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Tuesday, June 22, 2004

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I read a very funny blog last week about bras. I started chatting with my son's teacher about the subject about where to get a good one. Apparently she found a store where they measure and fit me for a bra that will be just perfect. I was told by the teacher that they measure cup size by how far your nipple is above your bust line. For example, 1 inch is an A cup, 2 inches is a B cup and so on.
I breast-fed 2 kids (one for two and a half years). I also lost 60 pounds 3 years ago so my boobies are kinda, well...shriveled. So I just have one question about bra fittings. How the hell do they measure your cup size if your nipple is below your bust line?

Monday, June 21, 2004

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I am on day 23 without a day off. I wanted to work but this is ridiculous!

I am leaving on Thursday to go across the country to meet Kevin's family. His nieces worship the ground he treads upon and may decide to make my life miserable if they don't like me! I don't really care of they like me or not but if I am going to spend 10 days without my kids I better have a great time!

I have never been farther east than Alberta! This is a big trip for this Westerner!

After much internal debate about the use of "further" and "farther" I decided to check to see what is the grammatically correct variant. So, for my grammar Nazi blogging friends...

Usage Note: Since the Middle English period many writers have used farther and further interchangeably. According to a relatively recent rule, however, farther should be reserved for physical distance and further for nonphysical, metaphorical advancement. Thus 74 percent of the Usage Panel prefers farther in the sentence If you are planning to drive any farther than Ukiah, you'd better carry chains, and 64 percent prefers further in the sentence We won't be able to answer these questions until we are further along in our research. In many cases, however, the distinction is not easy to draw. If we speak of a statement that is far from the truth, for example, we should also allow the use of farther in a sentence such as Nothing could be farther from the truth. But Nothing could be further from the truth is so well established as to seem a fixed expression.

Friday, June 18, 2004

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I have always been an emotional person. Yes, I cried during the AT&T commercials but I think maybe I am too emotional. Yesterday when I went to pick up the kids from school I saw all the empty cubbies in my daughter's kindergarten class and I started crying. This is it. No more little girl who is with me more often than not. After the summer a new women will have her everyday. Her teacher. Gone are the days of picnics in the middle of the living room while her brother is at school. Gone are the "girlfriend" activities we do. This may sound ridiculous but my kids are my best friends. I feel like my best friend has decided to go be a part of a different crowd now. She has grown up so fast and I feel like I don't remember much of it. Sometimes I have dreams that one day I wake up and my kids are grown and I didn't get to see any of it. I don't know...I really can't explain this heaviness in my heart. Maybe the parents reading my blog can understand. It just happens way too fast doesn't it?

That said I know my kids still need me. At night before bed my daughter still hugs my neck and says she is never going to let go. My son still doesn't mind holding my hand in the schoolyard. They still want to sleep with me and would still rather hang out with me than with their friends.

I guess it comes down to the love I have for them. I thought I knew what love was and then I had my children. My capacity to love grew beyond measure. I am so afraid of losing them and that love being there but they are not.

I suppose crying when I see the empty cubbies is not a bad thing. This love I feel is so precious. It, along with my children is a gift that I never want to lose. So now I will go lie down with my daughter. I will watch her sleep before I have to wake her on this last day of an era.

Thursday, June 17, 2004

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Holy shit it is hot out! 30 C and climbing. Bah! I live in Canada for many reasons and one of the main one is the weather. Granted, where I live it rarely gets below freezing. It rarely snows and when it does everyone takes pictures because we don't see it often. However, I prefer a cooler temperature, around 25 C so this 30 C business is yuuuuuuucky! Ok gripe time over. I love my new job so far. All the other employee's are so nice and helpful. The owner is super and so is the district manager. I think I will like it there.
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I have had no time to blog the last several days. I having been working. LOTS! It sucks right now because I am going from 6 AM to about 9PM but it will slow down after this weekend. I will be working 9 - 5.

Someone sent me this picture and all I have to say is "Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww"!

The white spots on the steps are apple blossom petals. As you may or may not know, deer naturally hide their fawns and go away for awhile. The fawns have no odour yet, and naturally stay absolutely still hoping to be inconspicuous and thus safe. The mom felt she had safely hidden her baby on the brown steps with white spots. The fawn stayed there all morning, and the mom returned for it after 4 or 5 hours.

Saturday, June 12, 2004

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Yay! I just got a call from the place I had been interviewed at on Wednesday and I have been hired. It will be just short of full-time and off everyday at 5:30. (No Sundays!) I can't believe I now have 3 jobs because I didn't think I would even be able to get one. Whoooooo hoooooooooo!!!
I will still be staying on doing the nurse's aide and teacher's aide jobs on my days off from the new one.

