know there's nothing you can do.

I hope you go visit her and spend lots of time with her, though. Don't miss out on that opportunity. If you get upset in front of her, I'm sure she'll understand. And, once you get it out, it will do you good. Just have a good cry with her and then you'll be able to face it a little differently, I'm sure. You don't have to be strong for her...just be there for and with her.

Keep your chin up and I'll be back soon.

5:44 PM  
Anonymous lujza said...

Yay! So glad to see you back "home"!

Life can be so hard at times....but we're never given more than we can bear...even if it doesn't feel like it at the time.

Hugs and best wishes always!

8:22 AM  
Blogger Joe said...

Glad to see that you are still posting here and not letting others run your blogging.

I am so sorry to hear about your Mom. It was so hard on you the first time around and to know that this time they can't do as much for her must be tearing you apart. Please know that both you and her are in my prayers.
Hugs

8:48 AM  
Blogger sharon said...

Hey stranger! It's so nice to have you back. It just hurts my heart to think about what you're going through with your mom. It must be so scary. I hope it helps you to write about it and share with people. You and your mom are in my thoughts. Take care.

7:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wooohoo!! Welcome back! :)
Chana
www.bunnyburrow.com

7:27 PM  
Blogger Hillary said...

Welcome back, Barbara!

7:42 PM  
Blogger kelly said...

I'm glad you're back. You're my favorite blogging sistah!

Congrats on the weight loss, and all the cool things your kidlets are up to!

I'm sorry to hear about your mom. I'll keep her in my prayers.

12:04 AM  
Blogger GardeningJo said...

i am so very truly sorry to hear of your mom's cancer. i know how horrible it is to watch someone you love so pass away from this ~ do what you can to spend time with her and say things you want to say. yes, the images may haunt you for a long time to come, but the regret will break your heart like nothing else can.

9:59 AM  

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