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Saturday, March 03, 2007

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I don't know what is wrong with me. I wish I could just be happy. I am told by everyone that happiness is a choice but I just seem to go further into depression. I feel like I have so much against me. My mom is terminal. I am broke and at a job that I hate. My daughter's future is uncertain. I am tired all the time because something is wrong with my heart but I don't know what it is yet. Quite honestly, if it wasn't for my kids I would not want to go on. I cry all the time. I am tired of hurting. I used to be such a positive person and so happy. But now I wake up each day and have nothing to look forward to.

I try to come up with positive posts so I am not such a drag all the time but I can't seem to come up with much.

I miss my mom because I can't go visit her while she is getting chemo. Each day I wake up and wait again to go to bed. Sleep is my only escape right now.

I just want all this pain to be over and to smile again.


Blogger Hillary said...

Barbara, worrying about your blog is the last thing you need to be doing. You are not a drag, you are sharing what is real and what is gonig on in your life.

Oh how I wish I could make things better for you. I don't know why life throws us the crap it does sometimes. Just take it a moment at a time. It sounds so trite to say that, but really, that's all we can do.

Have you gone to a doctor or counsellor for depression?

In the meantime, Barbara, I will be praying for you. I pray that each day will bring a spot of sunshine for you, and that God would comfort your heart and make his love known so, so clearly to you. Most of all, I pray that he will sustain you, and bring you peace.

Much love to you.

5:01 p.m.  
Anonymous lujza said...

He will watch over you Barbara...I will say prayers for you.

One foot in front of the at a time.


10:27 a.m.  

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