Tell me this? What kind of mother does not have any money in the house for when her child looses a tooth? This one! Let me say that this is not her first tooth. In fact it has been wiggly for a couple of weeks so I should have been prepared. Tonight the inevitable happened and the tooth fell out. I had nothing to leave under the poor child's pillow. I further demoted myself by coming up with really great reasons why she should wait until tomorrow. I told her we could make a letter for the tooth fairy and a little purse for her to carry the tooth in. Girl-N would have none of it. She put the tooth under her pillow and rushed off to bed to wait the arrival of the wee fairy. At this point I am scrounging through the computer desk drawers and my wallet. I came up with a grand total of 9 cents. I lowered myself further by looking in the kid's piggy banks. Empty. It is now late and both kids are in bed so I go to the drawer that I affectionately call the junk drawer. It is full of every piece of junk imaginable. Old greeting cards, a dog leash (I don't own a dog), felt pads for furniture to stop the floors from being scratched, incense, keys that lost their lock...never mind, here is a picture!

It is like an "I Spy" book nightmare! I spy a dinosaur and a bumblebee, a bright yellow bow and glue sticks 3!

Anyway, back to my story. I am in a panic and considering calling my mom and dad to run some change over. I dig through the drawer hoping to find at least a dollar! Then what to my searching eyes appear? A baggie full of American money! (I am Canadian.) I was so excited I could barely contain myself! I pulled out a handful of change and tiptoe into her bedroom where she is snoring her quiet little girl snore and love washes over me. She is such a precious child and who still fervently believes in the tooth fairy. Thank you God for getting me through this one!

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Month end at work and I barely got anything accomplished today at work. Oh well, what doesn't get done can always stored (hidden) under my desk.
Not much going else on. Baby-no-name is still without a name. (Please dear Heavenly Father let them name her a nice name. Amen.) My kids are at their dad's tonight and I should be partying it up but instead I think I will just go to the library then Wal Mart. Damn! I rock!

Update
Yes indeedy I went to the library and checked out some books. My inner nerd adores the library. Where else can you get things for free? If you don't like it bring it back! It you do like it keep it 3 more weeks! And Books people! Books!

I then went to Wal Mart and shuffled around like a good crazy single cat lady. Here is what I bought.

• meat thermometer (because mine "overheated" and never fully recovered)
• rubber spatula (because I burnt the end off of the one I had)
• metal spatula (because mine rusted. Ok I burnt the plastic end)
• 2 packages of plastic spoons (because my kids take my wedding china to school and pawn it for juice boxes)
• The Crocodile Hunter book for my son. (because he likes things like that and I know it will make him happy.)
• Hershey's Kisses (because I have PMS.)
• Set of 2 blue Pyrex dishes (because all my other pans have burn marks on them.)
• Bag of jalepeno chips (because I have PMS)
• Bottle of Coke (because I have PMS damnit!)

I have been joking about having PMS and was surfing to see what hopes are out there to relieve what ails me. Are these people freaking serious! Drinking herbal tea? Avoiding caffeine and salt? Obviously this shit was written by a man or some nuts and granola woman that doesn't shave her legs. I would take chocolate from small children at Christmas if the craving came over me and if you put that herbal bullshit tea anywhere near me you are going to be wearing it. The only cure is chocolate.

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2 days until Barbara's period (God save us all.)

Not much going on today. Day off and I am doing nothing, though I should be cleaning the pigsty I call a home. I am feeling angry today because I read something my asshole of an ex-boyfriend wrote. He wrote in a personal ad (at American Singles) that he has learned "not to rush into things because you may miss the warning signs". Seeing as how I am the only long-term relationship he has ever had (he is 43) I know he was talking about me. So KEvin, just in case you are reading this here is what I have to say to that. YOU are the one that gave me your fucking house key a week after we met. Do you know how weird that was? YOU are the one that came over to my house every freaking day and didn't give me any space! And another thing..."Nice guys" don't fucking break up with their girlfriend on Mother's Day after her mom was diagnosed with Cancer! You said the "passion" was gone. Well welcome to the real fucking world of relationships asshole! True love withstands the times when there is no "passion" as you call it. I actually hate you after reading that. Give up the "woe is me, nice guys finish last" routine! You are single because you don't have what it takes to be in a long term relationship.

Now back to our regular scheduled programming.

Honestly, I don't like having feelings like that. Not because there is anything wrong with anger but because it takes away from my own spirit. Anger is a natural and real emotion and sometimes we just have to go with it instead of pushing it down within ourselves. Anger is not an emotion I feel very often. When I do I am surprised by the intensity of it. Today I am going to allow myself the feeling of anger and hope it isn't as intense tomorrow.

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Baby No Name is still without a name. I must say I really don't like the names they have thrown by me. Stevie and Scarlett. {sigh} I suppose I will get used to those names. I know for sure that I love her to pieces and I can't wait for her to come home.