Friday, June 11, 2004

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This post is titled, "Damn That Felt Good!"

I was driving to work the other day in the slow lane. I drive there about 90% of the time. I usually stay within 10 K of the limit. The speed limit where I was at was 70 K and I was going close to 80. This bitch comes flying up behind me trying to get in the passing lane but couldn't because someone was right beside me. This cow was about 3 feet from my bumper. (In previous posts I have talked about how much tailgaters piss me off.) I can understand if I am in the passing lane. Ride my ass all you want and I will get out of your way. She was so close I touched the brakes just slightly to give her the warning to back off. She didn't. She kept right on my ass! I got so pissed off I fingered her out my back window! The bag fingers me back but she did finally back off then go into the passing lane. Why do I say "Damn That Felt Good!"? Because a year ago I never would have done that. I would have pulled over and let her go by. Then I would have been angry the rest of the day. Well screw that! I did nothing wrong. The new and improved Bibitty is sick of taking shit from people. Fuck em! I don't give a rat's ass that I may have upset her. It just felt so good to actually do this instead of just wishing I could.
This leads to me to a question. Did any other 30 something women get sick of taking shit from others when they turned 30? I have heard that a lot of women get empowered around this age and the bitch that has been hiding in us comes out after being a good girl for 29 years.

Wednesday, June 09, 2004

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I haven't been blogging because I am now addicted to fishing. The weather here has been beautiful so the kids, K and I have been out sitting on the docks with our lines in the water. Haven't caught a thing but I refuse to give up!

Had another job interview today. If I get this one I will have three jobs. This one is selling wheelchairs, walkers and other devices for people who have lost mobility in some form or another. It isn't commission and for that I am glad. I couldn't, in good conscience sell to people who are vulnerable and in that situation. It would be almost full time. Off at 5:30 everyday. Cool huh? Lots of room for advancement. Here I thought nobody would hire me because I had been a stay at home parent for 8 years!

I have a question. Not being an American I have no clue what goes on there. My question is why do so many Americans hate your leaders so much? I have read several blogs and I don't understand what they do to cause that much anger and hostility. Please. please, please do not answer with anger because I am not at all trying to be controversial, after all I am neither Republican nor Democrat. Merely a baffled person that just doesn't get why people in the U.S.A go to such great lengths to disagree. Yes, most Canadians really don't care for the things that the leaders in Canada do but we haven't reached a point of referring to them with animosity. I mean there are entire websites dedicated to hating George Bush! If all that enthusiasm was geared to making whatever is wrong better a whole hell of a lot would get done. I am sure I am pissing off my American blogging friends and for that I am sorry; it is not my intention.

Now I am off to bed to dream of fishing.

Oh yeah. I love you so much it hurts. How wonderful life is now your in the world. xo

Tuesday, June 08, 2004

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Another cool blogging site! (click here)

Monday, June 07, 2004

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I found this. This site gives hundreds of bloggers tips on colours, borders and centering to name a few.

Saturday, June 05, 2004

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Do you ever have absolutely nothing to blog about? It seems I have a lot of those days. Most days are just mundane stories of my existence. For instance, yesterday we went fishing but still didn't catch anything. We talked to this little Vietnamese man about 4 feet tall that told us what we were doing wrong. He gave us many pointers, some tackle and the Rainbow Trout he had caught! Nice huh? Trout for dinner tonight. I went to work. Thankful that I have a job I love. Came home, went to sleep, woke up, drove an hour to go to work. The man (he is 83) flirted with me and asked me to marry him and move to Las Vegas. I told him I would think about it. Came home, drove Boy-W to another birthday party. Came home, lay down got up and went to get Boy-W then came home again. Now how dull is that? The most exciting thing about this day is I need to restart my computer because the enter key is not working so this is all one paragraph. So what can I say that is even the slightest bit interesting? Not a damn thing! Click here and here for things to do when you are bored.

Thursday, June 03, 2004

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When I first started doing writing this blog in February I started a section called "Questions I Do Not Have the Answer To". For some reason I stopped doing it but I would like to start again. I will post some of the previous questions. If you know the answer please tell me. TY

~Does anyone reading this feel more comfortable telling your story here to total strangers than to your family and friends? Is this your safe place where you can say pretty much whatever is on your heart and mind?

~Should I get another cat?

~Should I confront the asshole that forced me off the road and into a snow bank a few weeks back? I wasn't going fast enough uphill on a very icy road and the prick flies by me in his 4-wheel drive. He is yelling at me and moving towards me so I had to drive off the road. I found out he is a parent at my kids school. I just see his car now and my blood boils. Fucking asshole. I know he knows who I am because I saw him and was trying to place him and he looked away really fast and went the other way.

