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Tuesday, May 31, 2005

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And another day passes. Not much going on today. Went to work blah, blah, blah. Apparently one of the guy's at work had a umm...dream about me. And like any work place, when you tell anyone something about another co-worker it gets back to the person you were talking about. I was embarrassed! One thing about my work place, gossip gets spread very, very fast. If I forget to initial a document everyone knows by lunchtime.

The kids are at their dad's tonight and I am trying to decide what to have to dinner and if I should open the bottle of homemade wine that has been sitting in my cupboard since December.

Monday, May 30, 2005

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It is past my bedtime but I will post a quick yet boring entry. Worked today. Always exciting! Answered a few hundred phones. Dealt with pissed off clients. Dealt with nice clients. Carted crap up and down the stairs because the elevator was broken. Started to file 500 documents but hid them in "Barbara's Bin O'Madness" instead. (The boss knows about the bin.) OK, enough about work. It was work!

I received a very generous donation that flew me past my goal. I hit $845.00 for the Relay this evening. I feel confident I will probably end up close to $900.00 when it comes time to shave my head! $900.00 to shave my head to remember my Nana, to honour my mom, to remember those that have lost the fight and for those who will be stricken with the disease. (One in three of us will. 1/3!!) It is going to be worth it.

Sunday, May 29, 2005

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The weather can be very unpredictable living here on Vancouver Island. We had a storm this weekend that left thousands of people unprepared. The BC government has called a state of emergency. A friend sent me the following picture of the devastation that hit her yard. Advance warning. The picture is graphic and not for the faint of heart. Click here. It will likely takes months to clean up the mess.

Saturday, May 28, 2005

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I was mistaken the other day when I said I had reached my goal for the Relay for Life! I was looking at the wrong spot on the website and I miscalculated. *sigh* Anyway, I have now hit my goal of $500.00! I have now raised my goal to $750.00 and I feel quite confident I will raise that too. If I am going to shave my head I want to make a good chunk of cash for the cancer society. 13 days and counting...

Tonight is date night. For me and my son! I am taking him to see Madagascar and out for pizza. He is the best date I have had in a very long time. Actually, he is the best date I have had ever. Speaking of dating I have decided something. I have decided to go one full year without dating. I am needing to find out more about myself. I have finally reached a point in my life where I do not feel the need to have a man in my life. (Only took 34 years.) So I will spend this next year working on a relationship with myself. I think the benefits will not be able to be counted. I expect it to be lonely at times, but lonely is not the end of the world. I want to see if I can do this.

***Update-Took The Boy to see Madagascar. Weak story line that's only saving grace was the celebrity voices. At the end of the movie I was wondering what the point was. I know it was a kids movie but at least a lesson is learned in most of them. Decent animation and a few chuckles but overall I would not recommend going to the theatre to see this one. Wait until it comes out on video. I would give this movie a 6/10. The Boy gives it 7/10.***

Friday, May 27, 2005

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Day off today. Yay for days off! I can't type much tonight because I burnt my hand while making dinner. It hurts !

It was an uneventful day. Went with my mom to one of her appointments. Took The Girl to an appointment. Took kids their school lunches because they forgot them at home. Wandered into a consignment store and spent close to $100.00. I know some people hate used clothing but I love it. I got 3 capri pants and 7 tops. All were name brand and in excellent condition. The lady who runs the store only takes clothing that is in new condition. I have become quite addicted to buying second hand and wonder why anyone would spend so much money on new clothing. Such as the mindset of a single and broke mom. If I was to buy new it would be crap from Zellers and whenever I buy clothes from there it falls apart or buttons fall off. Anyone out there prefer the consignment store stuff too?

Thursday, May 26, 2005

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A day of nothing great to write about. Went to work, told co-workers jokes not appropriate to the workplace (they laughed), filed a few hundred documents, answered a few hundred phone calls, flirted with a hottie co-worker (again) and came home.

