I know, I know. I post far too many pictures of my cat but this one is just a part of what can happen when you buy a dollhouse for your daughter and try to put it together yourself.
The box should have a warning like you see on the side of medications.

"The assembly of this dollhouse may cause fits of rage, hair loss, eye twitches, blurting out of obscenities, uncontrollable shaking, panic, blurred vision, vertigo, rapid heart beat, nausea, headache and extreme fatigue. If any of these symptoms don't subside do not smash the house into pieces. Seek medical attention. The manufacturers of this dollhouse accept no responsibility for your actions and accept no liability when you take a hammer to it."

I kid you not. This thing came with about 12,000 pieces. After about 3 hours I gave up and had a nap and slept for a solid 2 hours. I came back refreshed and it took about another 2. The kids and the cat (thinking it was being built for him) did not help. When I finally finished we had to go to buy 6 aaa batteries, not included of course to make the doorbell and lights work. There were a few leftover pieces but I just pushed them under the couch.

This morning while in my car I was sitting at a light waiting to go through an intersection. The light changed and the lady beside me in the lane to turn left decided to go straight and almost side-swiped me. I was so mad that I yelled out the open window, "What the f*** do you think you're doing?" First, let me say I don't make it a habit to use words like that. Second of all, I have never used words like that in front of my kids. But there they were. Sitting in the back seat with their mouths agape. I was absolutely shocked with myself! I was quiet for a moment and pondered whether or not they heard me. (They had to, the entire intersection probably heard me.) I then meekly apologized to their innocent ears. I told them that was a bad word and not one they should ever use. I then rethought and told them that sometimes we do say bad words when we get angry or frustrated but we should try to avoid such language. They didn't say much. I wonder if they told this tidbit for Show and Tell?

19, 997. That is how many hits I have had. Please say hi if you come by and I will let you know who is # 20,000! Weeeeee! (I know, I need to get out more.)

(Please don't ruin it by hitting refresh.)

This is a good time to come out and say hi if you are a lurker.

*sigh* I saw the coupon in a magazine at the dentist office. I knew I didn't need more Tampax, I have not even opened the box I have! (See Tampax incident from a few posts back.) It was just silly to even think about getting more. But it was 2 for 1 and the coupon was expiring in 5 days. So I took it. (I asked the dentist lady first.) And I bought two more packages. I am now the proud owner of 180 (assorted absorbency) Tampax.

What do you think of the new picture at the top of my blog? I say it is proof that my cat is indeed evil and waiting to kill me! Look at those eyes! Look at how he lies in wait to pounce unawares.

You all know I secretly adore my cat. He is too cute for words and I adore him from his fuzzy nose to the tip of his stripey tail.

I am still fighting a cold. I went to bed this afternoon to rest for a few minutes and woke up 2 1/2 hours later. I find I can take natural cold remedies and I never actually get the cold but get very tired. I used to take a lot of over the counter medications but they would make me feel so spacey that I stopped taking them. I guess tired is better than spacey.

OK! I am off for a hot bath then bed.

I just received a very wonderful gift today from a beautiful blogging friend named Laura. Laura lives almost as far as one Canadian can live from another. (She is in New Brunswick and I on Vancouver Island.) She and I decided to do a gift exchange and she sent me the BEST sock monkey in the world! Her name is Adelia and she has on the cutest sock monkey dress and bloomers. She even has earrings!

Thank you Laura. (((Hugs)))

I haven't set her down since I took her out of the box. It was love at first sight!

I am getting a cold. I have been taking very good care of myself but I feel it coming on. Sore throat. Achy. Weak and tired. I have loaded up on Echinacea, Vitamin C and Oil of Oregano. I am going to go have a hot bath and go to bed early. Sick be gone! Gone I say!

This morning really felt like Fall. It was cold out. The wind from the north had a bite to it and I was thankful for a hot drink at work.

Mornings are always a fun time where I work as are lunch breaks. This afternoon we were all laughing so hard that I thought one guy was going to choke. I am glad to say that I don't hate my job. I kinda like it. I like my coworkers that know they can get a rise out of me by telling me off-colour jokes. I like the wonderful mother figures I work with that listen to me and tell me that I am doing a good job. I like that someone makes coffee around 3:30 and lets me know that 'fresh coffee is on' even though I rarely drink it. I like that the manager buys me post-its that represent the seasons. (hearts, trees) I like that the bosses listen to my ideas. I like even more that they let me be creative and I don't have to ask permission to make changes. I like the girl in accounting that swears and is rough around the edges. I like the guy in receiving that laughs at my jokes. I like the elevator guy who always has a joke to tell.

I know. It is just a job. But I spend more time with these people than my own family. I need to like what I am doing and who I am with. I am thankful. I am thankful.

What are you thankful for?

(The picture up there is off the web. That is yours truly on the right. I have blocked out the name of the company in case any psycho's want to attack me in the parking lot after work!)

I think my life has come down to thinking about posts to write in my blog. Seriously. It is a sad state of affairs.

This moring while reading blogs I felt a presence that was not human. I was being watched. Sure enough I was. Norbert was staring at me. I looked over and he didn't blink. He just started. Weird cat.


Today I went to a place downtown that promotes literacy. It is in a rather seedy part of town and you have to ring a bell to get in. When the nice lady answered I felt like I was being let into a Speakeasy. Anyway, I digress. This place is the cornocopia of used books. They are not crappy books either! My eyes glazed over and I lost control as I loaded my arms with books. I left paying $25.00 for about 10 books.


Is it just me or does anyone else think these are adorable?