~Should I key his car? It would give me such satisfaction to take my key down his ugly 4-wheel drive station wagon. Skreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeech.

~Should I just let this one go and just realize he is a shit head and laugh at him in my head every time I see him? Hell just the fact that he owns a 4-wheel drive station wagon is funny enough.

~How long does it take to fall in love?

~When I do fall in love how can I be sure it is real?

~Where are my slippers?

~How is it possible to have 45 socks that don't have a match?

~Why is there 600 pieces of Tupperware in my cupboard and not a single lid matches a container?

~Does your heart ever feel so happy you feel like it will beat right out of your chest?

~Are you ever so incredibly happy that you can think of nothing but a deep and profound thanks to God?

~Did Mother Teresa ever just get sick of being so nice?

~Do I think too much?

~Why are so many old people miserable? And

~Will I get crotchety when I get old?

~Why would anyone pay money to own land on Mars?

~Who owns Mars anyway?

~Will I ever get by these abandonment issues?

~Is there a such thing as a soul mate?

~Why do I worry so much about what others think of me?

~Is boy-W and girl-N going to grow up all screwed up?

~Why is Harriet (my cat) peeing on my bed?

~Why do people feel they need to bring you down when you are so happy?

~Why does it take boy-W 45 minutes to put on socks in the morning?

~Why can't a single item of clothing end up in girl-N's dresser after I have washed, dried and folded them?

~Is the "one"?

~Why would anyone spend $21 on a mug?!

~Am I really getting better or am I still just as whacked as I was a year and a half ago?

~Why can't I sleep at night?

~How long can insomnia last because this has been going on for 10 years. I have not slept more than 4 hours in a row in 10 years. Maybe I should go to one of those sleep clinics.

~Why is there a gold key on my desk and what door is it for?

~Should I get married again? Seriously. I did it once, convinced he was the one. I don't want to go through another divorce but at the same time I love in and want to be his wife. What to do, what to do?

~Is the term "drunk tank" a Canadian term or do American's use it as well?

Wednesday, June 02, 2004

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Thanks Katie for the info on setting up e mail!

Miss. Australia won with Miss. U.S.A as a runner-up.

Tuesday, June 01, 2004

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Can anyone tell me how I set up an e mail link in blogger using a clipart? I have a picture that I want to use with my e mail address but I don't know what to put in my template to make it work. I know. As clear as mud. Again

They have not yet announced the winner of the Miss. Universe Pageant so I am giving my choice before they decide.

Miss. India, in my opinion is absolutely radiant. She is a natural beauty. She is petite everywhere; nothing implanted on her. She glows. When I first saw her I actually gasped! I hope she wins! (Click on "Miss India" to see her.)
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It is one of those days when I have woken up feeling crappy. I feel like life is so damn big and I have no control over any of it.

My ex-husband is threatening me. I have debt that I can't even pay the interest on. I don't know where my kids are going to go to school next year. And of course, I feel guilty for all the stupid decisions I have made over the last few years.

It is one of those days where I feel like I have been running a marathon and I look up to see I haven’t even left the starting line. Life feels too big to deal with today.
I guess a lot of this is after effects (or is it affects?) of Nana dying. I still miss her so much I feel I may become ill at times. I have a picture of her on my computer of her holding me when I was 3 months old. She looks so happy; I look blissfully content. Now that I am writing this I am crying again. I want this feeling to go away and I want to feel that feeling everyone tells me will come. I am told after awhile I will just feel her memory and I won't hurt this much. I don't know. I am always going to want her back and I can't imagine the pain being any less. I know she wouldn't want me to feel so sad but just that thought makes me even more sad. She was one of those people in my life that loved me %100, all the time, no matter what. That type of person does not just come along everyday.

I love more everyday. He has become my rock. I have never relied on someone like this before. At times it scares the shit out of me because if he ever were all of a sudden not be in my life I would crumble. I seriously do not know if it is right to love and depend on a person for so much support. I feel keeping someone at arms length is a good thing so I never have to deal with a loss so great that I can't function. I guess after being married to someone that was so unsupportive I just learned to deal with life this way. I hear of couples that are still in love and I wonder how much they depend on their spouse/partner. I just figure everyone keeps distance in a relationship.

I don't want this though. I want to allow myself to feel the safety of K's arms and not question it. I don't want to have to stand-alone anymore. He is the first man that has offered this to me; no strings attached. He wants me to trust him. The thing is I do trust him. I just can't seem to get past this barrier that I have created to protect myself. Maybe it is time to go back to counselling. (This blog isn't titled My Insanity Written in a Blog for no reason.)

I still have an hour before I have to wake the kids for school so I am going to have a hot bath.
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