Flirting in the workplace. This guy has been flirting with me for several months now but I didn't ever flirt back because I was in a relationship. Now that I am "single" I have decided to have fun with it. Hottie co-worker flirts with me and I play the game. It has become quite steamy at times! He walks by me when I am in the office and makes sure he puts his hand on me while he says excuse me. A few days back I was helping him find some orthopedic devices and he had his hand on the back of my bare arm. Sounds so silly but I was going out of my skin! I wanted to jump on him right there. The rest of the day I was umm...distracted.

So what is your opinion of workplace flirting? Harmless fun or dangerous liaison? Maybe somewhere in between?

Update-Just a note to add because you are all so nice and concerned about my well-being. It is harmless on every way. I would never in a million years let it go beyond just flirting. Also, I watch what I say and keep all comments rather light so as to never have him try to have a s#xual harrassment case against me. Thank you for your concerns! (((hugs)))

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

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Yay! I had a $500.00 goal for the Relay for Life and I hit it today. I guess I kept it low because I didn't think I would make it. Everyone at work has promised to sponsor me so I am guessing I will hit about $750.00. Yee haw! Some of you have mentioned that you would like to donate. If you are from the USA please go over to Kari's site and donate there. She is doing the relay too. If you are Canadian and want to donate e mail me at and I will give you the information.

Tomorrow is my day off but I have to work. Blah. I am going to ask the boss if I can leave early. I think she will let me because I made the company a crap load of money today. Some days it would be nice to be on commission!

All I can say about
this is "good"!

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

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**Gasp!** I just realized I didn't do the Tuesday Kvetch! So here goes.

1. People at work who use my desk on my days off and leave it in a mess and take things and never return them!

2. I have the beginning of Carpal Tunnel Syndrome and I have to wear a very ugly brace. I refuse to wear it during the day. I will only wear it to bed. (I will admit, to my chagrin, that the pain goes away when I use it.)

That is all for today. Your turn to kvetch! (If you don't see this on Tuesday but feel the need to kvetch go for it. Doesn't have to be Tuesday)

Monday, May 23, 2005

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Sitting in front of my light trying to wake up. It is a long weekend here so I don't have to work today. Yay!

Weather forecast calls for rain so I am not sure what we are up to today. Need to get out of the house before I go daffy. Days like this are such a drag. I know I want to do something but I can't think of anything I want to do.

Sunday, May 22, 2005

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The Tooth Fairy visited here last night and she left sparkles all over the place. They were all over the living room and under The Girl's pillow. She also left money of course but The Girl was far more excited about the sparkles!

Went to church this morning and now we are home. This church starts so early! I am used to churches starting around 11:00 but this one starts at 9:15. We have gone to church, come home and started lunch before most churches even start. Kind of nice.

Had cable installed this week and I am already wondering why. TV is so boring. I know many are interested in the new reality television shows but I find them boring. I can barely keep track of what is going on in my own life! I do love Seinfeld. I can answer any Seinfeld trivia question thrown at me. Go ahead! I dare you! At any rate the countdown to uninstalling cable begins. It just isn't worth the money. I would rather go ride my bike!

And because I have been tagged numerous times but too busy up until now...

Catherine tagged with a Meme. This is how it works. I will answer five of the questions below. In return, I will tag three people who will highlight, copy and paste into their blogs who will answer five questions below and pass it on to three other bloggers.

If I could be a scientist...
If I could be a painter...
If I could be a doctor... I would probably end up being sued for malpractice because I can be a real airhead.
If I could be a farmer... I would end up keeping all the animals as pets because I could never kill any of them.
If I could be a gardener...
If I could be a missionary...
If I could be a lawyer...
If I could be an athlete...
If I could be an innkeeper...
If I could be a professor... I would drown Gilligan for screwing up every attempt I came up with to get off the island!
If I could be a writer...
If I could be a llama rider...
If I could be a bonnie pirate...
If I could be an astronaut...
If I could be a world famous blogger…
If I could be a justice on any one court in the world...
If I could be married to any one famous political figure...

I can't think of 5 so that is all. Since I don't know anyone that hasn't done this yet I won't tag anyone.

