This afternoon I have the 3rd and final phase of Root Canal from Hell. It didn't hurt and it went way faster than I thought it would. The problem? (You know I have to bitch about something!) I have never had a filling before and now I have this big-ass silver filling on my otherwise lovely straight teeth! It looks terrible. I am hoping the colour will improve with time. Does it? I have no idea what to expect. (It's in a molar so only I can see it.) I will say this though. It sure is nice to enjoy ice cream again.

Today I took my break for lunch as I normally do and as I normally do I flipped my shoes off. Well today I noticed something a little off. I was wearing two different shoes! Too funny not to tell everyone! I had to go around the rest of the day like this. (Yes, I know...I have a pair just like it at home)

Have a giggle at my expense today!

What the hell? A Root Canal is NOT a piece of cake and it DID hurt! The first part was a week ago and while annoying it was bearable. Today and went back for Part 2 and it was freaking awful. Let me say I have a high pain threshold. When my daughter was born I considered the epidural but then they told me it was time to push. In the end I really wondered what the big deal was. I cry at the drop of a hat but never because I am in physical pain. I don't know what the hell kind torture chamber show today was because whatever was being done was unbearable! It was surprised to find myself gulping for air and tears streaming down my face! It wasn't my eyes watering either. I wanted to rip that damn damn off and tell them both of them to stick that drill where the sun don't shine but I knew that I would have a big ass hole in my tooth if I did. At any rate I still have to go back for visit Number 3 for which I was assured would not be as bad. Well, I should bloody well hope not! I have said it before and I will say it again. I hate the dentist!

Recovery. I have been in this state for almost 4 years and I have again realized that I fell away at some point. I am not sure when it happened. I suppose it was when I thought I no longer needed Al Anon. (Al Anon is if you have been affected by someone's drinking.) I thought I had it all figured out and was able to go out on my own. Things went well for a while but I am now back at Step 1.

"We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable."

I feel the same way I did four years ago. I am in the middle of an 8-lane highway and traffic is going by so fast on either side. I want to get out but I can't. I am terrified and overwhelmed. Most of all I am exhausted.

I look at my life and wonder why I choose to live by the same screwed up ways and always make the same wrong and unhealthy choices.

Seriously. I need help. Step 2

"Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity".

Today was such a great day. I took my nauseated body out and went here. There are many reasons why I never want to leave this island. This is one of the reasons. There are dozens of places like this within walking distance in my city. You step off the beaten path with more shopping space per capita than anywhere else in Canada and find paradise.





Not much going on in my world. It is a sad state of affairs when a root canal is the highlight of your week. I am feeling quite rundown and like all of you I wait for Spring. It seems it has been an especially long winter. But the Crocuses are out and Spring is around the corner.

The root canal is over and it wasn't too bad I suppose considering I smelled smoke. The freezing wouldn't take because there was a lot of infection. The antibiotics are making me feel really queasy and I almost lost my lunch today at work but I made it through. I am now going to go have a nap at 5:00 in the afternoon.

Have you ever wanted a root canal? I do and I am counting the hours! My tooth is so sore that I just want to sleep. I am on antibiotics then I will have it done Thursday.

I really don't know what to expect as this is my first one. (I have only ever had one filling about 25 years ago and it is on the same tooth.) At this point I don't care if it is going to be painful. I would have done the Tom Hanks in Castaway at this point if I didn't have dental coverage!

Margaret said..."he was so *not* *in love* with me.

Has anyone else been a victim of this circumstance? I have! It is a terrible feeling to feel love and not have it returned. The ex-boyfriend I spoke of in the last post is a great example. At the time I thought I was in love with him. Now I look back and wonder where my head (or heart?) was! I was crazy about him at the time. He treated me like no man had ever treated me before. He wined and dined me. He took me to the theatre and made me dinners. He took me to expensive resorts and treated me like a queen. I felt love. Or was it?

In the end he broke up with me because he and his ex-girlfriend decided that they were still in love. (They moved in together and eventually married.) I was devastated. I cried for about a month. I could not stop thinking about him and wondered how I could go on without him.

Now, over 3 years later I know it was not love I felt. I was infatuated! I admit, even now, that I cared for him greatly and still do. I hope that he is blissfully happy. But it wasn't love. But at the time I thought it was and I knew he did not feel it for me. I also knew there was nothing I could do to change his feelings. What could I do but wait it out and just enjoy the ride?

I am glad it ended when and the way it did for I am a stronger and (I hope) a more wise woman.

So tell me. Have you ever been in love and the feelings not reciprocated?

Do you ever find yourself thinking about an ex-lover? For some reason I have and it is driving me to distraction. I wasn't with this guy all that long; he ended up marrying his ex-girlfriend and I moved on. I had not even thought of him up until now. Maybe it is the fact that I am single and spring is in the air or maybe I am just a silly woman nursing illusions of an ex but for whatever reason I am thinking about him. I am mostly wondering if he is happy. I hope he is! But I also think about the cool times we had and wonder if I will find a man like that again. I know I was never "in-love"with him but everything was so comfortable. Anyway...what is up with thinking about an ex-partner? {sigh}

Not a whole lot going on in my world. Like most other people we are doing year end at work and CrAzY busy. Just have to get though to the 4th and then it is all good.

You know one thing I don't like about living in Canada? I can't easily order things like this. I want to order this for my kids so we can talk about feelings but it works out to be so expensive! After I pay the exchange, five dollars for a money order, duty and shipping...anyway, it costs a lot. End of tirade.

I am going to go have a bath and not think about ex-boyfriends or a certain client I have a huge crush on. (Story for another time my dear readers, story for another time.)