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Saturday, May 19, 2007

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John (not his real name) and I had a terrible argument last night over birth control and today I feel sick to my stomach. I had no idea he felt the way about certain methods of birth control. The problem started when I had and IUD inserted 3 months ago and major problems arose. Because of my age and familial history with cancer I am no longer able to have any medication type of birth control. That leads us to two options. I get my tubes tied or he gets a vasectomy. He basically that he was not "gung ho" about getting a vasectomy. That would be cool if he was 27 and still wanting kids but he is 47 and does NOT want kids. I am 36 and there is still a "maybe" hanging in the air.
I am tired of the responsibility always being put on woman for birth control. I had been on the pill for 20 years. After my kids were born I used a diaphragm. Now that I am past 35 I am no longer able to use the pill so I had to use an IUD. Anyway...I guess you think you know someone huh? If I was a guy I would say, "Don't worry about it. I will get a vasectomy!" I guess I judged him wrong.
So anyway. I have not been able to put anything in my stomach all day long. I am feeling week and very tired and my eyes are puffy from crying. I can't believe he is the type of man that would be that self centered.
It seems my post has brought some mixed responses. First of all, I did not give him an ultimatum. It was simply a discussion. Previous to having the IUD my periods were moderate and lasted 3 - 4 days. Since I had the IUD inserted my periods have been off the chart. I now use one super tampon about every two hours and my periods last 11-12 days. I can't walk at times from the cramps and I get more anemic with each period. With my familial history of ovarian and breast cancer I simply cannot every be on an type of medicinal contraceptive again. The other forms of birth control have too high a failure rate to consider options. At no time did I tell him to get a vasectomy nor have a told him we won't be having sex if he doesn't. I just asked him if this would be something he would think about doing since he does not want kids. His response of leaving the matter of birth control in my hands is what bothered me. It simply makes sense for him to do this whether he stays with me or not. But since he refuses I, the woman will be the one to take care of the matter of birth control.


Blogger Jilly Bean said...

One of my husband's biggest fears is that I will "rack him." He is very sensitive and protective of The Boys. Now that we've been married for 12+ years and he's seen all that I have been through...I think he would go ahead and get the surgery if asked. In the beginning of our relationship...I'm not so sure he would have said Yes either.

9:30 p.m.  
Blogger LauraJ said...

no vasectomy=no sex
i did that ultimatum with my ex when he came waltzing back into my life. he got the vasectomy.
he wants no kids ever, then its his responsibility to take care of that so he doesn't produce any. not yours darling. be strong. life sucks, men suck. you'll be okay.

4:52 a.m.  
Blogger Jilly Bean said...

Ummm...but you guys aren't married and have only been dating a short time. This is a huge, life-changing issue for him. I think you need to work it out together. You could also utter one of the most despised words ever... "Condom." But seriously, I always look at these types of issues that come up during dating as a test for how you two will work together toward a compromise.

8:35 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How could you utter such words without thinking.Ya he's such a jerk for not getting snipped!!!!I mean cummon lady who do you think you are for making such demands on the poor guy and way to go with the ultimatum.This just goes to show just how shallow we women are.Next you will ask him to wear a dress.

12:10 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ya look im sorry for the rough comments. Im sure you have every reason to ask him that.I was totally off base and I appologize.I had no reason whatsoever to to say what I said.Im totally sorry girl.

2:35 p.m.  
Anonymous Curtis said...

Personally I see nothing wrong with you asking him about some type of birth control. Why shouldn't he be sensitive to the feelings of the other party. I'm sure that things will work themselves out if you both just talk about it. Hey if you can't talk to each other then what are you doing together is my way of thinking. I can't see why he would even argue about it...he is heading for the big 50 so what's the big deal? Anyway hope it all works out because it did sound like you two were getting along pretty well.

12:50 a.m.  
Blogger sharon said...

Okay, the guy's knockin' on 50, so the only reason I can think of for him not to do it is fear. Scared to go under the knife. John has every right to feel scared, but if that's the case, he should just tell you that so you can work through it together. I know lots of guys who have done it (Kelly included) and it's just a matter of picking up a bag of frozen peas on the way home.
As for your anonymous commentor, I'm glad she appologized because that first comment she made was super rude. Not to mention cowardly to spout off like that anonymously. You wrote these things in your blog expecting suggestions, different perspectives and supportive feedback, not for some bully to take her bad mood out on you.

5:41 p.m.  
Blogger Joe said...

Well, six months after my son was born I went in and had it done. Fifteen minutes and I was back in the car driving home to find a bag of frozen peas. Back to work the next day too. I think it should be up to a guy if he doesn't want children to take care of it. It is so much simpler for us. And it makes love making so much more intimate now.

Keep smilin' hon. Big hugs.

7:51 p.m.  
Blogger Susan said...

I am sorry you guys had an argument. You sure need to make some new arrangement as the IUD sounds like a nasty situation. Good for you for refusing the pill. I went through the same stuff .
It is a big step for alot of guys. Maybe the issue is more about the short time you have been seeing eachother. It is a huge thing to do for your partner. And guys can be very sensitive about this subject.
I am sure if you give him time and manage to keep the conversation going, he will see the light.
My husband did it a year after our youngest was born and weve never looked back. He was back at work the next day and said the fear of doing it was the biggest obstacle.
Sorry you had some negative feedback from annonymous, dont let that get to you. I am happy she recanted.

11:40 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If it helps, you can tell him it really wasn't that bad, despite all my worst fears.

the uruologist who did mine performs them all on Fridays, giving his patients time to rest and get pampered by their appreciative Sig. others over the weekend.

7:34 p.m.  

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