Saturday, May 21, 2005

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Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam...

As I was leaving work today I heard car horns honking and my first thought is why would anyone in their right mind want to get married. I have come to a point in my life where I seriously doubt that true love exists. I joke about finding a man but in all seriousness I am not even interested in even dating. I am not so bitter as to believe that all men are assholes. On the contrary. I like men. I just don't see the benefit of having one in my life right now. I can do almost anything on my own that may require a man. I can change my own oil and brakes on my car. I can shoo a spider outside and fix a leaky faucet.

Maybe I am bitter. I don't know. I just feel a tremendous amount of relief since Kevin and I broke up. I have more time to spend with my kids and more time to spend with my mom and dad. My house work is all caught up. I am not feeling any of the pressure that I was feeling when I was dating.

At 34 I have finally arrived at a point in my life where I am very content to be single but now I am wondering if there is something wrong with me. Seems I am damned if I do and damned if I don't.

Friday, May 20, 2005

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My cat is famous!

Go here and type in Angus in the search box.

incidentally, this site is hilarious so sit down and check out the other cats.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

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I have an even less interesting post than yesterdays too many staples post. Day off work. Got up early to take the kids to school. Came home and went back to bed. Went to the dentist. I hate going to the dentist but perhaps I will leave that post for another time.

I am getting scared about shaving my head (at the Relay for Life) and I am thinking maybe it is not such a great idea after all. After all the hoopla is over I am going to be stuck with short hair for a few years. Short as in you look like a boy. I don't want to look like a boy! Right now my hair is slightly past my shoulders and wavy. I like my hair right now. However, I am going to do it, I will not back out because this is something I really believe in. Quite certain that not a single man in his right mind is going to be interested in a bald woman that looks like a boy so I can definitely throw out meeting a man. (Not that I am looking!)

OK, off to get my beautiful kids from school.

I am going to look like a boyyyyyyyyyyyy!


This evening I went to a seminar put on by this company. Not to bad. Free food. Learned a lot. Wore Staple jewelry and got lots of comments. Came home with a Nanaimo Bar in my bag. I am going to make a great old lady!

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

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The post you are about to read tells you how exciting my life is.

Staples. Great invention but why do some of the people I work with feel the need to add a staple every time a new sheet is added to a package. They also staple note upon note on the document package too. All you need to do is take out the existing staple them staple all the new documents together! I am guessing that everyday at work I take out on average of 30 - 50 superfluous staples.

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One staple for each set of documents people! If the document is too big, clip it together with those
handy dandy document clips.

The Boy is eating an enormous bag of popcorn and The Girl is resting on the couch. I should be cleaning my sty but nahhhhhhh.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

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I had been over at The Other Mother's blog and she has given me an idea for a weekly post for you all to enjoy. How about a Tuesday Kvetch? I did not know the meaning before yesterday and I must say that now that I know I love it!

Kvetch- to complain habitually

We all need to do that once in a while! Here is your chance to tell me how much your bosses pisses you off and how useless you think your co-workers are. Are you in-laws driving you around the bend? Did some idiot cut you off? Did your cat pee on your down duvet? Your favourite TV show cancelled? The price of gas? No hot water when you had a shower this morning? Tell me about it!

Frankly I get a little sick of always being happy and positive! A lot of thing piss me off and I am going to let you know about them! You in turn will tell me a few things that make your blood boil. So come back every Tuesday to kvetch!

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1. My damn security alarm battery was low last night and beeped all night long and there was no way to silence the damn thing!

2. My favourite shoes (Berkenstocks) need new soles.

3. Garlic bread is so delicious but has a million grams of fat. Pisses me off!

4. My computer speakers have quit working. Yes they are plugged and and not on mute.


Monday, May 16, 2005

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Very tired tonight. I had gone to bed early last night but I awoke around 3:30 madder than a wet hen. I couldn't get back to sleep until quite late (or would it be early?). Anyway, went to work and dragged my ass most of the day. Fortunately, it was a rather quiet day client wise but I did have a few months of filing that needs to be done. No way I was going to finish it today. Probably take me a few days at best.