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In regards to my post about lack of comments. Of course I can't name names but I was talking about bloggers that I have been reading for 9 months or more and I have never had a reciprocal comment. (Not even one.) I have grown to care about these people. A lot. Maybe I offended these ladies in some way with a comment at one point. I sure hope not! I would like to be able to say that these people are just being insensitive but I know that is not the case. I know them by their posts and they are truly lovely ladies. I have read their comments on other peoples posts so I know they do comment. Whatever their reasons I will continue to read. I don't know. Maybe it is just me and my PMS. Maybe I should start putting a counter up on my blog so you will all know when to say, "Barbara, take a Midol, go to bed and post again in the morning".

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Barbara's PMS Counter

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3 days until her period!

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This afternoon I tried this to try to get my kids to clean bedroom. It actaully worked!

Is it just me or...

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do I suck? Or does it happen to you as well? I leave comments on blogs and on some of them I never get a reply. Not a "thanks for commenting", a reciprocal comment or an e mail. Some of these blogs I have been reading for a while now and nada! I wish I could just leave but I have actually come to care about what happens in these people's lives.

Ok just to clarify. I am talking about people that have never, not even once left a comment or an e mail. Never. Ever.

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I just realized today that my hair is finally long enough to brush again. It is still very short! I have been wearing it spiked and get lots of compliments on it. Would I shave it again to raise money for cancer? Yes! Would I shave it again just for fun? Not in this lifetime!

Update
It's a girl! Born at 10:40. 5 pounds 11.5 ounces! My little niece!

She is still without a name and going to be spending the first week or so in intensive care but her oxygen levels are good. She was not 4 weeks but 6 weeks early. She is so beautiful. I love her already!

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Another Update:

When my mom called to tell me that my sister had gone into labour I thought she was 6 weeks early but my mom insisted that she was 4 weeks early. Well it turns out I was correct and this wee one was indeed 6 weeks early. She is having problems breathing and had to be airlifted to Victoria. Please keep her in your prayers. She doesn't have a name yet but God will know who you are talking about!

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Another Update

Little Girl (the name I have given her for now) arrived by helicopter at the hospital. She was put in isolation in the pediatric ICU and given and given a nurse that looks after her exclusively. She is doing much better and is stable. She still does not have a name! Keep praying for this wee one. (She is not even 13 inches!)

This is such a silly waste of time...and so funny!

http://www.infinitecat.com/index.html

Update: My cat Norbert was just added!

Welcome to My 9 - 5!

or

Scraping the Bottom of the Barrel for Posts.

I actually work 8:30 to 5:00 everyday but 9 - 5 sounded better. This is my desk and this is the shit on my desk. This is what I stare at everyday.

1. My light for Seasonal Affective Disorder.
2. Tim Horton's coffee...always.
3. My pen labeled with my name because everyone steals my pens.
4. Stool to put my feet on because my feet don't reach the ground.
5. Picture my daughter drew.
6. Pictures of my kids.
7. My office supplies. Everything is labeled with my name because the office of full of thieves!
8. Damn phone that always has 4 - 6 lines ringing.
9. Coffee stains.
10. Coffee stains.
11. That would be another coffee stain.
12. Notebook soaked with...coffee stains.
13. Underneath picture from daughter is a filing box full of filing I have not got to yet. Boss knows it is there but she doesn't question me on it.

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I heart Cats

I have come to realize I am no longer a dog person. I used to love them but ever since I was bit I avoid them and am actually afraid of them now. I never used to like cats until I owned one and now I want more! My first cat Harriet was such a good cat. Now I have Norbert and just love him. He is so sweet and cute and is there anything sweeter than being awoken in the middle of the night by kitten purring? I think not. I think I may just stay single forever and become a crazy cat lady.

A few weeks back I met a girl that came into my office needing hospital equipment because her mom was palliative. Upon further conversation I learned that her mom had Ovarian Cancer. Her mom was the same age as my mom and she was just a few years younger than I. She was noticeably pregnant. I spoke with her for a long time and learned that she was expecting her first baby in November and her mom was not expecting to make it long enough to see her first and only grandchild. She left the store and I went into an upstairs office and wept for her and her mom. I have been praying ever since that God would extend her life by 6 weeks so she could share the experience of her first baby with her mom. I found out yesterday that her mom passed away September 9th.

My heart hurts for this young woman that is going through the most amazing experience and her mom is gone.

My mom was there to show me how to bath my son. She was there when I was so tired that I couldn't even get up to get myself some juice. She was there to make me supper, do my laundry and clean my house while I shuffled around in sweats the first several weeks as a new mom.

More importantly she has been here while I learned the most amazing love a person can experience, the love of a parent. I learned how much she loves me.