I found these dear kitties and liked them so much I bought 4 sets. If anyone likes them e-mail me and let me know and I will send them to you (free!) I have to know you through blogging and you have to be Canadian (too expensive to send across the border). I was actaully going to ask Ellen & Curtis or Leslie but I didn't want you thinking I was a freak. I have 3 sets. First 3 people get them. (Note- Dust (cough) on phone not included.)

Do you want to know what I just did? I got so mad at Blogger I actually growled, closed my eyes and scrunched up my fists and shook them. (Not a normal Barbara reaction to rage.) This new Beta version is absolute garbage. I wouldn't have downloaded it if they would have told me before that I wouldn't be able to comment on blogs unless they had the Beta version too! I had to create a whole damn new account and that wouldn't publish. I had all sorts of words coming from my mouth. Let's just say it is a good thing the kids are asleep.

~~~~~~

In Other News/To Further Prove my Insanity

Have you ever had a dream that you were dreaming and in the dream you were trying to wake up from the dream? Yeah. I know. It was weird.

The feeling of being small (3 or 4) and watching The Friendly Giant and Mr. Dressup. Of course it was always followed by Sesame Street.

If you have the time take, a walk down a part of a Canadian child's morning (10:15 - 12:00) in the 70's and 80's.

The Friendly Giant
Mr. Dressup
Sesame Street with The Alligator King, The Ladybug Picnic, and Number 9 Cutie were my favourites.

It was followed by a lunch made by my mom. (Campbell's Tomato Soup and a Grilled Cheese Sandwich.) Then the worst part of a preschoolers life. A Nap.
Tell me about your Canadian memories.

(Thank you to my Canadian friend Hillary for the link!)

One of the many things I've learned in Al Anon was to never make a decision when I am feeling

Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired.

Tonight I am feeling 3 out of the 4 but I all it will take is for a telemarketer to call and I will be 4 for 4. When I feel this way I HALT!

I have never learned to deal well with some areas of life but I am glad I can at least recognize what I am feeling. For years I pushed emotions and feelings aside because I thought I wasn't entitled to feel a certain way. How silly is that thinking?

Tonight I am doing some self-care. I had a hot bath and I am going to be early with a snack. I am going to read until I fall asleep.

Do you do self care?

I cleaned out my very messy closet today. It was my day off and I set my 'to do' list with only one thing. To clean out my closet. I found all manner of clothing in there! The most interesting was underwear from my th*ng underwear phase. I can tell you right out that I did not find it comfortable as the th*ng wearing population attests too. I did keep a cute red pair with matching br@ just in case I ever meet someone, fall in love and feel like sharing that part of me again. *sigh* Lately I don't think that will ever happen. A girl has to have hope I suppose.
~
I have a secret. An embarrassing one. My son is bringing homework home that I don't know how to do. It isn't hard stuff either. It is just Grade 5 math. However, I have a learning disability in math and I am horrible at it. I compensate for this in language arts. In college I received 100 % in the entrance exam. But I digress. I suck at math. I had to tell his teacher today that I am not able to help him. I have called a tutor and have an assessment next week. My son's very nice teacher gave me a book that goes over everything that is needed to get through grade 5. I am glad he was nice about it because I was mortified.

I hate 9/11. My lack of posting about today is not because I don't care. On the contrarty. This day altered my life in so many ways. It is too painful to write about. I do remember. I wish I could forget.

It seemed like a good idea at the time. Buying a huge box of Tampax that is. I brought the massive box that was too big to fit in a bag. I didn't care! I am a liberated woman and I am not embarrassed! Well...I am. Sort of. These babies are anything but discreet. My only problem now is where do I keep 100 tampons plus a free box of pantiliners?

Please! Anyone! I would like to know how I can move my sidebar over so it does not take up half the page! Grrr! I have been messing around with the numbers for an hour. I would like the side bar down right without that huge amount of free space to the right of it. I would also like my posts to be margined more to the left. Help!

I don't know how many times I have spoken about my divorce. It still bring such unbelievable pain even four years later. When I speak to other people who have been through a divorce it seems to be a happy event torn with anger. For me it is a deeply sad event torn with times of deep regret and pain.

I made the decision to leave. I made some decisions that I did not understand at the time and I understand even less today. I know I hurt him deeply. And I hate myself for it. I just know that the love that was there had vanished and I was left feeling empty and lonely. When all the decisions were made and he moved out I wondered what I had done but I just did not have any feelings that a wife should have. I never wanted to get back together. For the sake of our children I tried but I couldn't do it.

It has been over 4 years and I still weep with regret and what could have been. I failed him and our children.

The best words that describe the ache that still constantly surrounds my heart are the words by Gordon Lighfoot.

~

If you could read my mind love

What a tale my thoughts could tell

Just like an old time movie

bout a ghost from a wishin well

In a castle dark or a fortress strong

With chains upon my feet

You know that ghost is me

And I will never be set free

As long as Im a ghost that you cant see

If I could read your mind love

What a tale your thoughts could tell

Just like a paperback novel

The kind that drugstores sell

When you reach the part where the heartaches come

The hero would be me

But heroes often fail

And you wont read that book again

Because the endings just too hard to take

Id walk away like a movie star

Who gets burned in a three way script

Enter number two

A movie queen to play the scene

Of bringing all the good things out in me

But for now love, lets be real

I never thought I could act this way

And Ive got to say that I just dont get it

Idont know where we went wrong

But the feelins gone

And I just cant get it back

If you could read my mind love

What a tale my thoughts could tell

Just like an old time movie

bout a ghost from a wishin well

In a castle dark or a fortress strong

With chains upon my feet

But stories always end

And if you read between the lines

Youll know that Im just tryin to understand

The feelins that you lack

I never thought I could feel this way

And Ive got to say that I just to get it

I dont know where we went wrong

But the feelins gone

And I just cant get it back