Everyone at work has been really supportive. Even mean boss was really nice! (She even brought me a coffee down after I had mentioned I had not slept well.) So anyway, kids are at their dad's tonight and I am going to be asleep in my bed by 9:00.

Something to look forward to is the Relay for Life. I am so excited! For my newer readers I am doing the Relay for Life in honour of my Nana that passed away from cancer May 6/04 and to honor my beautiful mom that was diagnosed with Ovarian cancer in February. During the relay I will be shaving my head. Some of you have offered to sponsor me in this effort. 100% will go to the Canadian cancer* Society. I will post the link in a few days. If you are American I would greatly appreciate if you would go to Keri's site and sponsor her efforts. She is doing the Relay June 17 - 18th. Let her know I sent you over!

cancer research is something I believe in deeply. One in three will develop cancer in her lifetime. To me those odds are staggering. And scary! I believe this disease can be beaten but it will be through research. Trust me, I would not be shaving my head if I felt for a moment that a cure was not at hand.

I promise I will post before and after pictures. For most of you it will be seeing me for the first time!

* The word cancer is intentionally NOT capitalized in my blog. I will not give that word more power than it deserves.

Sunday, May 15, 2005

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Later in the day update- Had the much anticipated nap after lunch. Woke up, cleaned the cleaned the kitchen, my bedroom, changed the sheets on my bed, put on a roast, went to visit my mom and dad, bought shoes for the the girl at Wal-Mart (Hi Inky!), came home, finished making supper, cleaned kitchen. I also did a few loads of laundry through out day. Sheesh, no wonder Kein was bored with me. :(
Now I am sitting here craving pie. Bumbleberry Pie! With whipped cream. *sigh* I am trying so hard to lose about 20 pounds. After the French Vanilla Disappointment I am buckling down. The thing is I really enjoy eating well. We eat lots of salads and we eat whole wheat pasta and bread. I eat lots of fruits and veggies and skim milk. My problem is I really enjoy the junk as well and when I get a serious craving it will last until I eat it. Whoever said that cravings will pass was wrong! I WANT PIE!


Quick update because it is Sunday and I want to have a nap! I have been feeling angry and really hurt over this whole affair. I have come tot he conclusion that he has been talking to this women online, by e mail and on the phone for some time and that is why he has been feeling like I have not been paying him enough attention. As one of you said, the grass is always greener. What bothers me so much is I would not even have lunch with a man even if he was a friend because I knew it would have hurt Kvin. The guys at work have asked me several times to go out with drinks with them but I always knew that Kein would feel insecure about it. Then he goes and spend the entire weekend with another woman. (He had this weekend planned before we broke up.) Anyway, I am doing alright. I will have a lot to say to him when he returns.

You have all been so fantastic. It was through your wise words and encouragement that got me through this. Have a nice Sunday. :)

Friday, May 13, 2005

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did go to Vancouver. And for me it is over. You all wrote some pretty insightful responses and I thought and thought and thought about each of them. The conclusion I have come to is he has had feelings for this woman in the past and now she is single again. He is going over to see her to test the waters. I won't be his back-up plan. He is 43 and has never really had a long term relationship so I am guessing that he is very immature when it comes to relationships. He is expecting the fireworks that every great relationship has in the beginning and he doesn't understand that all relationships move past that. That is when you find out if it was true love.

As I said to another blogger, I am hurt, angry and bewildered that he has done this. Come Monday I will let him know that the choices he made moved me to the final decision that I will not attempt to work it out with him. Like I said, I will not be his back-up plan. I deserve better. We have been dating for well over a year and this is not something you do to someone when you have been in a relationship that long.