I try not to question God. But I do. This mother and daughter were obviously very close and I know she needs her mom. It won't be the same thing when well meaning aunts or her mother in-law come by to lend a hand after she gives birth in November. She needs her mom!

It causes me to see how very thankful I am to have my mom. It also causes me to see how desperately scared of losing her I am. The statistics for Ovarian Cancer are not good. I still feel like that little girl that got lost in Sears when I was 4. Life without my mom close by frightens me. I still feel like I am 4 not 34!

I am trying not to jump ahead. She may be in the 15% that beats this insidious disease. I hope and I pray that she will be around until she is 90 and driving me crazy wanting me to take her to lunch and calling me and forgetting the reason for she called. I want her to grow old with my dad because they are still crazy in love with each other!

Anyway, that is all. Needed to write.

It is amazing the things that can happen in a short amount of time. Take Nice Guy at Party guy. There would have been a time when I overlooked the drug use and made excuses for him. A good co-dependent girl does that. I was that girl. I have made excuses for boyfriends draining my bank account to obtain alcohol. I have made excuses for boyfriends passing out in my bed. I have made excuses for the abuse and the neglect. I have spent hours upon hours crying when he didn't call or ditched me while we were out.

So what has changed? The start for me was Al Anon. I discovered that it is not only the alcoholic that needs treatment. I spent hundreds of hours in church basements and rec. centres telling my story but more importantly hearing the stories of others. I learned that my crazy behavior described above was not "normal" but typical of a co-dependent touched by alcohol.

Am I disappointed that Nice Guy at Party turned out to be a druggie? Yes. Very much so. We really hit it off and in all other aspects he really is a nice guy. But I won't compromise again. I deserve more and I deserve better.

If you have read this post and it has struck a cord, you can find an Al Anon group in your area by going here.

Call it jinxing myself or call it fate. I would probably call it a God Thing. The aforementioned guy I met seems to have a dark spot on his record. More specifically he deals drugs. Maybe I am just quirky and not "hip" but that is not the type of person I see myself dating. From what I understand his parents have a grow-op. Nice. He deals it and smokes it himself. I have strong opinions about few things and drugs is one of them. So scratch Nice Guy at Party.

Now what is up with sore nipples? I am not pregnant or PMS'ing but my nipples hurt.

Okay. I am not writing this post because I am afraid I will jinx it. After you read this you didn't read it.
I met someone! I went to a party through work on Sunday NOT expecing anything to happen because it supposed to be all couples and there he was! I am not going to say much. Only downside is he lives on mainland and I on the Island. He is coming to see me this weekend and I can't wait! Yay!
Now you did not just read that. Erase it from your memory.

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From Ms. Q. Go say hi to her. She is cool!

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A - Accent: Canadian with a teeny, tiny lisp when I am tired.

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B - Bra Size: push-up 34-B.

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C - Chore you hate: Putting away the laundry.

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D - Dad's name: Donald Louis.

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E - Essential make-up: moisturizer, foundation, mascara and lip gloss.

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F - Favorite perfume: allergic!

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G. - Gold or silver: gold.

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H - Hometown: Somewhere on an Island.

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I - Insomnia: Used to have it before I started light therapy.

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J - Job Title: Inside Sales Rep.

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K - Kids: The Boy-9, The Girl-7.

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L - Living arrangements: Me. Two kids, a cat , a gerbil, and a fish.

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M - Mom's birthplace: British Columbia

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N - Favorite Noldo: I don’t know what that is.

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O - Overnight hospital stay: Just with the birth of my kids.

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P - Phobia: My kids being abducted.

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Q - Favorite quote: Not really a quote… “Whatever you have done to the least of these, you have done it unto me.” Matthew 25:40

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R - Religious affiliation: Born again Christian. Presbyterian by denomination.

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S - Siblings: A brother 36, a sister 30 and a brother that passed away when he was 9.

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T – Time you wake up: 7:00.

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U - Unnatural hair colors: all the way! Too much grey.

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V - Vegetable you refuse to eat: Turnips and Parsnips.

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W - Worst habit: Playing with my hair.

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X - X-rays: I think I have only had them on my teeth.

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Y - Yummy foods you make: Salsa or roasted garlic hummus.

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Z - Zodiac sign: the fish

I don't have cable T.V. and don't listen to the radio so I am way behind the rest of the world in what is happening in the south. (Please do not take offence when I say) Why can't the most prosperous country on the face of the earth help their own? Americans are always talking about One Nation Under God and all I see is division and hatred. I don't understand. Get the freaking soldiers out of Iraq and get them home protecting the innocent and bringing the most basic of necessities to the people that need it now. Your leader (Bush) makes me ill.

I love all of you, my American readers and friends but I shake my head at what is happening. I hope I have not offended any of you. It is not a judgment on you as individuals. (((hugs)))