I have been terrible with the updates here and after reading you will know why. Let me start at the beginning.

I started having problems with my heart back in July as most of you know. It has become progressively worse and started to get quite bad at the end of February. The heart specialist told me I needed to quit working. NOW.

I didn't and my heart problems got worse very quickly. I was not able to stand at times and experienced vertigo as well as a resting heart rate of 180 beats per minute. In the beginning of March I could no longer handle it so I had to quit. I have not said anything here because I have been so embarrassed and humiliated. I have never not been able to care for my family.

So now what was I supposed to do? I was feeling fine with a lot of rest and I had obviously a lot of time on my hands. I was able to go meet with girlfriends for tea and enjoy things for the first time in a very long time. I also had time to start dating.

Enter John (not his real name.)

I met him at Plenty of Fish. I had met some men previous to him which ranged from disaster to "nice". When I met John my entire world changed.

You guys, I am in love.

Yes. I said it. How you can fall in love in less than 3 weeks is beyond anything my brain can wrap around but it has happened.

He is the sweetest, kindest most gentle man I have ever known. He has been single for a number of years while he has raised his daughters alone. Last week I was at his house and was so tired I was going to go home but he asked if I wanted to rest there. I fell asleep and do you know what he did? He made me a chocolate cake...from scratch! hee hee

He has very old fashioned values and so far we have not got very far from just kissing. When he kisses me the entire world spins and I totally lose focus of everyone and everything. *sigh* Even thinking about him kissing me sends me reeling.

And here is the thing. My racing heart has slowed down considerably and last week it was the lowest it has been since July of last year. I am so relaxed around him! He totally mellows me out and calms me.

This is good guys. I am so happy. This whole thing is way beyond anything I could have ever imagined. I can't stop smiling.

Things on the work front are looking up. I qualify for retraining so things are looking good.

(PS- Thank you to Curtis and Ellen for making me never stop believing that this was possible)