So what now? I have no idea. I am tired and very emotional right now. Just going to hit the sack early tonight.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

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and I had been talking about possibly working it out but the plot thickens. is going to Vancouver this weekend to see a woman. He says she is just a friend. I do believe him because I know he was friends with her long before we met but that is just the thing. It was before we met. We are a couple and there is no excuse for taking a whole weekend off to go see a person of the opposite s#x. Jealous? No. I just know what is acceptable and not acceptable to me in a relationship and that is not acceptable. I know in today's liberal relationships going out and even having s#x when you are in a committed relationship is ok but I am unable to see this as tolerable. I don't see us working this out at all with this new development. I am not going to give him an ultimatum because I feel in an adult relationship one is not needed. He knows how I feel. If he goes it will be over with no chance of reconciliation. Curious on everyone else's opinion on this issue. Don't tell me what you think I want to hear, tell me what you believe.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

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I am doing ok. I stayed home from work yesterday because I either had the flu or food poisoning. (My mom and dad think it was Irritable Bowel Syndrome.) Sorry in advance for the detail but I had the worse diarrhea of my life. I was up about 30 times in an 8 hour period. It was gross. By morning I could barely stand. I didn't even take my kids to school! (Bad Mom) I was quite dehydrated by this time and my beautiful kids made me cup after cup of Gatorade and brought me toast. I was back at work today and I am thankful today was a teaching day because I had no energy to do anything.

I had a really great talk with my mom. I know in every way I should be supporting her and not adding at all to her stress. The first person I always call within a minute of anything upsetting happening is my mom. Sometimes I have called and cried at the other end while she just listened and told me she loved me. Because she has been so sick I didn't call her when Kn broke up with me. I waited until the next evening and just cried my heart out. I then told her how much I missed HER. I wanted my mommy. You know in the movie "Babe" when Babe lies down crying and saying "I want my mom"? That is how I have been feeling. It seems so childish of me. After all I am 34 and a mom myself but I need her as my Mommy.

Boyfriend issue. Don't really know what to say. I am hurt because he has always been crazy about the kids. He knew and wanted from the beginning the package deal. It was very all of a sudden that he decided that he preferred the single life. It is a bit of an oxymoron isn't it? He wants to see more of me so he decides that not seeing me at all is the solution. I have not told the kids yet because frankly I have no idea what to say to them. The kids love him. What do I say to them without hurting them? isn't going to come around anymore because of you even though he loves you. Any suggestions?

I will tell you one thing and single women pay heed. This may be the best advice you ever receive relationship wise. My mom told me after my marriage ended to never give yourself to anyone 100%. Always leave a part left that is all you and just for you. She said this because when my marriage ended I was devastated and (I felt) had nothing. She never wanted me to be in that space again. That space where you need to find out who you are because you gave 100& to your partner. With I did keep a part of me to myself so that is why I can cope and move on. Yes, it hurts and I am lonely. I feel like I never want to be in a relationship again. However, I don't feel lost because I kept the most important person in the centre of the relationship. Me

Thank you to everyone of you for your comments. I wish I could thank you all in person. What a lovely group of people you all are. I am blessed for having every single on of you as a part of my life. If I touch your life in even a small fraction as you have touched mine I am doubly blessed.

I am off to bed now. I am going to snuggle with my kids and let them know how great they are.

Sunday, May 08, 2005

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My boyfriend and I just broke up. I don't know what to say but I know I needed to write. He has been single his whole life; never married or had kids. I, as you know have two kids. I come home from work everyday, make supper, do homework with them and do housework. I fall into bed most nights. My days off consist of doing housework, running the kids back and forth to school, paying bills, and running errands. My boyfriend wants me to be able to spend more time with him. We have been having this problem for several months now. I have told him that is isn't that I don't want to spend time with him it is just that I don't have time. I don't really even have time for myself with the exception of this blog.
Anyway, I told him today after he took off all day without discussing it with me that I was not going to be able to change my circumstances. I said he needed to make a decision about what he wanted. Did he want the single life or did he want the life of a girlfriend with kids. He choose the single life.
How do I feel? Like one more thing has fallen apart because I can't manage things. I have tried so hard to be there for my kids, my mom and dad, the kids school, my work...the list goes on and on. When you are juggling 30 balls one is going to drop. Today one of the balls dropped.
I am tired of having "a lot on my plate". How much does one person have to take? Why can't things just go well? I want to be able to spend more time with my kids, I want to be able to spend more time at my mom and dad's helping them out so my dad can get a break, I want to be able to volunteer at my kids school. I am so close to burn-out but there is no end in sight. I feel so lost and out of control. But I have to keep going; have to keep juggling the balls. I can't let one of them drop.

