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Thursday, March 29, 2007

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I have been terrible with the updates here and after reading you will know why. Let me start at the beginning.

I started having problems with my heart back in July as most of you know. It has become progressively worse and started to get quite bad at the end of February. The heart specialist told me I needed to quit working. NOW.

I didn't and my heart problems got worse very quickly. I was not able to stand at times and experienced vertigo as well as a resting heart rate of 180 beats per minute. In the beginning of March I could no longer handle it so I had to quit. I have not said anything here because I have been so embarrassed and humiliated. I have never not been able to care for my family.

So now what was I supposed to do? I was feeling fine with a lot of rest and I had obviously a lot of time on my hands. I was able to go meet with girlfriends for tea and enjoy things for the first time in a very long time. I also had time to start dating.

Enter John (not his real name.)

I met him at Plenty of Fish. I had met some men previous to him which ranged from disaster to "nice". When I met John my entire world changed.

You guys, I am in love.

Yes. I said it. How you can fall in love in less than 3 weeks is beyond anything my brain can wrap around but it has happened.

He is the sweetest, kindest most gentle man I have ever known. He has been single for a number of years while he has raised his daughters alone. Last week I was at his house and was so tired I was going to go home but he asked if I wanted to rest there. I fell asleep and do you know what he did? He made me a chocolate cake...from scratch! hee hee

He has very old fashioned values and so far we have not got very far from just kissing. When he kisses me the entire world spins and I totally lose focus of everyone and everything. *sigh* Even thinking about him kissing me sends me reeling.

And here is the thing. My racing heart has slowed down considerably and last week it was the lowest it has been since July of last year. I am so relaxed around him! He totally mellows me out and calms me.

This is good guys. I am so happy. This whole thing is way beyond anything I could have ever imagined. I can't stop smiling.

Things on the work front are looking up. I qualify for retraining so things are looking good.

(PS- Thank you to Curtis and Ellen for making me never stop believing that this was possible)


Blogger LauraJ said...

I had feelings of happiness all the way through and longing...oh how I hope this works out for you. He sounds like a great guy... does he have single male relatives?? I couldn't be any happier for you! Thank you for sharing!!

2:33 p.m.  
Blogger A Woman Changed said...

Wow Wow Wow! This is incredibly great news and I am beyond thrilled for you! Yippee and congrats and big hugs!

3:00 p.m.  
Anonymous lujza said...

I'm so happy for you Barbara! Never ever give up hope!

4:03 p.m.  
Blogger sharon said...

I'm so glad this is continuing to blossom. You know that I know what you are going through and I say just enjoy it. Savour it, live it, smile like an idiot 24 hours a day, miss him like mad when he's not around but think about him constantly...I'm really happy for you because I know how you're skipping around on cloud 9 right now. Good luck! Keep smiling!!!

6:16 p.m.  
Blogger ellen said...

I wish you much happiness. I hope all the love in your heart pushes away the illness and allows you to live a blissful life.

9:54 a.m.  
Blogger Catherine said...

Amazing Barbara! I love you so much and you deserve these great things in your life. As always you continue to give me the hope I need to keep plugging along.

11:07 a.m.  
Anonymous Curtis said...

I am totally happy for you not only for your luck with this wonderful fellow you've just met but your health as well. Yes a man with old fashion ideas can be a relaxing tonic, just ask Ellen. Thanks for the wonderful remark, but we only planted the seed...somewhere deep down inside you had the belief and didn't know it but now you can become a believer just like us. Go ahead now and give life the biggest chance you've ever given it and enjoy the heck out of it. It's there...retrain...get back into the groove...fall madly in love and go with the flow. In other words just get all warm and fuzzy like us. Sigh.

4:23 p.m.  
Blogger Jilly Bean said...


12:43 p.m.  
Blogger kelly said...

I'm so happy for you, Barbara! Such good news after so much bad. You're post just oooooooozed with happiness. Cheers to your healthy, happy heart!

1:25 a.m.  
Blogger Susan said...

It felt so good to read this post. I am so happy for you. I hope everything works out with this gentleman. Keeping you in my thoughts!!!!

8:50 a.m.  
Blogger Library Mama said...

What wonderful news! It couldn't happen to a nicer person. I'm so happy for you. Glad to hear of the positive effects to your health, too.

4:40 p.m.  
Blogger Lisa said...

Barbara, I am so happy for you! You deserve to have nice things in your life.

7:17 p.m.  

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