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Saturday, March 03, 2007

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I don't know what is wrong with me. I wish I could just be happy. I am told by everyone that happiness is a choice but I just seem to go further into depression. I feel like I have so much against me. My mom is terminal. I am broke and at a job that I hate. My daughter's future is uncertain. I am tired all the time because something is wrong with my heart but I don't know what it is yet. Quite honestly, if it wasn't for my kids I would not want to go on. I cry all the time. I am tired of hurting. I used to be such a positive person and so happy. But now I wake up each day and have nothing to look forward to.

I try to come up with positive posts so I am not such a drag all the time but I can't seem to come up with much.

I miss my mom because I can't go visit her while she is getting chemo. Each day I wake up and wait again to go to bed. Sleep is my only escape right now.

I just want all this pain to be over and to smile again.

2 Comments:

Blogger Hillary said...

Barbara, worrying about your blog is the last thing you need to be doing. You are not a drag, you are sharing what is real and what is gonig on in your life.

Oh how I wish I could make things better for you. I don't know why life throws us the crap it does sometimes. Just take it a moment at a time. It sounds so trite to say that, but really, that's all we can do.

Have you gone to a doctor or counsellor for depression?

In the meantime, Barbara, I will be praying for you. I pray that each day will bring a spot of sunshine for you, and that God would comfort your heart and make his love known so, so clearly to you. Most of all, I pray that he will sustain you, and bring you peace.

Much love to you.

5:01 PM  
Anonymous lujza said...

He will watch over you Barbara...I will say prayers for you.

One foot in front of the other....one at a time.

*hugs*

10:27 AM  

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