Saturday, May 07, 2005

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Ransom for a pen?

I have a problem at work. I hate the pens they supply us with. They are those paper-mate ones that come a dozen to a box for about $3.00. They are total crap. They glop ink all over documents or are all scratchy. Anyway, I buy my own pens because of the amount of documenting I do at work. (I go through a pen about every 2 weeks. ) Anyway...purchasing guy came up to me last week and wanted to borrow a pen. I told him I would let him use it while he was at my desk but couldn't take it away. I went on to tell him that I buy them myself and I hide them every night because we have pen thieves in the office. He laughed at me and told me that he could find it. In my smart ass way I told him I doubted it. When I got to work this morning this was wrapped around one of the crap pens. I laughed so hard a co-worker came all the way from the upstairs office to see what I was laughing about. This was the note.

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I am not very creative when it comes to comebacks or retaliation. Any suggestions?

Friday, May 06, 2005

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In memory of Nana,
September 18, 1927 - May 6, 2004
If I had one lifetime wish,
And dreams that could come true.
I would pray to God,
With all my heart,
for yesterday and you.
If teardrops were a stairway
And memories a lane,
I would walk all the way to Heaven
And bring you back again.
A thousand prayers can't bring you back,
I know because I"ve tried.
And neither will a million tears,
I know because I"ve cried.
You left behind my broken heart
And a million dreams for you.
But I never wanted dreams,
I only wanted you.
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After Glow
I’d like the memory of me
to be a happy one.
I’d like to leave an after glow
of smiles when life is done.
I’d like to leave an echo
whispering softly down the ways,
Of happy times and laughing times
and bright and sunny days.
I’d like the tears of those who grieve,
to dry before the sun
of happy memories
that I leave when life is done.
I miss you Nana...

Thursday, May 05, 2005

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This is so not funny. I just went to the Tim Horton's website and found out my beloved French Vanilla coffee is 500 calories for a 20 oz cup! I have been wondering why I haven't been losing weight! I have been eating really well for the last couple of months but all my clothes are tight. People, I have to stop drinking it and I am scared. I love my morning cuppuccino. Their small iced cuppuccino made with milk has 150 calories and 1.5 grams grams of fat so I suppose I can start drinking that. It won't be the same though. Hopefully I will start to lose some weight now. Oh what a world, what a world.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

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I know I have been tagged, twice in fact but I can't remember who tagged me. I will work on it tomorrow. Too tired tonight. If you tagged me please remind me.

I was recognized at work today for doing the best in a department. It was very nice and also a surprise. I knew I had done well but didn't expect it to be brought up at a staff meeting in front of everyone. I had worked very hard in this particular area and put in a lot of research hours.

I had a really good sleep last night. Thank you everyone for your kid words over the last several days. You are all the best! I am going to go have a hot bath now. Later gator!

Received this e mail from a co-worker. You may have seen it. If not;

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years-canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door : Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the
furniture.(That's why they call it fur.)

3. I like my pets a lot better than most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

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Just spoke with my mom. The results were a clear scan all around. YAY! The spot on her liver was nothing so tonight I am so thankful. So thankful

She will now start 6 weeks of radiation. She will have to take the ferry everyday from here to Vancouver. Saturday and Sunday off. I knew little about chemotherapy and know even less about radiation. Will have to read up on it.

Last night I got about 3 hours of sleep so I am tired today. If I didn't go to Tim Horton's today I would have likely fallen asleep at my desk.

Let me tell you about me, my morning cup of coffee and Tim Horton's. I have hated coffee my entire adult life. As a kid the smell of it on people's breath made me want to gag. It was discusting. I have tried coffee on and off in my adult life and had never finished an entire cup because it is so vile and bitter. Until.

Until I tried a cup of Tim Horton's (french vanilla). If you are Canadian you know what Tim Horton's is. If you are an American you may have not heard. They sell doughnuts and other assorted fattening food. And. They. Sell. Coffee. Really good coffee. Addicting coffee.

When I became hooked I only got it on the days I worked. I would drop my kids off early at school so I could get to Tim Horton's to get my fix and still get to work on time. One morning last week due to traffic I didn't get my early morning manna. I thought no big deal, I can have a cup of coffee at work. They had that MJB shit in the green can. I took one sip and it sat on my desk until I dumped it at lunch time.

It has become a ritual for me. You will know tomorrow morning around 8:20 a.m. PST I will be waiting in line for my morning goodness. I will get to work at 8:30. I put my coffee down, open the blinds to the office, switch the phones over to daytime. After that I sit at my desk drink my coffee and say good morning to each of my co-workers that come in. The day will be a good one.

Monday, May 02, 2005

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Update on my mom... She is doing well except from being sick from the chemotherapy side effects. She is in Vancouver today getting another treatment and I am expecting her back tomorrow. Her last CT scan showed clear from the Ovarian cancer and they believed that they got it all however there was a spot on her liver and I will not know until they get the results of the scan she is getting today if it is cancer or not. Thank you for each of you that has kept her in your thoughts and prayers.

I got a call at work today that Girl-N was sick at school so I had to go get her. I was so tired at work this morning I was thankful for the day off. I have not been sleeping well and I have been having nightmares. I don't know if it is all the worry and grief or I am just hormonal. I am not usually one to have nightmares. I have been so sad the last few days. It has been one year on May 6th that my Nana died. The pain isn't as raw but it hurts even more. ( I know that makes no sense.) People told me it would get better and I would start to feel better about losing her but I miss her now more than ever. One year means that I have not seen or spoken to her. And of course I am constantly thinking about my mom. Some days it feels like I will never be happy again.

As some of you know I am also going through a divorce and I found out last week there are some people spreading mean and vicious gossip about why I am getting a divorce. I mean really mean. I don't even want to say what people have said (and believed) and passed on to other people. I will never understand how someone can delight so in the misfortune of others.

So today has been a rather sad day. I just want to go to sleep.

Sunday, May 01, 2005

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I am registering today for the Relay for Life and I am surprised at how emotional the registering is. So many teams named after people that have died from cancer. (A Salute to Sandy, Bradley's Blazers, Leslie's Angels to name a few) I cried as I read each team name because every one is for someone that had died from this awful disease.

For my newer readers my mom was diagnosed with Ovarian cancer in February and my Nana died one year ago on May 6th from cancer. It has been such an emotional year and participating in the relay is how I can help find a cure. 1/3 will get cancer in her lifetime. Those odds are staggering. 1/3!!

Also my new readers may have seen the countdown bar under my header up there ^^. I will be shaving my head at the relay as well.
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I am sitting in front of my SAD light trying to get motivated for the day. I know I should be doing housework but that isn't fun. I think I will pull a Susie Homemaker and plant some flowers in my planters today. Also need to do 30 loads of laundry, put away dishes, wash the floor, change the beds, take 726 cans to the recycling centre, get groceries, make lunch for the kids, clean out the coat closet, tidy the living room, clean the litter box (the cat also needs another bath; he stinks) ...OR I could just go have a nap!

My brain is especially mushy today. I can't seem to come up with a complete thought so I will bid you adieu for now.

Update - I planted the flowers in the planters with the kids, caught up on all the laundry, put away the dishes, washed the floor sort of because Boy-W spilled a few gallons of water on it so I had to wipe it up. I also changed the beds, walked to the grocery store with the kids and got groceries, made lunch and supper for the kids, cleaned a cupboard that wasn't the coat closet, cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed two dirty children, got a box of old crap together for the Good Will, talked to my mom and cleaned my bedroom. I also played Frisbee with Girl-N. I had a bath and now I am very, very tired.
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